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Notes My Dry Cleaner Leaves Me

Updated on April 7, 2009


I’ve had a rocky relationship with my dry cleaner (watch the videos here and that’s right, I’ve gone from break up to make up with them but this morning when I went to put on one of my shirts I recently got back I found a note on the garment. And I started thinking about notes my dry cleaner leaves me – Don’t Get Me Started!

Normally the note I get on my clothes is the one you hate to see. It’s sort of pinkish in color, through one of the button holes and has a stick figure of a balding man who has so much perspiration that you can see it above and to the side of his head. It says something like, “We tried and tried but we couldn’t remove the stain.” Now let me say right here and now I think people are nasty. Even if you made me the next George Jefferson on television I would have to change the profession because I’ve seen all the 20/20 reports where they “wand” a comforter from a hotel and all the germs are crawling around on it like some 7,000 kids in a playground. No thank you, I don’t want to be the one who finally gets the stain off Monica’s dress and I just couldn’t imagine being intimate with people’s funk.

When I see the whole “stain” note from the dry cleaner I’m usually not all that surprised although I must say that there have been more than a couple of times when the shirt (or article of clothing) went in free of stains but came back with one or two and the stick figure bald guy just as upset on the note as I was…well, almost. If the stain didn’t come from me, I figure it’s best that I not know how it got there. Maybe it just got dragged behind the dry cleaning truck or maybe someone was eating a greasy burger at the dry cleaners, had no napkin and decided to use my shirt. I can’t be sure however I am sure that the shirt always ends up right in the trash. Too many possibilities and all of them give me the heebie jeebies!

Notes are a funny thing, aren’t they? I mean, think about the fortunes in fortune cookies. I always think that I’m really going to find the one saying, “Help, I’m being held at the Chinese fortune cookie factory!” or the notes that the Starbucks gang sometimes write on the side of my cup. These are all funny or sweet or just notes but when it’s on a designer shirt wrapped in a Valentino plastic coffin (not the designer Valentino, the famous silent film star who had himself buried with a window in the coffin so that all could see his beauty after his death…while I know people swooned to see his face through the porthole on the coffin, I can imagine his view was not as pretty). I can spot the “we fucked up your shit” note immediately, even through the glare of the plastic wrap.

So today when I went to take out a shirt from my closet that was newly back from the dry cleaner I was surprised to see a note I’d never seen before. I can’t remember when I got this shirt. I know it’s been years that I’ve had it. I can’t even remember the designer as there’s no label on the shirt due to its shall we say, uniqueness? You see the shirt is completely reversible. It has two sets of buttons and depending upon the way you press it, you either have a blue striped shirt or a pink one. I called it my “travel” shirt because when I used to travel extensively for business you could get two days out of the one shirt by simply turning it inside out and pressing it. For all of my loving them I have to say that apparently I was the only one because I haven’t seen them since. But anyway, when I looked at the note hanging out of the last button hole on the shirt I saw a handwritten note that said, “reversible?????” It seemed incredulous and rhetorical all at the same time, I loved it. It’s one of the better notes I’ve ever received from them and made me feel a little like someone who would go on What’s My Line when the celebrity panel had to wear blindfolds. I feel as though I stumped Kitty Carlisle and that’s a good feeling!

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