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Oversized Onassis Sunglasses | Be An Instant 10!

Updated on June 23, 2010
New School...
New School...
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Old School...

Sometimes we want to look good, but our faces didn't get that memo. You know how it is, you spend 56 hours straight watching E! and by the end of it, you're almost convinced that you too are a beautiful little starlet, flitting amongst your incredibly handsome and gorgeous celebrity friends. Then you happen to glance at a reflective surface and become instantly crushed that you have not had the benefit of three hours of professional hair and make up making you look your best.

Never mind! There is a way to transform yourself from a mere mortal into a glamor queen in an instant, and that's by putting on a pair of sunglasses that instantly cover your face, not to mention, cover the flaws the good Lord saw fit to bless you with. (God may have created the world in 6 days, but would it have killed him to spend a little time on your face instead of wasting all that time planting fossils to confuse creationists?)

Onassis glasses (originally worn by Jackie Onassis back in the 1960's) are the perfect glasses for women who don't want the world to see who they really are. Today, these sunglasses are worn by celebrities, teenagers, middle aged mothers with three children and a gambling habit that's slowly tearing the family apart, pretty much everyone. If you're not wearing them then you're not only exposing your eyes and the skin around them to dangerous UV radiation from the giant ball of fire that hangs in the sky, but to cruel observation from fellow humans who may see your face and feel compelled to blog about it on their iPads.

'Well that's great, Hope,' you might say, 'But what about the rest of my face? How can I cleverly use accessories and make up to hide from the world in plain sight like a fashionable ninja?' That's a very good question, and fortunately, one that I have the answer to.

If you want to complete the look, try some bold lipstick, which will distract attention from the small portion of your face not yet covered by the sunglasses. When you have your sunglasses on and your lipstick is firmly applied, you will instantly become totally indistinguishable from the hordes of hipsterish lasses out there. Remember to wear some leggings as pants and compliment them with an oversized t-shirt to complete the look. Oh and straighten your hair. Curls still aren't back in yet. Boo.


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