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When You’re Gay You Just Can’t Wear As Many Bracelets As Jermaine Jackson

Updated on December 2, 2009


At first when I started seeing Jermaine Jackson on every Larry King episode after the death of his brother Michael Jackson I was amazed that the family who was raised on media before they could even chew solid food (well, you must admit that Michael probably hadn’t seen solid food in years based on his appearance) but you know what I mean about the Jacksons being very sophisticated when it comes to the media. Here was Jermaine speaking for the family and he seemed to be the dullest of the shining stars that were the Jacksons. He could barely put three sentences together and every sentence ended with him saying that his brother was the most important person in the world. It was disturbing on many levels but one of the things that annoyed me the most was the six million bracelets he was always seen wearing (which no doubt got caught on the rhinestones of the faux Michael white glove he wore on way too many occasions). And yet, on Jermaine the bracelets seemed to work. I think I was bitter because when you’re gay you just can’t wear as many bracelets as Jermaine Jackson – Don’t Get Me Started!

Now before you all start going off on me that I’m being too judgmental just know that I’m speaking from personal experience. Sure, if you want to be a stereotype you can go ahead and wear all the bracelets you want but let’s face it, if you’re the least bit effeminate you just can’t wear a bunch of bracelets without embarrassing yourself and the gay community at large. Sure there was awhile when we could sort of get away with it because the bracelets were rubber and for causes like cancer so they didn’t jingle and jangle but for the most part gays, we just can’t do it.

However there are exceptions. Not that I know for a fact or am saying that he is gay (eyebrow raised) but Bob the trainer from Biggest Loser is another lots of bracelets wearer and for him it seems to be okay. He does seem more than a little bit effeminate but you seem to not be sure if it’s gay or just a southern accent. I say good for him that he can wear a zillion bracelets and carry it off and although I wish I was anywhere close to his body fat ratio I do worry when he gets too thin and wears his hair too short that he just looks like a skull someone should be studying in an anatomy class. But I digress.

I think it’s a very cool look when guys wear a lot of bracelets (I guess I should be calling them, “cuffs” right cause that sounds a little more butch) and maybe I’m just not trying it with the right bracelets but I doubt it. You see, I have the wrists of a model (a ten year old girl model) so put more than one bracelet on me and I end up looking less like a rock star and more like Carmen Miranda, “South American Way!” So let’s just say that I won’t be wearing a lot of bracelets anytime soon but then again I also won’t be naming a child, Jermajesty either so maybe I have more sense than Jermaine all the way around. Still I can’t help but being a little jealous that when you’re gay you just can’t wear as many bracelets as Jermaine Jackson – Don’t Get Me Started!

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