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You and Your Shirt Dress

Updated on January 13, 2011

It's a shirt! It's a dress! It's a shirt dress! Back in the good old days, when it was still acceptable for a woman to regard a vacuum cleaner as a long lost family member, it wouldn't have been acceptable for there to have been any confusion between shirt and dress states. Indeed, anyone who wore a piece of attire that blurred the line between shirt and dress would have been ostracised as a person of poor moral fiber.

Today it's all the rage to be a person of poor moral fiber, in fact, you can't really get by without it. We've all decided that the worst possible thing a woman could be is unattractive, which has resulted in a mad clothing oriented arms race and indeed, the Shirt Dress.

The shirt dress initially appears to be a simple, laid back item of clothing. An item of clothing that does not judge. The sort of thing you could wear fishing for snapper. But in reality, the shirt dress is simply an excuse to flout the 'leggings aren't pants' rule and go about the place with large swathes of one's body uncovered, preferrably whilst teetering on chunky high heels at the same time.

Shirt dresses are all about legs you see. Look at the legs! Pretty legs! Look how long the legs are! Legs, legs legs. Actually, it would be quite the blessing if the shirt dress really took off in the coming year because as every good economist (and person who watches QI regularly) knows, short hem lengths are an excellent predictor of a robust economy.

If you can get away with it, wearing your shirt dress without leggings or stockings makes you look somewhat impish, as if you've escaped from an Enid Blyton fairytale and you're now rushing about the subway wondering how to operate an iPhone. Everybody knows that men love the 'befuddled elf' look, it appeals to their whimsical sense of romance.

Another additional benefit of the shirt dress is that it uses a great deal less fabric than longer dresses, like maxi dresses, and therefore will not contribute so greatly to the global cotton crisis that is curently taking place because of all the flooding in India and Pakistan and other such places where people devote their lives to growing cotton that you might never have to face the horrid specter of man made fibers.

If all that hasn't convinced you to buy and wear a shirt dress, please report to the Ministry of Fashion and Susceptibility for a mandatory readjustment. Thank you.


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