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The Legend of the High Heeled Men

Updated on May 31, 2010
Image from the amazing:
Image from the amazing:

It's said that in the canyons of the South, there are those who have been riding for a hundred years, though given that the average life span of a man is around 80, it seems more likely they're probably been riding for 50 years, or even more like 5 years. You know how legends are inflated. One moment you're sneaking your buddies some wine and fish sticks, the next, you're the son of a god. It's happened to the best of us.

The high heeled men, a rough, tough gang who are a law unto themselves can sometimes be seen riding into town after dark, resplendent in their high heels and flowing dresses.

High heels are a way of life in the South, they're not just a way to look taller and make one's behind stick out when one walks, they're a way of staying on your horse, and in the South, staying on your horse is almost as important as looking tall and dangerous when you swagger into town with your six shooters on your hips and your lipstick perfectly applied to ward off the dreaded specter of chapped lips.

Word has it that the high heeled men who patrol the canyons were the first to don dresses and Manolo Blahniks a good 50 years before Manolo was a twinkle in his mother's eye. Some say that  a dress isn't much use when riding, but nobody had anything negative to say when Lawrence of Arabia rode a camel in a dress. (He was wearing the dress, the camel wasn't.)

The high heeled men are legends in their own right, men who bow to no social morays at all. Whilst other men clatter about in their blue jeans, chafing their thighs, the high heeled men stride across the stony ground in three inch high heels, deftly avoiding turning their ankles with all the practice of a ninja warrior who happens to be wearing women's clothing.

Those who cross paths with the High Heeled Men are never the same. Sometimes a little glitter remains in their hair and a twinkle in their eye, other times they take to wearing eye liner and frequenting high end boutiques. The High Heeled Men are social outlaws, true enough, but they're well respected, and nary a lingerie rastler is allowed to ply his underhand trade when they're about. One fellow caught stealing brassieres off a washing line learned that much when the high heeled men caught up with him and gave him a good wedgie, followed by a Victoria's Secret voucher to buy his own lingerie.

Standing for justice, truth and the American way in high heels that would make kittens cry, the High Heeled Men of the south are true legends in their own time.


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      Gena 7 years ago

      Maybe a man in Kitten Heels would make a kitten smile?

    • retrophoto profile image

      retrophoto 7 years ago

      Very nice story. Kinda reminds me of the cat rustlers commercial some time back. I can just picture the high heeled men swinging down from their horses and tying up in town.

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      Wendygrrl 7 years ago

      Fun story..

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      chevy34_00 7 years ago

      High Heels are the ultimate footwear for men who wear them. I prefer wearing a dress instead of slacks.