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Spicy, Hot, Irresistible Food Lingerie

Updated on October 13, 2009

It's Bacon Bra Girl...

It's a commonly accepted paradigm that lingerie should be constructed from fabrics, but food can totally be lingerie too. You just need a little imagination, a little inspiration, and clothes made out of plastic sheeting.

I've been in my lab and determined that the following food items can be substituted for lingerie either in a lingerie emergency, or just for fun in the privacy of your own home, because you can. Yes you can.

Whipped cream lingerie has a relatively short shelf life and may not be suitable for formal occasions. It is popular among those who have a sweet tooth however, which, at last count, was 99% of the human population.

Banana skins can be adapted to create strappy sensations, the inside of the peel especially is silky smooth against the skin.

Spaghetti is a natural choice for food lingerie. A great many items of women's clothing are already referred to as being 'spaghetti strapped', it's just a logical leap to wear strings of spaghetti on your body. Spaghetti has a greater ductility when cooked, so I recommend at least 6 minutes of boiling before wearing.

Chocolate sauce makes for viable lingerie, it has excellent spreadability and it can harden to form a shell which conforms to your body. What more can you ask from food lingerie?

Melons are cliché, but when hollowed out can provide excellent support. The same applies to pumpkins. Tie to your chest for greatest effect.

Mashed potatoes act in much the same way as whipped cream, but are more nutritious. If freshly made, they may impart an enjoyable warming sensation to the skin.

Lard is a good substitute for people who are on the Atkins diet and don't believe that spreading mashed potatoes on their bodies would be a good idea. Warm the lard a little (bit not too much) to soften it, then apply it liberally to the body. As it approaches room temperature, it will begin to harden.

Bacon is perfect as a lingerie substitute, just wrap it around the applicable areas. Beware that the Internet is just full of freaky people who would love to steal your bacons, so you may want to take security precautions if you go online whilst wearing your bacon lingerie.

Lingerie is supposed to be fun, so have fun with it, whether your panties are made of lard, bacon, whipped cream or even traditional materials, like iron ore. It's your lingerie, you do it your way.


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    • Guardian1 profile image

      Guardian1 8 years ago

      Wow, the things you come up with. I'm impressed and now hungry. Damn it, you just ruined my diet.