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How to Keep Your Public Wedgie Private

Updated on August 3, 2013

Handle Your Public Wedgie with Grace and Poise

It happens to the best of us. You're out in public, looking sharp and feeling fabulous, when you realize that your underwear, and possibly your outerwear, have gone spelunking. You're surrounded by onlookers, with nary a bathroom nor stairwell in sight.

Fret not! Given some practice in a few key techniques and an air of careless confidence, your wedgie need not be a public affair. With a little cautious maneuvering, you can extract your impacted clothing before any eyes stray after it.

All images from iclipart.com

The fine art of surreptitious wedgie extraction requires patience and a clear, confident mind. Should you realize you have a situation brewing down below while you are in public, remain calm. Before taking action, consider your surroundings and your position relative to any observers. These are the factors that will determine your best course of action.

Assess the Situation

Discreetly Check the Status of Your Pants

Perform a quick visibility check. Give the waistband of your pants or skirt a surreptitious tug. Do you feel a corresponding tug 'twixt the nether cheeks?

If not, it's likely that your underwear are the sole culprits in this unseemly episode. Relax, and deal with the problem at your leisure.

If your pants and your underwear are in it together, though, it's time to initiate emergency evacuation procedures. Remember to look relaxed and mildly distracted!

Ease into Position

A Wide Stance and a Little Dance

Casually widen your stance a little bit to create some "wiggle-room" between your thighs. Maintaining your slightly widened stance, rock up on the balls of your feet a few times, as though bored or lost in thought.

Underwear are tenacious invaders, and will probably not be dislodged by this maneuver. If your pants are only peripherally involved, though, you should feel them fall back into place. Once your outer garments have ceased their intrusion campaign, your wedgie is no longer public, and can be dealt with when the opportunity presents itself.

Attempt an End Run

Pockets can Help You Get a Grip on Your Wedgie

Attack your wedgie from the sides. Put both hands in your pockets and feel around for the elastic band of your underwear. Pinch the elastic and tug it toward the front of your body. This will pull your underwear tight across the back.

This maneuver probably won't fix your underwear wedgie, but it might cause the cave-dwelling portion of your undies to push back a little against your pants, popping them free.

Do not attempt this maneuver while under direct scrutiny. It will look like you're doing something much shadier than you really are.

Quick, Act Casual!!!

Cool, Confident, and Definitely Not Picking a Wedgie

If your wedgie has thus far resisted your attempts to dislodge it, it's time to try the seated extraction method. First, though, take a little break to let any attention you've attracted find a more suitable recipient.

If there is a chair or bench available, stroll over to it. Tighten your rump muscles against further invasion, and sit down. Rummage in your handbag or sit and watch the clouds for a moment. If you brought a book, good for you! Aside from their better-known array of virtues, books make excellent props for emergencies such as this.

Behind on Your Reading? - Take a Seat and Crack Open a Good Book

In the war against wedgies, as anywhere, knowledge is power. Unfortunately, most guides to etiquette and social decorum fail to cover certain real world scenarios that creep up on regular folk. Here are a few that really explore every nook and cranny of manners for indelicate situations.

Get a Little Shifty

Time to Create an Exit Path for Your Wedgie

Once you're sure that no curious soul is intently watching you, the seated extraction process can begin. Shifting all your weight onto one cheek, quickly lift the other cheek and then plop it down again. Repeat the process on the other side. This should spread the hemispheres of your tush, opening an exit route for your trespassing garments.

If there are casual observers about, a good stretch provides great cover for this step. Stretch to the right as you lift your left buttock, and to the left as you lift your right. Toss in a convincing yawn, and this should look completely natural.

All's Well That Ends Well

The Moment of Truth

Remembering to use your wide stance, stand up slowly. If all goes as it should, you'll feel your pants slip free when you're about a quarter of the way to a standing position.

Immediately tighten your reclaimed territory against renewed intrusion. Take several large, slightly bowlegged steps to shake everything back into place.

If this is not the first time you've experienced a public wedgie, it may be time to seek out less treacherous undergarments. Underwear that fits properly is less likely to forget its place.

Further Your Weducation - Wedgies on the Web

The wedgie problem has haunted humankind since the advent of clothing. Learn more about the history, causes, varieties, and prevention of wedgies with these great resources.

Have you used any of these techniques to deal discreetly with a public wedgie? Or are you a fan of the more straightforward "grab and yank" wedgie extraction method? Have a great wedgie story that "happened to a friend"? Here's the spot to publicly air your wedgie woes and victories!

Wedgie Tales - Make Your Private Wedgie Public

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    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      Stay cool and calm...lol, don't panic. LOL

      What a sense of humor. LOL

    • hntrssthmpsn profile image
      Author

      hntrssthmpsn 4 years ago

      @lesliesinclair: Thank you! Glad to have been of service ;)

    • lesliesinclair profile image

      lesliesinclair 4 years ago

      You've cleverly shared a tip in the most enjoyable way.

    • profile image

      JoshK47 4 years ago

      I love this lens - great sense of humor here, along with very good advice! Blessed by a SquidAngel!

    • hntrssthmpsn profile image
      Author

      hntrssthmpsn 4 years ago

      @justmelucy: Indeed... I know exactly who you mean!

    • justmelucy profile image

      justmelucy 5 years ago

      Great lens. I love you personality and sense of humor. I fall victim to this peril. Thanks for the hints. Who would have thought to do a lens on this subject. We need a lens about those males who wear their high $ jeans at their knees. You know who I mean. Ha Ha snort ...justmelucy just laughing.

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      I use to have this problem boxers are a great invention

    • hntrssthmpsn profile image
      Author

      hntrssthmpsn 5 years ago

      @Escapes2: Good luck!

    • Escapes2 profile image

      Escapes2 5 years ago

      I will definitely have to give these covert techniques a try!

    • hntrssthmpsn profile image
      Author

      hntrssthmpsn 5 years ago

      @olmpal: Thanks for reading! I wish you a carefree life of underwear that never stray.

    • profile image

      olmpal 5 years ago

      We all have to deal with such embarrassing situations. Thanks for the laugh and the usef tricks! Humorously written good advice!

    • hntrssthmpsn profile image
      Author

      hntrssthmpsn 5 years ago

      @kristalulabelle: Ah, the time-honored wiggle! Great to see the classics put to good use, don't you think?

    • JenwithMisty profile image

      Jen withFlash 5 years ago

      Thanks for the laugh!!! Loved it!!!

    • kristalulabelle profile image

      Kristen 5 years ago from Wisconsin

      Once again, laughing and highly entertained! I'm excited to try out these "extraction techniques!" Usually the wiggle works for me, but its never a bad idea to have an emergency extraction plan!

    • hntrssthmpsn profile image
      Author

      hntrssthmpsn 5 years ago

      @JenwithMisty: Thanks for reading... your laugh gave me my own :)

    • hntrssthmpsn profile image
      Author

      hntrssthmpsn 5 years ago

      @YogaAngel: Ah, yes, yoga class has certainly inspired generations of wedgie extraction experts!

    • YogaAngel profile image

      YogaAngel 5 years ago

      Thank you! This will come in handy at yoga class.

    • Rangoon House profile image

      AJ 5 years ago from Australia

      So funny! I love your creative humour and solutions.

    • KittySmith profile image

      KittySmith 5 years ago

      I am well creased! You are the most entertaining read I can remember in a long, long time.

    • yayas profile image

      yayas 5 years ago

      I laughed from the moment I started reading How to Keep Your Public Wedgie Private. After reading How to Fart Like a princess, I am truly looking forward to what other kind of humor you will come up with. I think you must be a Standup Comic in your day job. Very funny stuff, here.

    • hntrssthmpsn profile image
      Author

      hntrssthmpsn 5 years ago

      @julieannbrady: *snicker* Well, it sounds like the fellow had a rich life full of interesting hobbies ;)

    • profile image

      julieannbrady 5 years ago

      Oh geez, pardon me ... but I am laughing because you have openly discussed a few of my "pet peeves" about the now ex. Always pulling his wedgie in public. na na hey hey!

    • profile image

      myamya 5 years ago

      Great lens! squidlikes!

    • profile image

      CatJGB 5 years ago

      Ah, love this, so funny!

    • Mistl profile image

      Mistl 5 years ago

      Haha, your writing style is awesome. Loved this article. :)

    • DANCING COWGIRL profile image

      Dancing Cowgirl Design 5 years ago from Texas

      Very cute lens and all so true!

    • LiteraryMind profile image

      Ellen Gregory 5 years ago from Connecticut, USA

      Very cute. Interesting topic. (Wonder how you thougt of it? -- Hope nothing serious happened!)

    • profile image

      Terrie_Schultz 5 years ago

      Wonderful lens!

    • lbrummer profile image

      Loraine Brummer 5 years ago from Hartington, Nebraska

      A great way with words---under-standable with eventual results. Loved your lens.

    • OldStones LM profile image

      OldStones LM 5 years ago

      Lol,

      I am more of the straight forward type. I just clamp on to the offenders scruff dragging them back into alignment by force. I think this quick decisive maneuver attracts far less attention than trying to dance the undies back into place. I really enjoyed reading your plan to deal with this situation.

    • lilymom24 profile image

      lilymom24 5 years ago

      Hilarious! This is a great lens. =)

    • Pam Irie profile image

      Pam Irie 5 years ago from Land of Aloha

      I'm laughing so hard, I'm crying. It takes real talent to be so incredibly descriptive. hahaha

    • profile image

      VillaDejaBlue 5 years ago

      Nice lens.

    • WriterJanis2 profile image

      WriterJanis2 5 years ago

      Brilliant! Love this.

    • iWriteaLot profile image

      iWriteaLot 5 years ago

      What a comical approach to an embarrassing problem. Love. This. Lens! Blessed

    • Showpup LM profile image

      Showpup LM 5 years ago

      I thoroughly enjoyed reading every word of this lens. You certainly have a gift with words... and undergarments. LOL Looking forward to reading your other lenses.

    • Frischy profile image

      Frischy 5 years ago from Kentucky, USA

      Good humor AND good advice!

    • profile image

      tabigo 5 years ago

      Only a smiling visitor here to share the love

    • Nancy Hardin profile image

      Nancy Carol Brown Hardin 5 years ago from Las Vegas, NV

      Very funny lens. Glad to see another ex-eHower here! Love your humor!

    • Scarlettohairy profile image

      Peggy Hazelwood 5 years ago from Desert Southwest, U.S.A.

      Fabulous advice!

    • Coreena Jolene profile image

      Coreena Jolene 5 years ago

      LOL "seek out less treacherous hosiery" I love it.

    • Virginia Allain profile image

      Virginia Allain 5 years ago from Central Florida

      I had to laugh out loud while sitting all alone at my desk. You did a marvelous job on this topic.

    • Ann Hinds profile image

      Ann Hinds 5 years ago from So Cal

      And to you my friend, I am delighted to see this work of art recreated in such fine fashion on Squidoo. If anything, it is better than before and so I must bless it.

    • hntrssthmpsn profile image
      Author

      hntrssthmpsn 5 years ago

      @Morgannafay: I'm a fan of your method! Direct, honest, and a gift to the water-cooler community ;)

    • Morgannafay profile image

      Morgannafay 5 years ago

      ROFL! This was hilarious! I love it! This fits my sense of humor perfectly. Of course my method is to just pull it and give those around me something to talk about when I'm not around. :>

    • hntrssthmpsn profile image
      Author

      hntrssthmpsn 5 years ago

      @fitnessdad70: Thanks for reading and commenting! Glad you enjoyed it!

    • fitnessdad70 profile image

      fitnessdad70 5 years ago

      LOL I love it

    • hntrssthmpsn profile image
      Author

      hntrssthmpsn 5 years ago

      @arunadavis: I'm glad you enjoyed it! Thanks for letting me know!

    • profile image

      arunadavis 5 years ago

      Love the title of this lens and the interesting yet important, self-help content!