ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Russia Claims Kim Kardashian's Hot Butt

Updated on October 13, 2009

Having lost parts of Georgia recently, the Russian government has decided to save face by claiming Kim Kardashian's ass as part of Russia. A Kremlin spokesperson made a statement to international press on Tuesday announcing: "The Kardashian region has interested us for years, and at last, we have decided to take steps to claim Kim Kardashian's ass for the glory of Russia. Plans are underway for the reunification of Kim Kardashian's buttocks with the rest of Russia, and whist we hope to avoid military action, specially trained crack troops are standing by in case of trouble."

The basis of Russian's claim on Kim's ass is the spotting of what appears to be very strongly outlined hammer and sickle shapes in the subcutaneous layer of Kim's ass (the layer previously described by Paris Hilton as the 'cottage cheese' layer). This is strong proof that, at one time, at least part of Kim Kardashian's bottom was a part of the USSR.

Since the break up of the USSR, the Russian government has allegedly been on a secret mission to reclaim the parts it lost (not unlike that cartoon where robot cats spread around the world in volcanoes and at the bottom of lakes and in desert oasis and whatnot could reform into a giant robot capable of saving the world.)

Naturally the US has expressed concern over Russia's claim on Kim Kardashian's ass, claiming that it is most certainly part of American territory, and citing data which indicates that were it not for the ongoing support of American food manufacturers, Kim's ass would certainly not be at its juicy best.

International land claims this large are usually the domain of the UN, however Kardashian has been advised against referring the matter to the UN due to the very real possibility that her ass will end up being divided in two, one cheek going to the Russians, the other to the Americans. "I don't need a Cold War on my ass." Kim joked with friends outside her boutique.

Advisors to the Kardashian family have put forth several avenues of action which may yet save Kim a trip to Russia. "Stairmasters, treadmills, elliptical trainers, they could all help." Commented an ass reduction specialist.

"Surgical strikes are also a distinct possibility if we cannot resolve this conflict with diplomacy." A Beverly Hills plastic surgeon chimed in, snapping on rubber gloves in a rakish manner.

In spite of the fact that Dimitri Medvedev has been in power since mid 2008, some claim that this latest ass grab is an action from ex President, now Prime Minister Putin. "This could easily have Putin's hands all over it." One analyst said after viewing extended footage of the ass in question.


    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment
    • profile image


      8 years ago

      If Russia wants to claim Kim's phat ass there are diplomatic channels set in place to handle just this kind of incident that if left unresolved could easily cause tension among the USA and Russia that could escalate into a possible freeze on nuclear armaments.

    • Christoph Reilly profile image

      Christoph Reilly 

      10 years ago from St. Louis

      Hi, Kim. Excellent hub. Very funny, and the pics are...interesting. Thanks for the laugh!


    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

    Show Details
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)