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5 Simple Cell Phone Etiquette Absolutes!

Updated on May 9, 2011

5 Simple Cell Phone Etiquette Absolutes - Don't Get Me Started!

I like a cell phone as much as the next gadget guy and yes, I don't know what I would do without it sometimes but come on people are we all too young to remember when there was a thing called an answering machine or even before that when you just called back if you didn't get someone? I get it, we're moving forward but moving forward shouldn't mean losing a little thing called respect for others. (I know can you even believe you're reading that out of me, the king of injustices done to him and rude comments to others?) 5 simple cell phone etiquette absolutes - Don't Get Me Started!


  1. If you're in line at a store (Yes, Starbucks counts too) don't be on your phone, especially when it becomes your turn and if the phone should ring during your transaction, send it to voicemail and call the person back. - This makes me more insane then I am all ready because it's rude all the way around. If I'm in line behind you, I don't want to listen to you and as someone who has survived his own stint in the service industry, it's really rude to the person trying to wait on, serve you or even just ring you up, as they say.
  2. If the person you're talking to can't hear you due to bad reception, yelling louder in a public place isn't going to make them hear you any better or make the rest of us like you (at all). - The screaming into the phone, "I DIDN'T HEAR YOU! WHAT DID YOU SAY? NO, TELL THEM I SAID BLAH, BLAH, BLAH. WHAT? WHAT WAS THAT?" Oh for God sake, they still make phones that plug into the wall and no matter how much you yell the only point that you're getting across is that you're an asshole.
  3. Checking the cell phone. - If I'm having dinner with you or even just having a conversation with you, honestly, you don't need to keep checking your cell phone for messages, missed calls or to see that you're a moron with the attention span of a lightning bug. If the phone hasn't rung or vibrated in the last six seconds, nothing has come through that needs your immediate attention and guess what, you just lost me (for the conversation and perhaps as a friend altogether).
  4. Texting is for losers. - I don't know who came up with the whole idea of texting, no doubt a progression from Morse code or something but oh dear Lord does it get on my nerves. I hate texting. I don't want you to text me and believe me when I say I will never text you. All you have to do is read comments left on any website and you'll see that we're a country that doesn't have any clue how to spell (even with spell check on our computers) so I know, let's abbreviate everything like the army and we can all spend an extra hour everyday trying to figure out that WTFAYDTM means "What the fuck are you doing texting me?" And all that having to push the same button as you sing the alphabet silently to get the letter you want to appear on the screen before going to the next letter and starting the alphabet song all over again in your head makes me crazier than I all ready am. And don't talk to me about the "preemptive text" which as you're trying to spell "target" tells you that what you really want to be spelling is "tarantula" or something equally stupid. I hate the preemptive text and texting in general so don't text me and if you do, don't expect me to text back. It's called a phone so you use it to communicate by talking to people, get it? Wanna send me a written message? Send me a letter or card through the real mail or get a Blackberry and email me and DGMS (Don't Get Me Started!)
  5. Don't use the phone in a public restroom. - I get it that you are a very busy and important person but there is no need to be peeing with one hand and texting or calling with the other. (Isn't that a little like throwing a plugged in toaster into a bathtub with you?) And the worst was once I was in an airport bathroom (didn't see Senator Craig) and the guy in the stall next to me was yelling into his phone at someone about something that he obviously felt couldn't wait and closed with the following sentence which sums up the whole cell phone in the bathroom thing for me, "I'm going to go now because I'm getting down to the paperwork." Get it? paper as in toilet paper work? Ugh!

In this day and age of so much communication technology available to all of us can anyone explain to me why we seem to be communicating less with one another? Are we sending everyone in our life to voicemail instead of having the conversations we should be having with our kids and one another to make us better citizens of the world? I think we all know the answers to those questions but what I really care about is that you, yes you, the bitch in front of me who is being rude to my favorite Starbucks barista as well as me as you gab about a bunch of nothing on your cell phone. Shut the fuck up, get off the cell phone and learn the 5 simple cell phone etiquette absolutes - Don't Get Me Started!



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    • tom hellert profile image

      tom hellert 5 years ago from home

      i have this problem beat... I no longer have a cell phone-my phone "box" I uses is actually connected to the wall by a cord and the handset is connected to the phone box. its connected to the wall yrt quite liberating....


    • profile image

      StillNoCellPhone 7 years ago

      I stumbled on this web page when doing a search for cell phone etiquette, hoping for something I could print and post in the bathroom at work. We have one guy who seems to spend about an hour a day sitting in one of the stalls "taking care of business" while simultaneously talking with his girlfriend on his phone. These conversations sometimes break down into obscenity-laced arguments. I can't imagine anything less professional to do at work. I'm hoping he reads this page some day, although as clueless as he is I guess the odds are slim.

    • WeddingConsultant profile image

      WeddingConsultant 9 years ago from DC Metro Area

      Nice hub on cell phone etiquette Scott! I just wrote a hub on the same topic today, since I hadn't seen a fresh hub on the topic in a while. Let me know what you think!

    • profile image

      directoryphone 9 years ago

      Very true! And the whole Larry Craig thing, xD

    • somelikeitscott profile image

      somelikeitscott 10 years ago from Las Vegas

      I bow to your expertise and sit corrected! LOL...LMAO...and whatever else I would text if I did...well, you get the idea!

    • livelonger profile image

      Jason Menayan 10 years ago from San Francisco

      Hilarious! I have to disagree with you on #4. I LOVE texting, have been doing so since 1999. But that's never an excuse for really poor spelling, especially when it spills over into email or blogging language. "Plz" and "ur" only belong in a format that limits you to 160 characters!