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Red Hat Ladies Scare Me

Updated on May 9, 2011

Red Hat Ladies Scare Me - Don't Get Me Started!

I know, I know, it's a wonderful thing that women of a certain age have found a kinship they can't find anywhere else. Consider it the Sisterhood of the Traveling Depends Pants or something (okay, just a little joke ladies, don't get mad, don't get all menopausal on my ass). The point is that I understand all the reasons this organization is a wonderful thing but when they all get together in a gaggle I can't help it. Red Hat ladies scare me - Don't Get Me Started!

As with most of my blogs - yes, this is something that I recently encountered. For the three of you who don't know who the red hat ladies are, I think it comes from a saying or verse (whatever you want to call it) that says something about "when I am an old woman, I will wear purple and a red hat." Well someone somewhere decided that instead of allowing it to stay as a Hallmark card or something you would see in the Lillian Vernon catalog made from resin, that they would actually make clubs to I guess wear purple and red hats. This phenomenon spread faster than syphilis and before you knew it there were clubs all over taking day trips and eventually, yes, a whole musical titled, "Hats" (God help us everyone)

I was walking down the street in Lake Tahoe recently looking in store windows, watching the passer-bys (Is people watching not the greatest thing in the world? As I'm writing this in the lobby of the hotel there is a gentleman sitting across from me who is in his late fifties or sixties and is in complete motorcycle leather clothing outfit on the phone ranting about how whatever it was that he needed was FedExed to his home 500 miles away instead of to the hotel. I would normally say that you shouldn't piss a guy like this off but I must tell that even with the tattoos and doo rag on his head I think I could take him as he looks old and feeble, you know sort of the Rolling Stones are looking lately) when suddenly there they were...Red Hat Ladies! I could tell they were coming not necessarily because of the hats at first but because of all the natural light catching their not so natural rhinestones all over them to the point where if I hadn't had the Prada sunglasses on I would have surely been blinded or at least ended up looking like Marty Feldman. It sort of looked as if the Quackers clothing brand lady, Jeanne from QVC - don't ask me how I know about her, I have nothing but useless information in my head - had thrown up on them. They were (as they always seem to me to be) in a group of four or so and all were huddling, chuckling and strutting their stuff for all that it was worth. As they got closer I could see that two of them actually had red hats on but the other two had obviously killed a feather boa as they both had a small tuft of marabou on their head held on there with what I can only assume was a bejeweled bobby pin. Come on ladies, that's not a hat, that's an attempt to look like a bird...well, a bird on the Muppets or something. Anyway, they were there on the street being really loud and just basically hogging the sidewalk when it occurred to me that they really aren't so much a philanthropic organization as a gang for old ladies. Picture if you will, instead of bandanas of a certain color their "blood colors" are their red hats. That's right, they have the same mentality of a gang - traveling in packs, taking over the sidewalks and dinner theatres (are there any left) across the country and they think just because they're old we're all going to step aside as they roll their purple scooter with the "rdhtldy" license plate over our feet in the grocery store without saying anything. Well, I'm saying something. You're a bunch of hoodlums and you need to be stopped or at the very least stay away from me because you scare me more than clowns or mimes (and that my friends is saying something).

Okay maybe I'm being a bit harsh but with women outliving men, my fear is that the Red Hat ladies will take over the entire world. If that happens we're all in trouble - think Kathy Bates in Fried Green Tomatoes with a red hat on. TAWANDA!!!! Is all you'll hear as you get knocked down by a gaggle of the "Reds" (as they're sure to become known) so don't you agree with me now? Red Hat ladies scare me - Don't Get Me Started!



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    • somelikeitscott profile image

      somelikeitscott 6 years ago from Las Vegas

      Rockporter - You're right, you "honestly don't see my humor in this"

    • profile image

      Rockporter 6 years ago

      hmm, although your post could be looked at in your view or you could see for what it is worth all the ladies do for our country. I wear pink, I help put together troop boxes every month to send to Afghnistan, including doing the fundraisers for supplies. I also make lap quilts for the Shriners Childrens Hospital in Galveston TX and other hospitals nearby. Our group gets together a couple of times a year and yes there are lots of them. We sometimes get together with two other groups which results in a group of about 50 women. I am sure if you took the time to sit down with a few of these women you would find out they are nothing short of wanting to help others. Maybe even you the person who is so afraid of them. I honestly don't see your humor in this and think it is a shame you would knock the efforts of these women all around the country. Just know that when you need something and it doesn't come from the store but comes from a charity somewhere that the Red Hat Ladies just may be the ones providing to you. Thank them and appreciate them when you see them coming. These women have lived for their husbands, raised their children and possibly their grandchildren, done work for the local schools and now have to time to enjoy their lives. They should be respected in all aspects. I however, wouldn't move out of the way for any group on any sidewalk. We all need to share the roadways and that includes the sidewalks we all pay for. Have a nice time on your blog.

    • profile image

      nina 7 years ago

      you should be scared of other things rather than passionate women. sorry

    • somelikeitscott profile image

      somelikeitscott 9 years ago from Las Vegas

      Great - something some place else for me to worry about. Thanks!

    • profile image

      Martyn (UK) 9 years ago

      Great Blog Scot !

      You have The "Red Hats" over Here its Muted to something MUCH WORSE !

      (if you read this dont read it out allowed or they come and get you!)

      THE DREADED W.I. (or womens institute!)

      These ladies are ruthless - they will Make Denture Breaking Cakes in a heart beat!

      and given the chance - will form a knitting circle in Seconds.

      These Delightful ladies are at their most deadly when organising Happless Vicars and Parish councils !

      Although they do great work - i fear that due to my comments im now a marked man !

      "red hats" were only the start ! - watch out America ! - we in Europe have been at the Mercy of this Organisation for Decades ! - and they are Hungry and itching to make more cakes and Jam while singing "Jeruslem" with Gusto !


      Love the Blog

      Martyn (AKA Moppy)

    • dineane profile image

      dineane 9 years ago from North Carolina

      It's true. She (donna) tried to recruit me, although I was too young and had to wear a pink hat. You are right, Scott, they are scary! Funny hub!

    • DonnaCSmith profile image

      Donna Campbell Smith 9 years ago from Central North Carolina

      Yep, you bet your sweet booty, you better watch out for us! LOL, I had a club for a while, but we were all so busy we couldn't ever get together for our outings, so we gave it up. I still have my hats, though!

    • Chef Jeff profile image

      Chef Jeff 9 years ago from Universe, Milky Way, Outer Arm, Sol, Earth, Western Hemisphere, North America, Illinois, Chicago.

      Doesn't the Queen of England wear purple with a red hat? LOL!!! Guess the late, great Princess Diana broke the mould, eh?

      When I lived in Galena, IL there were tour groups (bus tours! Yikes!) where the women all wore red hats with little perky flowers adorning them. You could see them with your eyes closed!

    • torino70 profile image

      torino70 9 years ago from Pueblo, Colorado

      I will never look at a woman wearing a red hat the same way again, and please dont take on the biker.

    • rmr profile image

      rmr 9 years ago from Livonia, MI

      Kind of reminds me of Monty Python's Hell's Grannies!

    • profile image

      dafla 9 years ago

      So funny! I live in SW Florida, and during season, these people are everywhere! One of them asked me to join once, and I tried so hard not to laugh that my jaws hurt. I cannot imagine ever dressing like that in public.

      I know the poem "Warning" well, and it is wonderful, but it has been used in such a horrid way that I cannot imagine that the woman who wrote it is proud of it. If she is, maybe she has grown old and a "little off kilter", as my mother would say.

      When I'm old, I'm not going to dye my hair, or wear makeup. That will make me strange enough looking. I won't need the hat.

    • somelikeitscott profile image

      somelikeitscott 9 years ago from Las Vegas

      Thank you gamegirl for confirming just how scary this whole thing is...yikes...time to get under the covers and wear a Geritol necklace to protect me from the "Hatties" - thanks again, Scott :)

    • gamergirl profile image

      Kiz 9 years ago from Antioch, TN

      Hi Scott! Just read this, and it's -hilarious-.

      I found this image for you, it's from one of those red hat society webpages, and is a full size image of the poem which spurred on the whole red hat movement.

      The poem is called: Warning, When I am an Old Woman