One Man's Encounter with the Mysteries of UGG
The UGG boot is simply defined as a sheepskin boot in the Macquarie Dictionary of Australia.
It's a Pair of UGG, Not UGGS
I used to try to complement people's boots, "Those are a nice pair of UGGS," I said. Then I was corrected by my girlfriend. "No, Mark, they are UGG, not UGGS. There's no "S" at the end of UGG." My girlfriend would know; she must have fifteen pairs of UGG in her closet. There's slippers and black leather boots and flip flops and chocolate brown boots and boots with special girly designs and low boots with hippie frills, and other colorful UGG shoes like pink and blue and purple. She has a regular UGG wonderland in her closet. By far it's her favorite shoe.
Another faux pas that I made was to tell my girlfriend that she should wear socks with her UGG because it was cold out. "Mark, you don't wear socks with UGG," she said while sucking her tongue. "You wear them au naturel." I did some research and confirmed that she was right. UGG was originally made for surfers in Australia who wanted something warm when they got out of the water and something that would keep the sand off their feet. So they stuck their hairy footsies into sheepskin boots with no socks. Nowadays, it is an attractive American woman, like my girlfriend, who gently places her clean and pedicured feet into the soft inside of an UGG.
Times have really changed. UGG used to be for the grungy and the gnarly surfer dudes, now they are for the ultra feminine and sophisticated boot connoisseurs.
The UGG boot is a twin-faced sheepskin with fleece on the inside and a tanned outer surface.
Men Need to Get it Together
Watching women for the past twenty years wear UGG, I always wondered if their feet would get sweaty with all that fur inside. I thought about how smelly the boots must be and how do you clean them when they get so grimy? My sneakers don't have fur inside and they get really stinky if I wear them without socks. So I asked my girlfirend, "Babe, don't your UGG get smelly inside from your feet sweating?"
She laughed at me. I should have realized once again--I'm a guy. I don't know anything about the shoes women wear. I have a guy's mentality. She was patient with me and, thankfully, not condescending in her response.
"Your feet breathe in UGG. They stay at your normal body temperature. In a real sense, the fleecy lining breathes with you so your feet don't sweat and your boots don't get smelly."
Geez, I thought. What an amazing concept. The person who invented this shoe must be a real genius. Although, it was unclear who actually invented the boot. Was it a guy from Australia in the 1950s or some shoemaker in New Zealand? The Australians didn't even like the boot; they just saw it as functional and warm. But the women here are much more discernible. They know a good boot when they see one. Most of us guys are Neanderthals, still wearing Florsheim ankle boots and those stiff, uncomfortable Dingos. I'm beginning to believe that men are stuck in the Stone Ages with their clothing choices, especially their shoes and boots are way out of date.
We need to catch up to women--and fast!
It's More Than Just a Shoe
UGG has become more than a boot for women, and more than just a symbol of being a free spirit. It has become something magical. The magic starts when they buy a pair. They are transfixed trying them on. Their eyes are glazed and they can't speak in complete sentences or in English for that matter. Their whole body tingles. There is a sparkle in the eye and a noticeable glow to the skin. There's some kind of full body transformation that occurs once the sheepskin hits the female foot. It's unexplainable; it's like what Cinderella must have experienced when she tried on the glass slipper. But I'm sure that Cinderella would have preferred a soft fleece-lined slipper over a shoe made of glass.
If you are a man reading this Hub, I urge you to take your favorite female UGG-shopping. It will make your jaw drop. It will be an event that you will never forget as long as you live. You will thank me for giving you this advice, even though it might cost you $150 or more for the experience--but it's absolutely worth it.
Women become so ecstatic. It's a joy to watch. They become so proud of their UGG like it is the perfect wedding dress; like they have found Prince Charming. It's almost as if they discovered the most delicious sushi of all time! It's almost as good as a hot, sweaty and vigorous Bikram yogi class.
UGG is Better than the Best Sushi Ever
Men, Get Your UGG On!
Even though it were men who wore the boots first in Australia and New Zealand and then Southern California--men just don't get it. They are just numb in the foot. But it will eventually happen. It just takes men a long time to catch up to women. Look at Yoga. Even though men started Yoga, only a few men did it and found meaning from it. But when women found Yoga, it really took off. It became an amazing physical and spiritual form of exercise and meditation. Now, more men are doing it and trying it and slowly discovering that women are right. Women are always right. Men may start things, but women know how to finish and develop things. Mark my words, eventually men will get the UGG thing and it will take off. Men will have the same feeling, the same mental climax as women do when they slip on a pair of UGG for the first time.
Just like yoga, men are just afraid of doing something labeled as being feminine. But just like yoga, things change and men feel safer and will eventually try something new. Men are like scared babies that have to be coddled and coerced into trying something out of the box or unconventional. It will just take a little time.
So men, get your UGG on! And listen to Tom Brady, he knows a good sheepskin when he sees one--just like he knows a good pigskin.
List of Things that the UGG boot is Better Than
UGG is better than
UGG is not better than
The best sushi in the world
A wedding dress
A Bikram yoga class
A kiss from Fresh Prince
A meal at Denny's
A good wax job
A big banana split
A gift certificate from Lululemon
Only a Wedding Dress is Better Than UGG
In 1978 Austrailian surfer Brian Smith arrived in Southern California with a lot of sheepskin boots ready to sell them in America. Male surfers loved them.
Is That an UGG or a FUGG?
It's not like I'm obsessed with UGG. I don't even own a pair yet but eventually I will. But I am very much aware of women wearing them in the malls and on the streets. I like to people watch anyway, and one of the things I like to do with my girlfriend is to identify UGG footwear. So we might sit on a bench in front of Nordstrom's and watch the women leave and enter the building.
I feel like a kid picking out types of sneakers or something, but I have gotten pretty good at identifying an UGG boot from a FUGG.
- The big UGG letters are always on the heel of the real boot so I never miss it.
- The FUGG boots seem to collapse around the sides of the boot and the suede looks cheap.
- With sneakers there is a different type of logo that has UGG in the middle of a spiral and they have a label on the tongue of the sneaker. I need my glasses for that one.
- Regarding the moccasin or slippers, I really can't tell unless the woman has her leg up in the air so I can see the UGG label on the bottom of her shoes or if she takes off her shoe, hands it too me and I can check the label inside. Don't worry, I never go that far to verify an UGG.
This Angel Troll is Wearing a Fugg
I Don't Have an UGG Fetish
I think my girlfriend really prefers me to identify more masculine things like cars or football players. I think she feels more secure when I ask, is that a Maserati? Instead of pointing out a Mini Bailey or a Shiny Bailey or even a Bailey Button Triplet, she would prefer me to be pick out a Ford Escort or a Mini Cooper.
I assure my girlfriend that I don't have a foot fetish; I'm more of a leg man. I try to convince her that I'm a normal male. It's just something that I'm going through at the moment. I'll grow out of it. Not to worry. I promise.
Does your boyfriend look or stare at UGG boots a lot? Does you boyfriend have an endless amount of questions about the UGG boot? Can your boyfriend identify which is an UGG and which is a FUGG? If so, please let me know. I really don't want to be the only one. Your replies are welcome.