The Fashion Trends That Need To Go This Summer
People! You can now look outside your window and not expect to see 2 feet of white powder on the ground, summer is finally on its way: The drinks are getting more colorful, the sun isn’t a lazy ass and wants to stay out longer, and of course, the clothing material is getting shorter. No more big jackets and sweat pants, it’s time to show some skins.
What you wear over the parts of your skin that would otherwise get you ride to your town’s lovely iron bar suites is an important subject. Over the last few years some pieces of fashion have come into trends that annoy most of the general public. This getting turnt up on tinder to Skillrex mess is going to get you laughed at in the real world. As you are preparing to embark on your summer, look in mirror, now at look at this article, now at the mirror, back at the article, you might be an idiot if you have any of these on.
Shorts With 100 Pockets.
I need to make a confession; my favorite pair of shorts are these dark khaki, puffy cargo shorts. They’re comfortable, and loose fitting, sadly I must part ways with them now. Your shorts should be thin with the maximum of four pockets. The guys that still wear puffy cargo shorts are the same guys that will only go to the bar wearing their fraternity shirt and asking if they have natty on tap.
I have never met Ed Hardy. I don’t know what he looks. I don’t know anything about him, you can honestly point to a random person, tell me it’s Ed Hardy and I would walk up to him and break a bottle over his head. If your shirt has skulls, dragons, witches, goblins, or any other character you’ll find in a game of Dungeons and Dragons, trash it. You may think the crazy designs will make you stand out, and you’re right it will, everyone will stare at you and wonder where your parents went wrong in raising you.
Flip Flops/Sandals Anywhere Except The Beach
If I see you out in any setting where we are not within any walking distance of sand, I will repeatedly step on the back of the heels to make sure you learn better. I do not want to be out to dinner or having drinks with friends and throw up my mildly overpriced cocktail because I’m staring at your grimy toe nails. It honestly takes 30 seconds for normal people to tie some shoes.
Yes, it is even worse when you add socks to the situation. Save that fashion crime for your grandpa or post softball game beers with your teammates.
If you are old enough to not use your friend’s older cousin that sort of looks like you driver’s license than you’re too old to wear a snapback. Sorry guys, I've never heard a woman say: “I wasn’t going to leave with him, but when I saw his ‘you can’t bag my swag’ snapback, I just couldn't control myself.” For the most part, when you’re out for the night, avoid hats period.
P.s. if you own anything with the word “swag” burn it now. Please, for the sake of all humanity, that word needs to be buried in 12 feet of concrete
Gel In The Hair.
The days of spending 20 minutes getting all the spikes in your hair to the right proportion are gone along with the GTL, fist pumping and Jager bombs. The current hair style is starting contour to the shorter on top, natural look. Good news, we just saved you an agonizing eternity of hair sculpting and $100 a year on product.
I know it’s not a fashion thing, but I still think that this needs to go. Drink real whiskey.