Women Over 50 Should Not Wear Long Hairstyles
Does Jennifer Lopez Think This Is Sexy?
What Do Jennifer Lopez, Jennifer Anniston, and Mary-Louise Parker Have in Common?
Every proper woman knows the rule: "No long hairstyles after 50." These days, however, propriety seems to be taking a back seat to vanity, particularly in the Hollywood set. Just take a look at Jennifer Lopez and Jennifer Aniston, both of whom are 50, touting their luxurious locks and daring hemlines at their age. Indeed! Did nobody tell them to just get old? What is this world coming to?
If she had any sense of propriety at all, Jennifer Lopez would remember her age and just stop looking so gorgeous. She would immediately change her hairstyle to something more befitting a mature woman in her 50s.
Long hair is for women in the flower of their youth. Long hair is beautiful, sexy, and feminine and we all know that women over 50 just can't be sexy or beautiful. Ladies of a certain age, it is time to accept that your autumnal years are upon you and just go gracefully. You can start by cutting those suggestive strands (or at least pinning them back) and donning more appropriate attire.
Jennifer Has Been in the "Great Hair" Limelight Long Enough
Jennifer Aniston is no better than J-Lo. Here's Jennifer in her 50s and still running around looking like a million bucks. The nerve. She should be getting fat and wrinkly by now. And for Pete's sake, enough with the splendorous hair already. Haven't you been in the great-hair limelight long enough Jennifer? Girlfriend, it is time for you to step down, pass the torch to the younger generations, and join the ranks of the old and has-been.
Mary-Louise Shouldn't Leave the House Like This
Mary-Louise Parker from Weeds is 54 years old . . . yes, you read that right, 54! This is ridiculous, Mary-Louise, look at you. Why, you don't look a day over 30. Disgraceful. Just look at this brunette beauty refusing to embrace marmishness like a good 54-year-old should.
Wearing her long hair in face-framing waves is flattering and sexy. Combine that with a fabulous figure and confident poise, and Mary-Louise retains her girlish sensuality well into her advanced years. It is a shame that such a lovely woman should flaunt her aged self so indecently.
Salma Hayek: Fighting the Inevitable Ravages of Time
I actually met Salma Hayek back in the '90s when she was in her prime. She was, in fact, the most radiantly beautiful person I had ever seen. She actually had an aura around her that made her appear unearthly. Unfortunately, Salma is yet another example of a woman in her mid-50s who has not the decency to look her age.
Salma wears her glossy, dark, hair well past her shoulders at 52years old. She looks beautiful, sexy, and everything that a woman of her age simply should not.
Angela Bassett Doesn't Know When to Stop Being Fabulous
What can I say about Angela Bassett? Imagine looking as ravishing as she does at 59 years old . . . outrageous! Some women just don't know when to stop being so fabulous. Angela's lack of decorum is as apparent as her undiminished allure.
Michelle Pfeiffer Is No Role Model for Younger Women
Does Michelle Pfeiffer actually think that her magnificent mane looks appropriate on a 59-year-old woman? And for that matter, why doesn't she look anywhere near 50? This is really just annoying. Don't these people age?
Mary Steenburgen, We Thought You Were So Sensible!
Mary, Mary, Mary . . . so kind, so lovely, so inappropriate. How could a woman of 60-plus not know better? The very idea that she could look so beautiful and vibrant when she is over 60 is perfectly indecent.
Never mind that her hair is thick, healthy, and looks great on her, rules are rules and Mary Steenburgen is well past the 50-year mark.
Christie Brinkley May Be the Worst Offender of All
Possibly the worst offender of them all is Christy Brinkly. Not only is she 65 and still flaunting her signature long, golden tresses, but she also has the audacity to look just like she did 30 years ago! Christie has had her day and then some. Let's see a little withering on your part, eh, Christie?
Iman? Is that You, or Your Daughter?
When it comes to Iman, I'm just confused. I think this photo is actually of a much younger impostor. Perhaps Iman sent her daughter to masquerade on her behalf. There is just no way such long, straight hair could look that fantastic on a 63-year-old. Everyone knows that long hair is aging and unattractive on the "overly ripe." Quite impossible.
Elizabeth Hurley Needs Some Fashion Advice
Everyone says that yours truly looks just like Elizabeth Hurley. Well, OK, no one actually said that but Elizabeth and I are about the same age with similar hair styles. Actually, mine is a little longer.
Yes, I Am Kidding!
Did I say that women over 50 should not wear long hair? Oops, here's what I meant: As long as your hair is healthy and flattering to the shape of your face, why not wear it long at any age? I believe that the "rule" is referring to those with unhealthy, scraggly, long hair that is not attractively styled which, of course, does not apply to any of us.