Personal Trainers Explain Why They Buy Beige Lingerie
For the longest time, I never understood the existence of beige lingerie. Then I read this article on More.com and it became clear. You see the first four slides on the article titled 'Best Lingerie For Your Body' showcase lingerie which is clearly beige. They try to explain this in a cutesy fashion saying that it is lingerie for people who don't like to wear clothing. Clothing. For people who don't like to wear clothing. I see through this kind of ruse right away! But there are clues in the article which have allowed me to deduce the real reason for beige lingerie and thus solve a mystery which has been mystifying lingerie lovers for decades.
Beige lingerie is apparently supposed to be skin colored, however I have never met anyone whose skin was the combination of glossy gold tones and three day old cream which beige lingerie seeks to emulate. If anything, beige lingerie makes the wearer look as if they have been strategically rolling around in light potter's clay.
The article was more revealing than it perhaps intended to be, in particular, the quote from Gina Mastrogiovanni, a 43 year old personal trainer explained it all. “I'm in the best shape ever, belly bling and all. I want lingerie that enhances me and doesn't call attention to itself.”
Now, Gina is a 43 year old woman who thinks that using the word 'bling' in a sentence is acceptable, which gives us some insight into her character and temperament right away. Her body is undeniably good however, we must give her credit for that. Her belly 'bling' is small and borderline tasteful and her abs could probably take Britney Spears in a fight.
But Gina wears beige lingerie because she doesn't want to be upstaged by her clothing. Beige lingerie, is therefore, for women, (no man would buy beige lingerie, would they? Say it isn't so,) who are so insecure and self obsessed that they actually worry about a few scraps of good looking fabric taking attention away from them. They therefore wear the most bland lingerie possible, unaware that it does very little to highlight their good looks and instead makes them look like they have been raiding their late grandma's panty drawers.
Gina would look amazing in lingerie which highlighted her body, for example this Satin and Chiffon bustier set. Does anyone think that the model in this picture is being upstaged by her sexy lingerie? I doubt it. Because lingerie is always designed to adorn, not upstage.
Just say no to beige, folks.