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No Man In Lingerie Is An Island

Updated on March 14, 2010

Since I have begun exploring the themes of gender and dress, I've occasionally received feedback from readers who are disappointed at the breadth of the issues these articles cover. 'I thought this was just for men who liked lingerie' is the most common of their refrains.

Men who fall into this category get their panties in a knot every time issues like wearing women's outerwear or gender neutral people arise. The sentiment behind their annoyance is that they don't like being lumped in with 'the others', the others being men who wear women's clothing obviously and openly, who sometimes wear make up and wigs and who occasionally embrace their feminine sides.

Some men who wear lingerie believe that because they 'only' wear lingerie, they're somehow different than the 'freaks' who wear women's clothing. I doubt I need to point out how much a case of the pot calling the kettle black that is.

Just because you've restricted your activities to one particular style of woman's clothing does not mean that you are not, by the definition which you use to define others a 'cross dresser'. The fact that we have a term 'cross dresser' and that it usually only applies to men and not women, is, in itself a sign of bigotry. If I go out wearing a man's jeans and hoodie, I'm not called a cross dresser. If my boyfriend goes out in a skirt, suddenly he has crossed a line. Buying into that silly, silly idea and using it to try and defend your behavior is counter productive.

It's bad enough when these senseless and hurtful stereotypes are perpetuated by people who are 'normal dressers'. I can understand that, because its simply a norm they have no reason to challenge. But when men who know exactly what it is like to want to wear women's clothing demonize and try to separate themselves out from other men who wear different kinds of women's clothing, then I'm saddened. Saddened because you would think that if having the desire to wear women's clothing taught a guy anything, it would be that it is okay to wear whatever you want. Instead however, there are some men who are still deluding themselves that panties are okay, but anything else is 'weird'. Get over yourselves.

You're not 'better' because you've fixated on lingerie rather than skirts, okay? You're not 'better' because you don't have a feminine alter ego. You're not helping matters by tearing other men down to try and make yourself more normal. It's childish, immature and does nothing for you (aside from make you look like a jerk.)

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    • profile image

      anonybutt 

      8 years ago

      Yeah, agreed 100% with the above comment stating that even the lowest of the low need a scapegoat.. it's something you run into a lot in nerd culture and other marginalized sectors. It is a sad failing of humanity that we will hopefully rise above one day.

    • profile image

      Erica 

      8 years ago

      I agree with you Hope. Weather a man wears one piece of woman's clothing, or goes completely dressed as a woman, he is a 'cross dresser'. From my perspective, there is no line there!

      So if you cross-dress, as I do, be man enough to stand up for what you are doing and embrace it. You don't have to let anyone know if chose not to, but realize and accept in your mind what you are doing and don't criticize and put down the rest of us who have. As Phil said, this pushes acceptance further away for all of us.

    • profile image

      Melanie 

      8 years ago

      I couldn't have said it better myself. Good job!

    • profile image

      ericaeast 

      8 years ago

      There are those who allow themselves to feel better by pulling others down...as if that action makes them 'rise above.' And we see this across all class of people, not limited to those who prefer one article of clothing over another. Just another over-active ego trying to justify its own 'story.'

    • foxxyz69 profile image

      foxxyz69 

      8 years ago from Niles Ohio

      I for one could not have said it better myself. Looking good Miss Alexander, keep up the good work. xoxo

    • profile image

      Stormy 

      8 years ago

      Extremely well said, Hope, and expressed by Phil. The fact is that all you are writing about are crossdressing. To try to separate them into groups is like someone I am better than you, who does not like chili and cheese on your dog, and I do. We don't pigeon hole just about anything else because of our differences, so why should we crossdressers, whatever our personal state of crossdress is, be any different? We are crossdressers.

    • profile image

      ILoveLingerie 

      8 years ago

      I totally agree with you. How can any male person who wears lingerie talk junk about other males who wear something else feminine?

      It's rediculous!

    • profile image

      Phil 

      8 years ago

      Well said Hope. This is exactly what the community needs. I don't like to label myself, but I do cross-dress. The men who have somehow convinced themselves that they are better than those who may have different ways of expressing themselves are pushing the goal of acceptance farther away for all of us. We are in this thing together, no need to discriminate amongst ourselves.

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