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Winter Gloves Could Kill You

Updated on December 7, 2009

I grew up in Arizona, where honestly winter gloves were much more of a fashion statement than a necessity. And although I lived on the east coast for many years, I have always just sort of “toughed it out” when it comes to my hands and winter in Las Vegas. This is stupid. It gets cold here, really cold here. And while some morons still like to prance about in their shorts, as I said, they’re morons so you shouldn’t do the same thing they do whether it be for your legs or your hands, right? But over the years of living in Las Vegas, all the stuff I used to know about cold weather dressing has gone out the window. That needs to change. As we will barely see above the 50 degree mark here in Vegas this week, I was forced to dig out the winter coat and gloves this morning. And not only did I not miss feeling as though I weigh an extra forty pounds from all of the overcoating, I discovered that winter gloves could kill you – Don’t Get Me Started!

Now for those of you who live in really cold climates all the time, my knit hat is off to you (not that I’d ever wear a knit hat because a) they don’t look good on me, the only hat I ever looked good in was Mouseketeer ears and b) you really think I’m going to mess up my hair for warmth or a hat? I don’t have the good kind of hair that can take being under a hat. If you put a hat on my head, my hair instantly molds to that shape and no matter for how short a period of time you’ve had it on, the rest of the day you walk around with people wondering why you’re not wearing the hat that your hair is molded to fit. I know some people say that you just have to keep layering but the more I layer the more I feel as though I’m getting ready for a moonwalk instead of going to work.

When I lived on the east coast I would always take my coat off before I got in the car and then replace it upon exit. You see I despise the whole Michelin man feel when I’m behind the wheel. You know, your arms are jutting out almost directly from your shoulders and your grasp on the steering wheel is the only thing that lets you know you still have feeling in some part of your body to be able to grasp the wheel. But this morning here in not so sunny Las Vegas it’s just too damn cold for all of that, I was about to enter a Mini Cooper refrigerator so coats and gloves remained in place.

I am not a tall person and my body is (with the exception of my middle) completely proportioned so it’s always difficult for me to find things like shoes and gloves that fit. While designers have started to make shoes in kids’ sizes that look exactly like their adult counterparts (and sometimes at almost half the price), I’ve found it easier to get shoes but when it comes to gloves you’ve either got the kind that have a cartoon on it, mittens or women’s gloves that are so tapered at the end of each finger that it gives the appearance you have a full set of Barbara Streisand nails under them, none being a very good option for me. So I finally found a pair of men’s leather gloves that fit pretty good but there’s still some room at the end of the fingers so when you go to get your keys or do anything in the least bit intricate, there you are with your one glove in your mouth while the naked hand tries to do the job of both of them. With only a stop at the grocery store and the gas station this morning I must have taken at least one of my gloves on and off eight times. But where I really got in trouble was when I tried to use my iPhone. Never mind the fact that I couldn’t use the on screen keyboard at all without touching almost every letter of the alphabet instead of just one, I went to turn the volume up on the side of it and must have been overcompensating for lack of feeling due to the gloves when the iPhone slipped from my grasp and hit me in the eye. Were my hands warmer as a result of it, you bet but now my eye hurts. Winter gloves can kill you – Don’t Get Me Started!

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