- Fashion and Beauty
One Day I Will Look Beautiful
Three years ago I was diagnosed with depression, I was trapped in a bad marriage with a man who did not love me at all, but wanted to abuse and control me instead, as I made him look good hanging around with an un attractive younger male as he would refer too me. I also had many problems with myself as I was in denial believing that my husband did love me and unfortunately I found out too quickly that he did not, and it broke my heart.
I gave 6 years to that man, who gave me nothing but hurt and heartache, I know I am not the only one and there are millions of others who have been where I am. One year ago I left him and moved in with my brother, I have a calcium problem and as I dont make enough and unfortunately my teeth have suffered. I can not afford cosmetic surgery to put this right, but one day I will, I pray that I will any ways.
My partner was very attractive and unfortunately I am not, as I was always reminded of not being by him and his friends and family. In gay society we have to look good as we are judged by others with the company we keep, clothes we wear and more so our looks etc...
A friend of my partners was very cruel to me just before I left my husband and he said to me "That good looking, beautiful men like him and the others always like to have at least one ugly person with them to make them look good in front of others." He then went on to say to me "How I should be grateful that I am in their company, as if I was not my partner they would have more so made fun of me.etc etc,,,,,,, I asked what was wrong with me and he then told me I have terrible teeth, I have the worst looks ever, people would rather throw up than talk to me he also said that the funny part was I believed that I was fine and that everybody was only tolerating me and did want to tell me the truth. If thats not bad enough he carried on and said one even worse thing that absolutely cut my heart out.... I would never achieve anything but ridicule from other people, and that I would just have to accept that way of life, because their is never going to be a lucky millionaire who will come round that corner and pay for the surgery that you need..After all you are from the poorer community so they dont really help your sort"
I have never spoken to my ex husband or any of his friends ever again since that night and those hurtful words were said.. I know that I am not good looking and that I am probably never going to be able to afford that kind of surgery.. But you know I really want to get that work done now more than ever because I would like to come back to my city looking like a beautiful model and walk into my exhusband and his friends and watch them squirm whilst I say "Screw You".......
I am alot stronger now than I was then and fight back alot harder, but at that time was very poorly with depression that when he said that to me I walked away and hid until the tears stopped. When it was over and I returned he just sat smiling at me with the rest of those good looking people, I sat very quiet whilst they all went dance and had great party, I sat with a drink and stared out of the window.
I suppose its just one of those sob stories that are a penny a dozen that you hear from people but I have faith and I know that one day I will look beautiful, and I will feel beautiful too.
My story is a sad one, and very true I am not looking for sympathy though only understanding, and to hear if anyone else has felt this way before..
I even have cried writing this because it still hurts now, but if I ever do get the chance to have surgery I believe that I will get my own back on those people, Do you remember that Bette Midler film "First Wives Club" Its one of my favourites and I love it when they get their husbands back and help each other, That will be me one day......
Thanks For Reading...