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Breaking the Dress Code

Updated on April 16, 2012
Source

When Fashion Began

Fashion has been around since Adam bit the apple. Figs, leaves, vines, furs, animal skin and bones were designed into clothing. Needles, made from bone allowed people to begin sewing things together, adding adornments or color with dyes.

By the 1770's the sewing machine was born. Manufacturing clothing in mass proportions became a reality.

By the 1800's there were Fashion Parades, Vogue Magazine made it's first appearance in 1892. Coco Chanel was born in 1883 and would become the worlds most famous fashion designer. Her legacy still lives and grows today.

Currently, according to Grab Stats over 4 million people are employed in the fashion industry and over 20 billion dollars are generated annually in revenue.

Dress Code

Dress Codes can be written and enforced by employers but largely exist as an unwritten set of rules in our respective cultures. In the western culture sex sells. Fashion designer's are pushing more and more mature clothing to the pre-teen and 'tweens. With this, it seems as if there is a growing crowd of people who are "fashion challenged." Maybe a bit confused! While western culture is more lax than ever about dress codes maybe there should be one. Let's set the record straight for community service. Together - we can make the world a prettier place.

Source

Dress codes were established during the medieval times to indicate status or positions of power. During ancient times only Roman Senators were allowed to wear Tyrean Purple. Indian Chiefs wore feather head dresses and different religious orders might have worn habit's.

What we wear can say a lot about who we are. Military, police, or fireman can be easily identified by their uniforms. Academic dress is common in private educational facilities. If we see a man in a Kilt - most of us would instantly recognize his ethnicity.

In some countries people are identified by their clothing. French Peasant women can be immediately associated to her village by the type of cap or "coif" she wears. In Palestine, women wear an embroidery pattern on their dress to signify which village they live in.

Original Dress Code
Original Dress Code | Source

Fashion Faux Pas

Personally, I don't like rules. Rules are made to be broken is my favorite rule. However, some rules should never be broken. I took a poll on Facebook and I asked people to tell me about their fashion faux pas advice. Here is what is NOT trending now.

Did he crack the code?

WRONG!
WRONG! | Source
Do NOT go there!
Do NOT go there! | Source

No X-Tight Clothes Please!

New Rule: Just because you can squeeze into those pants - doesn't mean you should! If your pants look the same from the front as the back? Do not wear them. No muffin tops either was another request. Don't let your chest fall into your drawers.

No one wants to see your coin slot. I swear. There are plenty of fetish clubs or websites that would love to see your *extras* but most of us do not! Tuck it all in.

In Iran, the men are not allowed to ever wear shorts. Women - must be covered. Basically - they can wrap their heads with fabric and they are allowed to cut a slash so they don't trip while they work themselves to death and a breathing hole. Now, this doesn't apply to visitors - visiting women or tourists, must keep their hair covered. What is with Iranian guys and their fascination with women's hair? They lose control of all of their faculties if they see lady hair. This is serious for them too - death by hanging can be a consequence.

Source

Leave something to be desired.

Ladies, I realize that it is the 21st century. We have evolved. Please put your clothes on! There is a time and a place for everything and nudity should be reserved for the nude beaches or the privacy of your own home. The rest of us - do not want to see your goodies in public.

I do think that men love seeing women dressed so scantily but I do not think you will have a second date after the one night stand. Men do not value the ladies that show it all. Leave something for the imagination girls. Men don't want their father or their friends looking at your junk!


Stains? Rips?

If you have an article of clothing - and I do not care how much you love it - if it has a stain or a tear do not ever wear it until you have the stain removed or the rip sewn up. I don't care if it was expensive. Stained clothing says, "I do not care if I look like a slob."

Here is a tip: You can take that to the cleaners and if the clothing was expensive it is worth a trip to see if they can help you. If you have a tear, hole or rip in an article of clothing you can also have it repaired at a professional Tailor. Many times, dry cleaners offer this service as well. You can have jackets or slacks taken in or altered if you lose a bit of weight.

Proper Grooming

I understand that in many countries the use of deodorant does not exist. However, in the United States it is customary to wear deodorant. If you work with the public it would be very nice if you could conform to these social norms regardless of your personal culture. Most people do not want to smell body odors.

If you are going to wear shoes that have an open toe - please groom your feet. This means clip your toe nails and keep them clean looking. No one wants to see your yellowed tallons in your flip flops. Do this at home. Do not ever take your shoes off and proceed to give yourself a pedicure at your desk - it is revolting.

Update your hairstyle

If you are still wearing bangs, a mullet, rat-tail or 'Prince' perm it is time for a trip to the stylist. I know that it can be expensive to go to a good cosmetologist but please - afford it. At least once in a while get a good cut and style. If you like to entertain - go ahead and keep the feathers.

Source

No VPL!

Suffering from Visible Panty Lines? Choose better underwear! If you are wearing white clothing - you should wear beige or nude colored undergarments. I was in a bra shop and I overheard two ladies talking and one said, "you should choose your bra according to your skin color! It should match the shade of your skin." It just pained me not to inform her that her friend was OH SO WRONG! Wear what is appropriate for the clothing - don't wear pink stars under white or light colored clothing unless you are 5.

No, no, no!

Source

Sandals & Socks....

Please do not wear sandals with socks unless you are over 76 and you have a circulation issue. If you are hiking through the woods - still do not wear socks with sandals - go ahead and wear a pair of tennis shoes or hiking boots! Lets face it - if you need to get pulled out of the woods by emergency services, you do not want to be shown dangling from the helicopter wearing those knee high socks.

St. Louis - Leading the Fashion Industry!

St. Louis is not only famous for being the most dangerous city to live in. It is now the trend setter in high fashion industry. It is true - it is now a crime to dress bad in St. Louis. We take our fashion seriously!

The City of Pine Lawn has made it a crime to wear baggy jeans or jeans that hang past your waistline. You could be ticketed fined or taken to jail, I guess it just depends on how ugly your ensemble is. If you are going to enter the city of Pine Lawn - pull your pants up, you will not be allowed to show your ass up in here.

MLB Enforces Dress Code for Women Reporters

Why It's Important

The way we dress says a lot about us. It can indicate social status or class, what branch of service a person is in, where they might work or go to school or church. Our style of dress can indicate gender, political or ethnic affiliations. It can indicate anti-social group or gang association. It can say a lot about our sexual proclivities or attitudes. How available are you?

While no real Federal or health code laws exist on the books it is a good idea to dress for success. Clean clothing and good personal hygiene are a must - especially if you plan to go to pine lawn!

For those of you who are fashion challenged, I have linked a website that can help! You can enter data such as what the event is that you are attending, the climate, time of day and it will help you choose your clothing no matter what the season. Don't break the dress code!

"Style is a way to say who you are without having to speak." ~Rachel Zoe

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  • RealHousewife profile image
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    Kelly Umphenour 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    Thank you so much anonymous!

  • RealHousewife profile image
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    Kelly Umphenour 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    Ha! Thank you so much anonymous for leaving me a comment to let me know!!

  • profile image

    anonymous 4 years ago

    Very nice site!

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    anonymous 4 years ago

    Hello! eeedeaa interesting eeedeaa site! I'm really like it! Very, very eeedeaa good!

  • RealHousewife profile image
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    Kelly Umphenour 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    Oh hi Kelley - thanks so much. I love doing funny ones - makes me laugh at my own self:) haha! I'm not that great of a dresser! Haha!

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    kelleyward 5 years ago

    I had to return for the pictures. Always puts a smile on my face! Sharing this one! Kelley

  • RealHousewife profile image
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    Kelly Umphenour 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    Hi Audra! Thank you so much - you are such a terrific supporter, commenter and friend:) I appreciate all your kindness!

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    iamaudraleigh 5 years ago

    I agree that deoderant is esssential in everyday life! Lol! I got a giigle out of your hub today :) Keep on doing what you do so great! Voted up!

  • RealHousewife profile image
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    Kelly Umphenour 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    Myth - I always take the time to put my stuff back - I don't want to though! It just feels so rude to be leaving a mess for someone to clean up after me. It would be interesting to be security though! I would like catching shop lifters! lol

  • mythicalstorm273 profile image

    mythicalstorm273 5 years ago

    Ya... the dressing rooms are pretty gross. Luckily I did not have too many issues, but theft was pretty bad and they left a lot of garbage in the fitting room. It also got really bad because they would bring in like 15 poofy prom dresses and leave them all on the floor so the next person couldn't even walk into the room. Oh well. That is a whole different talk on respect that just gets to me! lol

  • RealHousewife profile image
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    Kelly Umphenour 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    Oh wow! That's so funny - I'm like crying here! Duck faces? Pretty! Those chicks will never get a date! Lol. Hey did you ever wish you could like televise what's happening in those dressing rooms? I hate them. I knew someone who worked security and she said girls would pee in the dressing rooms and steal stuff. Gross - now I never try anything on! Lol.

  • mythicalstorm273 profile image

    mythicalstorm273 5 years ago

    See I do not mind the super tight long skirts if the person wearing them still looks nice. I've seen some women who wear them with a very flattering top and it just looks professional when done correctly, but it has to be done correctly! lol. Well the wedding was a few months ago already, but actually the thing that made me think of it was while I was working at younkers. I saw things when I would walk into the fitting room that made me want to tear my eyes out. One time (not even kidding) I walked in to these 2 teens trying on short tight prom dresses. They were both bent over leaning towards the mirror doing duck faces so they could take a picture. The one girl was probably close to a size 0 and looked adorable in the dress... the other girl was a size 14 or 16 wearing the same dress and all I saw when I walked in was bare butt! I turned around and walked back out without even grabbing any of the clothes. Also some of the dresses were very sexy and pretty but I saw tons of girls trying on the wrong style for their body and their events. So I learned a lot by working the prom dresses! lol

  • RealHousewife profile image
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    Kelly Umphenour 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    Hey Myth - lol - funny! There are so many fasion faux pas I could never list them all. I think you hit the most important 2 as well. I think ladies can dress pretty scantily and still look classy too - but don't dress for a night out at the bar when you work in an office. Most girls can't pull that off. If clothes are too tight - I hate that! I have been seeing a lot of the tight shirts that are a bit longer again - but if they are super tight it makes a girl look like a sausage! lol That isn't sexy!

    You were just at a wedding weren't you? Did you see anything in particular that made you think of that? LOL LOL

  • mythicalstorm273 profile image

    mythicalstorm273 5 years ago

    There are so many fashion no-no's that I really feel as if you barely touched them! I mean in all seriousness the way people dress today has gotten ridiculous! I do not mind fitted clothes or something that is a little more daring (especially when appropriately done) the main thing I ask is that you dress 1. Your size and 2. Your age. If you are at a dance or wedding then I am okay with you wearing a sexy dress that shows off your back or dips a little lower, but make sure that it is appropriate to the event! I do not want to see somebody with their boobs hanging out when I go to the grocery store or to the park with the kids... And yes socks and sandals is one of those things that will probably never go away but needs to! Goodness... fashion sense! lol... you just gave me so many horrible pictures in my mind!! Time to cleanse those pictures with your next hub! lol.

  • RealHousewife profile image
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    Kelly Umphenour 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    Hi Angela Michelle - lol. Ahhh that same blunt honesty is a double edged sword! I couldn't resist once the idea started floating around in my head:) lol. Thank you so much for the comment!

  • RealHousewife profile image
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    Kelly Umphenour 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    Sharyn! Don't bust your own self! Lol. You do not have bangs - I assure you! I lov head bands - now personally I think you'd look good with a huge bow right on top of your pretty head! Even and centered and all:) hahaha! I doubt you have anything to worry about - you're very crafty and know your colors real good!

  • angela_michelle profile image

    Angela Michelle Schultz 5 years ago from United States

    This was hilarious! Thank you for your blunt honesty!

  • Sharyn's Slant profile image

    Sharon Smith 5 years ago from Northeast Ohio USA

    Oh my, I have never been one to follow the crowd. That could be a problem for the fashion police! But I really haven't noticed if they are following me, ha. Seriously, I learned a lot here. Who would have thought Chanel dates back to the 1800s. Really great tips and information here Kel! I am a little concerned about the bangs thing though, they are okay, aren't they? Eh, doesn't really matter, I put it up in a headband. Oh crap, is a headband okay? Darn, I hear the FP coming, whatever :)

  • RealHousewife profile image
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    Kelly Umphenour 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    hahahaha Thank you 2patricias (both of you!) lol Hilarious - yeah I know exactly what you mean - and it is NOT a pretty sight! I just don't understand why someone would want to squeeze themselves into any piece of clothing - not only does it look horrific but it has got to be uncomfortable!

    Thanks so much - I got a great laugh out of your comment!

  • 2patricias profile image

    2patricias 5 years ago from Sussex by the Sea

    This is great - I especially like the list about what not to wear. Another tip: wear underwear that fits. For example a bra that is too small can make a woman look as if she has an extra pair of boobs. Not a good look.

    Voted up and funny.

  • RealHousewife profile image
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    Kelly Umphenour 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    Hi Susan! That is so funny - that cracked me up! lol Thank you SO much! You know I love doing these silly ones:0 haha!

  • sholland10 profile image

    Susan Holland 5 years ago from Southwest Missouri

    OMGOSH! This hub had me in stitches while teaching me some fashion history and tips at the same time. This truly is a must read. VOTES AND SHARES!

  • RealHousewife profile image
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    Kelly Umphenour 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    Hi ChristyWrites - thank you so much! I have so much fun writing about the silliest stuff:) lol

  • ChristyWrites profile image

    Christy Birmingham 5 years ago from British Columbia, Canada

    LOL funny! The part about VPL had me laughing :) Good hub!

  • RealHousewife profile image
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    Kelly Umphenour 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    Stacy - you've hit a great point! Yes! No one and I mean nobody NO BODY should dress like a runway model - I mean really? Who wears that crap? Seriously. I have never seen such crap. I mean it's entertaining to me to watch the runway models - and they are gorgeous - but I'm waytching to see who faints - or who falls! Lol lol

    Now that you mention it - I probably could just wear the same jeans and shirts - and just get a pair of new shoes and purse every now and then and no one would notice! Lol. I'm a blue Jean kinda girl myself, and always have been. I can dress up if needed...but it's just for fun. Even when I do - I feel like a phony! Lol

  • RealHousewife profile image
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    Kelly Umphenour 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    Hey Anjii - thank you so much! I will tell them! So funny isn't it - there are days when I see people in public and wish I was their mother so I could help them out! LOL. I mean it's not like I want to go all Victorian but please! Some clothes in public (and more than Tarzan and Jane wore) isn't too much to ask! Lol. I swear - sometimes I feel the need to slap my hand over my kids eyes! Instead I whisper - "please never ever go out dressed that way!" lol.

  • barbergirl28 profile image

    Stacy Harris 5 years ago from Hemet, Ca

    OK - so you are telling me that it is not appropriate to show your coin slot in public, where lingerie when out shopping and socks with sandals. UGH - I have been doing it wrong all these years.

    Actually when I started reading this, the first thought that came to mind was fashion runway models. I started thinking that those outfits aren't even reasonable.... after all, nothing I see on the runway is ever seen out in public. For me - I usually stick to pants or shirts and some kind of nice top. I think of it this way - it never goes out of fashion.

    Great Hub!

  • Anjili profile image

    Anjili 5 years ago from planet earth, a humanoid

    Hi Kelly,

    Tell them, tell them, tell them. You are such a darling for letting all this out. I realized, two days will hardly pass by before I see that ridiculous breach in dress codes. Someone should let them have it plain and clear. Bravo. Keep up with it. Voted interesting and sharing.

  • RealHousewife profile image
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    Kelly Umphenour 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    Hi Felina Margetty! Oh I do find it very funny sometimes:) lol It depends on the situation I guess...I was at an event downtown St. Louis - and I swear I saw a short little midget walking with a dog leash around this real huge fat guys neck..like he was dragging him around...I wish I had a camera - oh and the fat guy was wearing nothing but tighty whitey underwear! Now THAT was funny! haha! Thank you!

  • RealHousewife profile image
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    Kelly Umphenour 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    Hey LauraGT - I recently did see someone sporting some shoulder pads! OMG! gulp...I would look like a Rams linebacker! haha! I loved how bell bottoms came back into style...I had some when I was like 5? haha - oh please don't let the crocheted vests come back!

  • Felina Margetty profile image

    Felina Margetty 5 years ago from New York, New York

    Very nicely done, I liked your humor but never found fashion to be funny. What is wrong with polished shoes anyway.I really hate street cred fashion and prefer Italian wool over sleeveless tattooed arms. Ok, some summer fashion is ok without sleeves, but January. Tell me, does fashion have to be butch or boring? I tell you...Any way top score, good prose and as I said, very funny. Cheers F

  • LauraGT profile image

    LauraGT 5 years ago from MA

    Very cute. I will say that although I dress on the "normal" side of things, I do love seeing people dress differently, pushing the boundaries of what we think is acceptable. While I'm not the one doing it, I'm glad others out there are (well, maybe except for the butt cracks). I'm also very interested in how trends evolve. It seems like the 80s tapered jeans (now called "skinny jeans" are back! Who knew? Darn, I should have kept all my 7th grade clothes. Shoulder pads, anyone?

  • RealHousewife profile image
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    Kelly Umphenour 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    haha! Hi HarperDavis - oh that is funny! lol I don't know what's worse - I mean my dad always had a little plumber crack if he bent over too far! My sisters and I would be screaming "pull those pants up!" I had to make sure he wasn't the leader of some freaky gang too - nope just a bad dresser:) haha!

    Thank you so much!

  • RealHousewife profile image
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    Kelly Umphenour 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    Hi Lisas-thoughts101 - thank you! Yeah - too tight clothes are just silly! I mean really it just makes everything more visible and draws your attention. There are plenty of clothes that are adorable without going "all out" - LOL!

  • RealHousewife profile image
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    Kelly Umphenour 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    Hi Eiddwen - thank you so very much! lol I had a great time working on this one - some of them just go together so much easier and joke material is everywhere. This was one of those! I struggle with the ones where I have to start fearing my word count isn't good enough! lol

  • HarperDavis profile image

    HarperDavis 5 years ago from Midwest

    Hahaha! Sandals and socks, I should forward this to my dad. I swear he's the KING of that "movement" (unfortunately). What makes it worse is he insists on wearing socks with all of the crazy patterns.

    Can't wait for summer!

    Great hub. :)

  • Lisas-thoughts101 profile image

    Lisas-thoughts101 5 years ago from Northeast Texas

    realhousewife, I enjoyed the hub. I so agree with too tight clothing and showing crack.. jeez...:) Voted up and following. You have a nice style.

    Lisa

  • Eiddwen profile image

    Eiddwen 5 years ago from Wales

    Oh what a great hub ;I truly loved it along with half of HubPages I think.

    Up up and away,take care and enjoy your day.

    Eddy.

  • RealHousewife profile image
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    Kelly Umphenour 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    Hi Kelley - thank you! That's the best compliment ever!

  • profile image

    kelleyward 5 years ago

    I think he did crack the code! Great hub! Had me laughing this morning. Voted up and useful! Take care, Kelley

  • RealHousewife profile image
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    Kelly Umphenour 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    Hi Akqueencrab - right on! It isn't at all about money - just being neat and at least matching clothes would be nice. I'd rather a person smell really good:) haha!

  • RealHousewife profile image
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    Kelly Umphenour 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    Hi Kiwi Max! Thank you! I just had so much fun working on this one:).

    VPL - I wonder if guys like that and maybe it's a girl only dislike thing? Hmm I should have made a poll! Ahhhh! Thanks!

  • RealHousewife profile image
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    Kelly Umphenour 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    Hi johnakc - thank you! I tried:) lol

  • RealHousewife profile image
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    Kelly Umphenour 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    FirstStepsFitness - oh yeah someone di mention the PJ's in public! Apparently it is popular in Canada too!

    I think you're right on about the full length mirrors and in fact that is hilarious! I'm going to add a link for one in this hub! Thank you SO much!!

  • RealHousewife profile image
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    Kelly Umphenour 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    Hi alocsin - thank you so much! I was "cracking" up about that photo! I was hoping it wouldn't cause offense:) lol

  • RealHousewife profile image
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    Kelly Umphenour 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    Hi am301986 - thank you so much for the read and comment!!

  • AKqueencrab profile image

    AKqueencrab 5 years ago from Juneau, Alaska, USA

    This was informative AND funny. The pictures were a great addition. You don't have to have a lot of money to dress appropriately, you just need common sense! Thank you.

  • Kiwi Max profile image

    Max Zvyagintsev 5 years ago from New Zealand

    VPL, can't say I've heard of that until I read your hub. Very much enjoyed it!

    ..no..not the visible panty lines...the hub! Very well written and carries a great sense of humour.

  • johnakc profile image

    johnakc 5 years ago from New Delhi

    Hmm very nice ideas.. Good Hub..

  • FirstStepsFitness profile image

    FirstStepsFitness 5 years ago

    Really funny but how true hub :-)

    Did anyone mention slippers in public with the pj's ? Some people do NOT own full lenghth mirrors lol

  • alocsin profile image

    alocsin 5 years ago from Orange County, CA

    What a great way to end the evening. I think people here in So. Cal. probably break more dress codes than anywhere else. Love the fashion faux pa pics. The one with the crack was hilarious. Voting this Up and Interesting.

  • am301986 profile image

    am301986 5 years ago from New Delhi

    Great and informative hub........thanks for sharing.. cheers :)

  • RealHousewife profile image
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    Kelly Umphenour 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    Hi pandula77 - thank you so much! For the read and the great comment:)

  • pandula77 profile image

    pandula77 5 years ago from Norway

    An interesting hub! Funny as well as informative. Voted up

    !

  • RealHousewife profile image
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    Kelly Umphenour 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    Hi CrisSp - thanks so much! I will be glad to go check out your hub! When I am reading later I will hop on over:) Cheers!

  • CrisSp profile image

    CrisSp 5 years ago from Sky Is The Limit Adventure

    Very entertaining hub. Love your visuals specially the "crack code"- lol! Whatever happened to decency eh? I'd like to invite you to visit my recent hub as well "My closet, My life", which was written while spring cleaning. The connection? Like you, I'm chicest on my jeans and shirts! Cheers!

  • RealHousewife profile image
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    Kelly Umphenour 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    Hi Vellur - thank you! I usually try to entertain myself with whatever topic I am making fun of :) haha! I have a blast researching stuff like this. It ends up being tough to decide which video or photos to use. My husband usually helps me choose - so we will both be laughing when I write them. Thanks again!

  • RealHousewife profile image
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    Kelly Umphenour 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    Hey molometer - thanks so much! I had a ton of fun writing this one:) lol I was pretty sure most people have gotten a chuckle and seen something similar!

    I hope nothing is permanently broken!

  • RealHousewife profile image
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    Kelly Umphenour 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    Hi Moonlake - thanks so much - for reading and commenting:) I wear jeans - almost every day. I am usually going to the grocery store - maybe a softball game so I am not sure fashion is real relevant to me personally right now :) The grocery store people might be impressed if I showed up in heels and a Vera Wang dress, eh? That would be funny! haha!

  • Vellur profile image

    Nithya Venkat 5 years ago from Dubai

    Enjoyed reading. I agree that there is a place for everything. Very nicely written and presented. Voted up.

  • molometer profile image

    molometer 5 years ago from United Kingdom

    What a fantastically funny and informative hub.

    I have seen most of these at one time or another.

    Great to have them all in one place lol.

    Breaking the dress code had me breaking up.

    Thanks for a great giggle.

    Voted up all the buttons and shared.

  • moonlake profile image

    moonlake 5 years ago from America

    I'm old and I still wear jeans. I keep thinking should I give them up but I just can't do it. I wear nice shirts, shoes and jackets but never give up my jeans.

    Enjoyed your hub.

  • RealHousewife profile image
    Author

    Kelly Umphenour 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    Hey Martie -

    Yeah - I am always pretty soft core when it comes to fashion. I think less is more. I would rather dress kind of plain and have a good piece of jewelry or a scarf to add some flair. I have some good stuff but most days you would find me in Levi's and a tank:) lol If I am going shopping - I throw a shirt over the tank and put a good necklace on:) haha!

    From what I understand you have to write a hub using the category of Fashion in order to get the new layout. I heard they were only demo'ing it on the fashion category. I love it - so that is exactly why I chose to do a fashion hub:) haha! Being unfashionable? Now I know a thing or three about that! haha!

    Thank you so much!

  • RealHousewife profile image
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    Kelly Umphenour 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    Hi Melovy! Oh of course you should know better by now! LOL I did really try to add a bit of serious advice to the mix. The most important to me is the fleshy one - our culture is so hung up on S.E.X. Young ladies are being sold on the idea that they need to sell themselves with nudity. I say put your clothes on and keep thy nakedness as a mystery:)

    I love the fashion layout! I so wanted to see all those pretty magazine photos on one of my own:) lol

    Thanks so much!!

  • RealHousewife profile image
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    Kelly Umphenour 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    Hey TS -

    I am positive you look fabu in those sandals:) haha Pedicure and all! I am so glad your wife was able to domesticate you a bit before the EX came into play. Seeing as you are a dog - she musta been a real bitch. haha!

    Yeah - coin slot! Hey - wonder if google is gonna deduct points for that one??? LOL

  • RealHousewife profile image
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    Kelly Umphenour 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    Austin - Well I am gonna have to say you rock like no other illustrious rock! haha! Thanks hub hero!

  • MartieCoetser profile image

    Martie Coetser 5 years ago from South Africa

    RealHouseWife, I normally start to like some clothes and paraphernalia by the time they are no longer in fashion. I think it takes a long time to grow on me... or for me to grow in them...

    Whatever...

    Articles about fashion will always be read even by people who don't follow the existing dress code...

    Voted up, informative and well-presented.

    (I still don't know how and where to get this new format of hubs?)

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    Yvonne Spence 5 years ago from UK

    I should know better by now, but at first I was expecting this to be serious - a hub telling us what we had to wear to the office or something. It was hilarious. Though you also managed to get in some serious points - I do agree that people should show a little less flesh at times and that designers or buyers should remember children are children.

    These fashion hubs seem to go on forever - you get to the bottom and more pictures appear!

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    ThoughtSandwiches 5 years ago from Reno, Nevada

    Sex does sell. That's why I sport my t-shirt, cargo shorts, and flip-flops (sans) socks. My ex-wife clued me into the toe-nail clippings with the refrain, "They reflect poorly upon her." ...lol.

    This was an awesome read!

    Thomas

    PS...oh crap...i nearly forgot...lol..."coin slot" ...lol.

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    Lela 5 years ago from Somewhere in the universe

    And you look fabulous in those jeans and boots and cute shirts, I don't care what Dave or the girls say. You rock!

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    Kelly Umphenour 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    I know Lela! I heard that if you wrote a hub in the fashion category - they would use the new layout! So, of course, I had to bust out into the fashion world!! LOL

    The most I do is jeans and a clean t shirt most of the time - I think that's good enough too. My kids help keep me in style...or they tell me I have bad taste and to go change:). I'm used to it by now. I tell them - at least I don't need pull ups yet, eh?

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    Lela 5 years ago from Somewhere in the universe

    Whoa! Check out the 'More Related Hubs' below! It's like Hub Pinterest.

    I'm going to have to add that old people have earned the right to dress as they choose. Public be damned. So just enjoy your fashionistas when you are young :-)

    It's loose pants and t-shirts for me from now on...

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    Kelly Umphenour 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    Hi Injured Lamb - you just reminded me! One of the ladies said I should add "No skinny jeans or jeggings on men"! haha! The tank tops on heavier ladies - so wrong. It doesn't do them any favors anyway because most (and I am NOT saying all for sure) but most people don't find that attractive and they won't win friends or influence people in a good way dressing like that.

    Thank you so much for your comments!

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    Kelly Umphenour 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    Drbj - I couldn't agree with you more - I do think the body hair is very unsightly! I am so glad that our culture is down with that rule:) haha!

    Thank you - I saw that movie "Coco Before Chanel"...it was a terrific movie! I loved the history - and the story. If you haven't seen it, it is a great Sunday movie!!

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    Kelly Umphenour 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    Hey AP - Thanks for saying that! I really do think the gentlemen like a classy lady not a trashy lady:) lol Sometimes - stuff looks better if it is left to the imagination:)

    Yeah, the camel:) hahahahahahahaha - you know - I just couldn't leave well enough alone! I didn't figure I really had to say anything...! LOL

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    Kelly Umphenour 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    Hey Mo! Thank you so much! Again - I was laughing so hard while I was fishing for photos for this...and imagining the eyebrows going up like "uh oh - where's she going with this one?" haha

    I tell ya - some people can get into the clothes but they just should not! Everyone should dress to accent their best features. There are plenty of cute styles out there - Wal-Mart even has some cuter stuff - clean and color coordination would be perfect!

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    Kelly Umphenour 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    Hey Effer! I just went to Wally world a few hours ago - hahaha - and I thought about this hub while I was there! I know what you mean - sometimes I feel as if I should cover my eyes when I see all the skin! I will suddenly think "which store did I walk in to?" Front butts r us? lol lol

    I do hope the ladies see that advice and take it! It should be made a public service announcement! hahahahaha! You crack me up!

    Thank you so much!

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    Kelly Umphenour 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    Hey 20! That's ok - I was being really really bitchy through the whole article:) lol. That's part if the fun! Haha! I often wonder that myself - do people own full length mirrors? Did they use it today? Hahaha! Oh well it makes for interesting entertainment!

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    Kelly Umphenour 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    Hi Stephanie - that funny - I think the socks /sandals bothers me the least of all:) I could probably get used to seeing it - just please someone stop me before I actually do it! Lol thank you so much!

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    Injured lamb 5 years ago

    Great hub RealHousewife, the picture of sandals and socks...hahaha...we had a topic about this too among friends yesterday...one of which was being shared is the legging with short tight tank top, well, on a fatty woman...

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    drbj and sherry 5 years ago from south Florida

    This was an ambitious project, Kelly, and you surpassed yourself with all this history and fashionable information. I would add one more caveat, m'dear. Although women do not always shave their underarms nor legs in some places in Europe, do not emulate them. Unsightly hair in unnecessary places is neither fashionable nor fetching.

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    Alastar Packer 5 years ago from North Carolina

    Just what AP likes with his Dress Codes; a little history and a whole lot a laughin'! The tips are cool too. Oh and ladies, yes, please leave something to our imagination; promise it'll work better with a gentleman's affections. Awesome Kelly. Are you seeing something in the Camel hoof I'm not? LOL.....!

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    Motown2Chitown 5 years ago

    Kelly, this was awesome, and you even said something I've been saying for years - in your own words of course. Just because you CAN wear it doesn't mean you OUGHT to!

    LOVED it!

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    Paula 5 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

    Kelly...You are great at writing on topics that hit a nerve with me or hit home, so to speak.

    And isn't it strange, I just returned from shopping at Wam*Mart, where the Fashion Freaks abound. It has gotten to where I must look straight ahead or what I'm shopping for, in order to keep from being horrified by some of the shppers and their "Wardrobe!!

    Where do I start? I do not want to offend anyone, but I do have to voice the worst fashion faux pas that can literally make your eyeballs hurt!

    Ladies: Please memorize this. Just because a particular style is in vogue, everyone is wearing the latest and greatest, DOES NOT NECESSARILY MEAN YOU SHOULD WEAR IT TOO!! Take into consideration for YOUR sake and that of those who must look at you, that perhaps a tight mini skirt, and cut-off, low-cut top is not exactly the outfit made for YOU, if you happen to be 5'2" and weigh 200 lbs. OK?

    Thank you for your attention to this matter!

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    Amy Becherer 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    Dear RealHousewife, I love this article. You have written an excellent fashion piece with a comedic spin. And, laughter being the best medicine, it did my heart good!

    Before I was laid off, I dressed up everyday (a little on the sexy side for work, but I always got compliments). I felt great about my job and myself and I dressed professional, but fun. I dressed like I felt. That said, now unemployed, I dress like a bag lady. The closest I come to "fashion forward" is when I treat myself to the latest copy of Vogue. I haven't had a haircut or color in a year. Although "I yam what I yam", I don't subject the public to my old, tattered uniform any more than absolutely necessary. I cannot afford new clothes, but I have plans for a trip to my hair stylist when I get my tax return (unless it is waylaid by a medical necessity for me or my doggie).

    Although, I remain interested in the latest skincare (which I continue to practice), and fashion, the days of buying a Dior lipstick or Chanel eyeliner has disappeared in the rearview mirror for now. No pity party, just reality showing its ugly face. Luckily, I have a stockpile from my working days, though, and last time I was in the local Walgreens to pick up a Vogue magazine, the checkout girl told me I looked like I belonged on the cover!!! Not bad for an old baglady...

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    Stephanie Henkel 5 years ago from USA

    Hahaha...while I can agree with most of your examples (please! no butts or underwear in public!), I had to laugh at the sandals and socks because when I lived near Ithaca, NY, it was not uncommon to see that combination at any time of year! You get used to it... :) Fun hub!

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    Joyce Haragsim 5 years ago from Southern Nevada

    I swear very few people actually look into a mirror to see what the whole picture looks like. Then again maybe they go out. Sorry being bitchy.

    Voted up, useful and interesting, your friend Joyce.

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    Kelly Umphenour 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    Hi Tammy - omg! I was laughing so hard while choosing photos:) I had to private message some of them to people on the side in advance - just to see you know if it said the exactly what I intended it to - we were rolling! Listen - I spared you ALL some hideous faux pas! It was hard for me to look at so many fashion disasters! Hahaha! But it sure was fun trying to google for images:) haha! Thanks so much!

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    Kelly Umphenour 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    Good idea on both accounts:) lol. I linked you! Perfect too isn't it?

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    Kelly Umphenour 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    Hi Ruchira! I have 3 daughters! Yikes! So far so good - the first one didn't like to show her belly or any of that:). I know as a mother you know what I mean - it's cute, I really love it when a girl can get away with wearing short skirts and they look classy. Some people just shouldn't ;) it's about body tyoe too. I think models look terrific in some of the skimpier styles - but they are models! Not everyone can pull it off gracefully.

    I wear capris almost all summer long - blue jeans are best:) lol. I just threw awayall the animal print peel off pants after I turned 21:) hahaha! Thank you so much for having fun with me:)

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    Tammy 5 years ago from North Carolina

    LOL!!!! Some of those pictures had me rolling on the floor.. especially the one of the person sitting in the chair. What is wrong with society? It is an anything goes type of world. What is sad, people actually think they look good. Hilarious and sadly true! A much needed hub. :)

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    Lela 5 years ago from Somewhere in the universe

    I need to update that hub due to Leslie's death too. I'll link to this one!

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    Ruchira 5 years ago from United States

    LOVE this hub Kelly. The best line I liked was...leave something for other's to imagine...lol

    I sure do dress down in track pants etc on weekends and love it. Breaks are good once in a while :)

    voted up and sharing!

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    Kelly Umphenour 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    hahaha Cardisa! No joke! lol I do not like the personal body odors! and hey that reminds me - one of the top most stolen items in the US is that mens AXE deodorant! ha! So some people are willing to face jail time over being stinky! hahaha! Omg! Thanks so much for adding another laugh! You always crack me up! lol

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    Kelly Umphenour 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    Sure Vinaya - thank you so much! I hope you know better than to wear socks and sandals if that ever becomes a life situation for ya. Sandals are not cool in the woods anyway - you'd slip! lol

    Thanks so much:)

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    Kelly Umphenour 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    Ohhh Lela - I forgot you did that hub - I am gonna link it!!! Perfect - I couldn't think of anyone who did a fashion one so I did a random search for some links:) lol

    Oh I should warn the poor people - but then it would lose the shock value don't ya think? haha

    Thanks!!

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    Kelly Umphenour 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    Brian - that is hilarious isn't it? And those socks just look so bad! omg! Don't lie now - you like the camel picture best! hahaha!

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    Kelly Umphenour 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    Yup! I know about the PJ fashion statement - my daughter has come over (the oldest she doesn't live here anymore) in PJ's! I was like what? are you depressed? You can't get clothes on? OMG! Then she wanted to go shopping with me and I said oh no ma'am not dressed in your underwear! I will not walk around the mall with you like that! lol

    Yeah - I see it everywhere too and when I see some of my daughter's friends all dressed up for a night out I think - oh honey - your mother would be cringing if she saw you in that lack of dress:) haha! And trust me - I am not a prude - the clothing is barely there these days!

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    Kelly Umphenour 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    Hi SW! Always nice to see your Avatar! Thank you so much - you know my secret to a good hub recipe is to only write about things that really interest me or make me laugh! lol lol I have such fun whipping this stuff up:) haha!

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    Kelly Umphenour 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    Hey Bob - I know I almost feel sorry for the guys:) lol We girls do need our "things" and purses and shoes to go with those things! haha!

    I don't know what the blank is - curiosity is killing me - you have to spill it now!

    Don't be sorry you loved the ladies - what entertaining memories you must have! la!