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Trench Coats Redeemed By Women's Fashion

Updated on April 12, 2011
From the New York Magazine Feature On The New Trenches
From the New York Magazine Feature On The New Trenches

For a long time, the trench coat has had a very, very bad reputation. Indeed, the last time anyone thought well of a guy in a trench coat was in the ye olde detective movies, and perhaps briefly during the glory days of the first Matrix movie, though for the most part, Chinese collars were far more fashionable than trench coats ever were.

For quite some time, simply being seen to wear a trench coat on a regular basis has been sufficient evidence for a judge to grant a wiretapping order on you. (I made that up, but I bet you half a box of Tic Tacs it's true.)

However finally, salvation has arrived for the humble, much maligned trench coat. Women's fashion has opened the door of its humble abode and offered the trust garment a cup of tea and a lie down. After a few hours of listening to the radio, talking about celebrity marriages and scoffing chocolate afghans whilst having its nails done, the trench coat has found a way to be trendy and non threatening once more.

Women will be glad to know that they may yet do for the trench coat what they once did for high heels – redeemed a dishonored fashion and returned it to popularity. (High heels were once popular amongst the lords and ladies French court in the days before the French revolution, however with the onset of the revolution and the rampant execution of anyone vaguely aristocratic looking soon sent heels out of style, until women came along and dared anyone to send them to the guillotine for wearing fabulous heels. It turned out nobody would and we've been hobbling along in the things ever since.)

The new feminine trench coats are light and playful, and best matched with bright stockings or socks, to show that you are not a dangerous goth, but a trendy fashionista doing your bit to make the world a happier place. Pretty high heels and waving your long hair about your face is also recommended by New York Magazine, who broke news of the trend, but it's probably not mandatory.

Color wise, tan, white and beige are all in at the moment. Beige is an incredibly safe color known to soothe babies and comfort the elderly, so you can comfortably wear a beige trench coat without anyone alerting the authorities.

Trench dresses are also popping into style. A trench dress looks much like a trench coat, but is usually a bit shorter, and a bit more fitting and probably isn't all that waterproof, so if it looks like rain, you'll probably have to wear a trench coat over your trench dress, creating a pleasing Russian doll effect when you step indoors and take off your coat.

When done correctly, fashion is indistinguishable from magic.

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