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Mariah Carey's HSN Collection

Updated on November 12, 2010

It seems that it's that time of year. The time of year when once were celebrities brush off what's left of their reputation and attach it to some goods in hopes of making a little extra cash. We've seen Amy Winehouse's line for Fred Perry, and now we have Mariah Carey's jewelry and shoe line for the Home Shopping network.

What I find truly disturbing about these facts in conjunction is that Amy Winehouse's line outclasses Mariah Carey's by a country mile, and when you find yourself outclassed by a woman who barely remembers how to dress herself, it's time to take a good hard line at the kind of rubbish you're peddling.

As one might expect, Mariah's collection for HSN contains a lot of sparkly things and a lot of furry things. Add in ungainly stilettos and you have the Axis of Trashiness. Think I'm being too harsh? Well, dear reader, I invite you to judge the pieces for yourself.

Mariah Carey's Fur Lined Boots

In spite of the fact that fur is in yet again this year, I'm not a big fan of fur. I think it makes your butt look fat, even when it is on a pair of boots. I will give the designer some credit for attempting to mellow out the trashiness by making the fur lining rather asymmetrical. Regardless of asymmetry however, I still get the impression that anyone who wears these shoes will soon be overcome with a dire need to skin some puppies. These are shoes a villain would wear.

A Word From HSN....

Not entirely disgusted yet? Interested in seeing what else Mariah has planned for her shopping public / unfortunate victims?

HSN released the following details about the collection:"The lifestyle collection is Mariah, all the way, with sparkling, pave-set 'initial' pendants [above], butterfly earrings, fur-trimmed suede boots and quilted nylon boots wrapped in chains. The shoes will be priced from about $69.90 to $199.90, while the jewelry will be available from $39.99 to $199.95. Carey will also offer a new version of her Luscious Pink fragrance, and 25 $275 bottles of her Luscious Pink Deluxe Edition fragrance will feature a Swarovski Elements-encrusted butterfly with a personal note from the singer."

I'm not entirely sure how a collection of lifeless objects can be considered to be 'Mariah all the way' as HSN claims, unless of course, they're trying to imply that Mariah is soulless - which is probably going too far, fluffy fur shoes of doom notwithstanding.

M stands for 'Mariah'
M stands for 'Mariah'

Mariah's Sparkly Necklace

No jewelry collection is complete without a crystal embedded letter to wear around your neck - assuming you're five years old. If you happen to be named Mariah or Mary or Megatron, you can probably get away with wearing a big shiny 'M' around your neck. If your name is Ermentrude or Stacy, people may wonder at you. Make sure you're wearing your Mariah Carey tshirt so they understand what's going on.

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