Chuck Berry Invented the Internet.
Not my cousin Charles Berry, but a Charles Berry.
I learned this at his funeral
A few years ago my Dad called to tell me that Cousin Charles (different than Cussin' Charles, another cousin) had died. I agreed to ride with him to the funeral that was being held in a small town about 60 miles away. Charles was always a lot of fun to be around. He knew a lot about everything and his wife Toshi was always a great cook.
During the eulogy, it came out that Charles Berry invented the Internet. Dad and I had a laugh about it on the way home. We figured Al Gore would be pretty angry when the secret came out. Well, the time has come to reveal the 5 reasons that my cousin must have invented the Internet.
1) He owned a computer. Without computers, you can't access the Internet. Computers are a vital part. His computer even had a modem. I remember him dialing up and hearing it make noise. I assume if I dug in his attic he had some super-sophisticated telecom room that allowed him to monitor the world. Oh wait, he did, it was a ham radio.
2) He worked for Tandy back in the day. He may actually be responsible for those TRS-80s we old people remember...fondly or not so...as Trash 80s. Anyway, he worked for the parent company of Radio Shack back before they became Phone Shack. I hope he was the guy who invented the tape drive. Who doesn't think hooking up a cassette deck to the computer isn't a great idea?
3) His wife was Japanese; they actually met when he was stationed there. Japanese people are responsible for technology. Toshiba, Sony, Nintendo, Toyota, Gozilla--all of these are words that mean "Quality technology from the Pacific Rim." Especially Godzilla. Those films are high quality. They make old Dr. Who episodes look like they were done by some kid in his back yard instead of the BBC.
4) He lived in Nashville, TN. He went to church with famous people. For real. I have no clue who they were since they were Country Music Famous People. Except for Minnie Pearl from Hee Haw. Now the tie in is this: Al Gore was from Tennessee. Obviously Al overheard Charles talking about the Internet one evening and stole the idea. Al probably started a competing Internet that eventually pushed my cousin's Internet to the sideline.
5) Steven Hawking would read to my cousin. Charles was blind. Obviously he wasn't blind his whole life, it was some sort of genetic thing. Anyway, one of the last times I was at his house he was demonstrating that his computer could read to him. What I heard was obviously Steven Hawking reading the Dallas Morning News. I was pretty impressed. Anyone who can get a famous scientist to read the newspaper to him must be important.
Obviously my Cousin Charles invented the Internet. Lets review the facts: his preacher told me he invented the Internet during the funeral. He worked for Tandy. He was married to a Japanese lady. He lived in Nashville. His computer read to him. Finally, he owned a computer with a modem. In conclusion, running "Charles Berry invented the Internet" through an anagram generator revealed, "Thirteen Vintners Reentry Belched: A." Q.E.D.