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Fragrance and how NOT to wear it.

Updated on February 23, 2011

Are you the perp or the victim?

We all know a little dab of love potion can go a long way when dating, working, playing or just wanting to feel sexy. Notice the aforementioned "dab?"

I am writing this not to offend anyone, yet to educate them on proper fragrance usage. If you work in a cube next to woman who smells like she was fumigated with even the nicest scent, it's way too much. You can almost see a haze surrounding the person because they smell like they will explode near an open flame. Many people suffer in silence on a day to day basis. Having to choke back the tears (due to either sadness or pungent fumes), grabbing the aspirin in the first aid locker by the water cooler because you feel dizzy and sickly from the overwhelming odor.

We all know it can be very difficult to bring a subject up like this in the workplace. Are they doing anything wrong? Well, yes.

I walked into a Radioshack the other day and almost collapsed and shit myself. The entire store was marinated with Armani Code. Normally, a beautiful and complex fragrance, this was pure torture. It was as if all three employees were wearing it, washing their hands with it and using it as air fresheners in the wall sockets. I couldn't handle the odious olfactory sensation another second and bailed.

WHY?!

Why do some people think that dousing themselves with a cologne or perfume will make people flock to them? It does the exact opposite. I want to share with you my very own personal techniques to wearing your favorite scent, okay?

Classic

you see?! This is what happens when you shower yourself with cologne!
you see?! This is what happens when you shower yourself with cologne!

My personal fragrance wearing tips

I'm gonna make this really simple. Here are the unwritten rules to cologne/perfume wearing.

1) NEVER more than 3 sprays.....ever. I don't care if you didn't shower this morning. I don't care if you're 7'3 and weigh 500 lbs. 3 sprays is all anyone needs at any given 24 hour period. Trust me.

2) NEVER spray fragrance onto your clothes. Fragrances are bad for the fabric and can cause discoloration. Spraying the fragrance onto your skin will warm it and cause it to exude a slight variation of the scent that is unique to you. Cool huh?

3) NEVER....and I mean NEVER (and guys, I'm talking primarily to you) ever do the "Spritz to the crotch." This is flat-out ridiculous. I have only seen this done in the movies, and if you're doing in real life, stop. If you really think your crotch needs a blast of cologne, you really need to just shower instead. Case closed.


you're welcome!

The purpose of fragrance

Fragrance was originally created by alchemists hundreds of years ago for the general population . The original reason behind it was to mask the natural odors that spring off of the body after weeks of not bathing. This was common back then because bathing more than once a month was only for the elite.

As time has gone by, bathing has become (thank goodness) much more accessible, and the need for body fragrance has become an additional option only. Like with every other nice thing in this world, we have our abusers. These people stink.

As the human evolved, and we became cleaner and cleaner, perfume had a whole new meaning. It turned into a love potion, of sorts. A way to lure a desired partner in and seduce them. Make sense, right? But you don't want to have to smell these people from across the room. You're supposed to catch a glimpse of their odor if you're close enough, and then want more! You're wanting to move in your target so you can marinate your nostrils with their intoxicating aroma. Not run for the hills! Again, you're welcome.

Aww, you stink!! I told you not to spray more than 3 times, damnit!
Aww, you stink!! I told you not to spray more than 3 times, damnit!

MEN: Try these nice alternatives to traditional stronger colognes. (Your friends, coworkers and family will thank you)

A perfume poll

Are you affected on a daily basis by a perfume/cologne offender?

See results

Leave your comments. Share a story! Do you work with a "stinkie?

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