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Underwear With Butt Pads - What Happens When The Pads Come Out?

Updated on May 9, 2011

From the Undergear catalog...

What does happen when you pull out your butt pads?

I have to say that I've always had a great ass. Maybe it's the years I spent dancing and teaching dance but whatever the reason, being a gay man, I've always found a good ass a real asset. I wasn't shocked while thumbing through the back of a recent Advocate magazine to see that they're selling underwear with butt pads in them. I've actually known about them for a long time but I suddenly started to wonder, what happens when the butt pads come out? - Don't Get Me Started!

A lot of women reading this are immediately thinking about their "cutlets" that they have in their top right hand drawer as we speak. (For those three of you who don't know, these are the new toilet paper for what we used to call "stuffing" your bra except they look like chicken cutlets thus the name and supposedly have the feel of a real breast.) The similarity between cutlets and pads is that women use their cutlets to get men and men who are using their butt pads are also trying to get men.

I had a boss years ago who struggled from not having an ass. And so I gave him the International Male catalog (Read that blog here... Remember the International Gay...I Mean, International Male Catalog?) which to no one's surprise carried the little gay man's helpers. Much like the story of Goldilocks I think the underwear came with three different sized sets of pads, too big, too small and just right (however, the one that was "just right" is in the eye of the beholder, I suppose) He bought a few pair and I have to say, while you'd never end up setting tea on his ass, there was definitely more "junk in his trunk."

But the question for me remains, what exactly do you do once you've lured your prey with the hopes of a fabulous bubble butt and it ends up being something left over from the International House of Pancakes? I get that you could discreetly slip off the underwear with the pads in it but once you've exposed yourself won't your secret be as well? Is the idea that you're hoping your newfound partner won't notice? Hardly, as I wrote about previously, the G-A-A-A-Y triple threat which is Arms, Abs and Ass. Those three things are the most important for most gay men on the prowl. Trust me if someone is interested in your due to what your ass looks like in your favorite pair of jeans, you'd better be able to deliver.

Maybe you graduate your new found pal to the real you. First date, you wear the biggest pads, second date move down to the next set and keep going until you get to the "real" you. The problem with this theory is that I think most men are using these to find the boy of their schemes at the local bar. So you'd have to either carry a man purse with your other ass options or just hope that they get drunk enough that when you get them home (or in the alley) they'll still think you have the ass of Zeus when you really have the ass of, well, you.

But as I write all of this I think it's more to do with self-esteem than asses. I'll bet the guys that have no ass feel great when they have their pads in. And good for them because shouldn't we all feel good about ourselves? And isn't it better to get that boost from cutlets or pads instead of surgery? It's just that I squeeze fruit before I buy it and the same goes for asses (back when I was in the market). So I say, use the pads if they make you feel better about yourself and know that not everyone is going to figure out your secret but eventually when the lights go out in Georgia (that's the night they hung an innocent man incidentally) you will be found out. So do it for you and know that some of us really do wonder what happens when the butt pads come out? - Don't Get Me Started!


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    • profile image

      Jrude 6 years ago

      We live in an extremely superficial world. It is sad and pathetic. We have detached ourselves from personality, heart, integrity, and most importantly, our morals. The first thing that attracts me to someone is a smile, a kind word, or and warm handshake. Not to say that face, body and butt don't mean anything they do, but America is missing out on so many great people by banking and living on the thoughts that it is all aobut physical appearance. It is sad and shallow.

    • pamplemousse profile image

      pamplemousse 7 years ago from Austin, TX

      On a related note, I saw an infomercial selling wine-filled breast enhancers the other day. You stick them in your bra and sip wine from a straw, like a boozy, sex-appeal-enhancing camelbak. Although, it must be disheartening to watch your chest slowly deflate as you get drunker...

    • Nick Stevens profile image

      Nick Stevens 7 years ago from Manchester, NH

      Butt pads!! Never knew about them...but I suppose it could help those who have a complex about their skinny butts. But then they have to face the real world someday when they have to do without the butt pads and it is just going to be harder for them when that happens.

    • profile image

      hkimbrell 7 years ago

      This is too good! I think that if you're single and looking, butt pads (as with any removable foam body part)are false advertising and a terrible idea. But I could see where it might come in handy...

      Say you have a highschool reunion and you just want to look better than everyone else? Who doesn't want to pretend that after highschool they turned into a model? Isn't that the point of the reunion? LOL. Anyway, if it's just an "event related" little white lie I don't think it's too awful. But to use it as man bait? Well then you're fishing for dissapointment and humiliation. :P

      Great article!!!

    • profile image

      Butt Bra 8 years ago

      it is definitely a good idea to fake it as not everyone I meet is going to see me inside the house without it!!!

    • somelikeitscott profile image

      somelikeitscott 8 years ago from Las Vegas

      RooBee, even better than them adding comments to sell their butt pads, someone actually sent me a pair. It's a blog entitled "I know why the padded underwear butt sings" or something. Thanks for the nice comments and welcome aboard.

    • RooBee profile image

      RooBee 8 years ago from Here

      Wow, so your comment area turns into spam-central for butt-pad purveyors! Interesting.

      This is a great hub. You write very well, and have an awesome sense of humor. As for my take on the pads, first off I have to admit that they make me giggle.

      After I finish that, I figure that I don't care too much since I'm off the market and don't have to worry about being on either side of a disappointing disrobing incident! My take is that it's not much different from padded bras, heavy makeup, and "Spanks" (gawd, how I wish I'd thought of those - that woman has made a killing!!!). You may be able to lure one in w/ all the false stuff, but good luck keeping him or her!!

      Thx for a hub that really assks an important question!!! :D:D (Sorry, bad jokes just happen around me. It's like an illness or something I think).

    • Mrs Hozey profile image

      Mrs Hozey 8 years ago

      Sounds like a water bra. What do you say when they found out you're not that blessed after all, I wonder?

    • starrkissed profile image

      starrkissed 9 years ago from Arizona

      That's interesting. I never knew there were things such as butt pads. I say to each their own and if people want to wear em, let em! :D

    • petexanh profile image

      Peter 9 years ago

      They're not for me, but realistically when they come off, I think it becomes a moot point whether its a 'wonderbra' or not

    • profile image

      Dana 9 years ago

      I agree, try - amazing fit and feel!

    • profile image

      Mel 9 years ago

      If they're made using quality fabrics and a great design, it's easy to be discreet and look natural - and fantastic. BFU has men's and women's available - I love the men's but I have friends who wear the women's boyshorts - they love them too.

    • profile image

      PEACHY 9 years ago

      I think the butt pads are a great idea, for my boody-less friends. Fortunately i have a nice back side but my associates have different than the wonder bra, when it comes off.....itsy bitsy....i guess same as no booty and besides they all complain about not havin a butt so Christmas presents will be easy for me this year

    • profile image

      sarah 9 years ago

      they don't come out if you wear bubbles <a href="">padded underwear</a>. They are boyshorts with foam butt pads. But those are only made for girls.

    • profile image

      sarah 9 years ago

      they don't come out if you wear bubbles padded underwear. But those are only made for girls.

    • Isabella Snow profile image

      Isabella Snow 9 years ago

      I gotta say I think faking it is a bad idea. I mean, when they DO come out, doesn't that make you feel that much worse??

      Then again.. makeup washes off.. and push up bras come off... hmmm... !