11 Things You Do On Facebook That Make People Hate You a Little
Facebook has provided a platform for many old friends to reconnect and new friends to learn about each other. And the more we learn, the more our friend list turns into a people we ‘kinda hate’ list….
Come on…You all have felt this way at one time. We are adults now, and the very reason Millenials shunned Facebook. We expect others to act like us, have a little respect for themselves like we do, and take a mafuckin hint. Since some cannot take a hint, I give you this….a list of hateworthy habits to ‘share’…and by share, I mean, tag those bitches in it,and send a message, signed, sealed, and delivered to them. But don’t hold your breath, or demand full conversion overnight… Because let’s admit it…without people like them…..there would be less entertainment, and we’d have to go find fun wherever the Millenials are hanging. And I have a feeling we’d have to up our twerk tolerance a whole lot.
Here Are 11 Things You Do on Facebook That Make People Hate You A Little
1. Bye Bye World!
Oh, you’re leaving Facebook? Is a farewell note a prerequisite to deactivating? No? Then I call your bluff. I’ve read it too many times. If you’re really leaving, just go already. There is no clocking out required….No one cares why, or for how long. Just click deactivate and be proud of yourself for having more important interests than Facebook and your list of faces.
2. Look At Me Getting Healthy!
You started a new weight loss challenge? Sweet! I challenge you to stfu and just post your before and after pictures when you’re finished. No one cares about your shakes, miles walked, detox pills consumed….no one. NO….ONE. Until they see that pic.
3. We Feel Cheated
Your girlfriend cheated on you? Oh no, not again…that makes it, what, 8 times this month? Stop airing your dirty laundry! I hate you and I don’t even really know you. I think if she had a badge for every time she cheated, she could sell cookies in front of Kroger... and you’re as sharp as a bowling ball. And if that is NOT true? Blame yourself.
4. Join Me...For Only $250.00
You joined a pyramid company and want to share your riches? With me? For only $250 bucks, plus a fraction of a percent of whatever my recruited minions sell? Thanks PAL…..Sure, I love to waste money and use friends! Where do I sign? Seriously….if you fell for something that you have to pay to join and then recruit others to join and sell under you. You’re had. Break the cycle, or the pyramid, and don’t pass it on. Ech.
5. Life Hacks
You share cool life hacks that couldn’t really work. I don’t hate you for this one really. I love these…but they’re just not practical. It’s not that I don’t think it’s neat that I can melt my kids crayons in a pot and mix it with coconut oil to make lipstick, it’s super fn cool! But…I can find the same shiznit at Walgreens for 1.99 and it comes with a nifty lil cap so I don’t f up the interior of my purse. I know I can’t make that on my own. I just regret all the time I spend watching it, imagining it, and then being jerked back to reality of being practical. The prerequisite to hacking life, should be having one.
6. Selfies, Selfies Everywhere
You post daily or hourly selfies. With weird sentences to justify why you’re posting them. Like “Sitting in traffic, borrreeed” or “Doing laundry.” with a shot of you, with your face done, next to a washer. What. The. F. Listen, it’s bad enough you snap that many selfies a day, but if you are going to be shameless and post every one of them, be shameless in your owning it. “Yep, another selfie” will do. Save the weird attempt at making your 11th selfie of the day not weird for something you can actually make ‘not weird’. Because you are just fn weird.
7. I Miss My Kid
Oooh, I bet you do. It's been at least a year that you have been posting that status. Gosh, if only there were ways to file for rights to visit your child/ren. Like 'visitation rights'... crazy thought huh.
8. Game Invites
Oh, you want me to play a Facebook game with you? Look, I know I can go to the right corner of the invite and turn off notifications from that game, just as easily as you can NOT allow the game to invite me. I have more games blocked than stalkers. That's sad. Keep your games to yourself, and please, if you get so dedicated to a game that you're talking shit via your status to your Facebook friends who play that game like"oh, won't one up my character, I see how it is" or "I triple power activated for the last time".... We don't hate you just a little. We also pity you. It's really confusing. Just stop. Play monopoly with your family, or chicken with a stranger. Just stop with the FB games.
9. Dear Diary
Stop there. Facebook is NOT a diary. Your friends, and oftentimes the 'Public" can see what you write. Why are you writing your deepest thoughts, secrets, and sh*t talking at this age? Seriously, please keep some things sacred. Go talk to a person, not a screen. But....If you must....please use proper grammar. Refreshers on commas, capitalization, and basic syntax is appreciated.
10. Vague Statuses
"I can't believe that just happened". Um....I can't believe you didn't get the memo. Everyone, EVERYONE, including Jesus, HATES attention seeking vague statuses. Oh, and it's even worse when someone says "what happened" and you respond "Don't want to talk about it". Seriously? I don't want you on my friend list. I hate you. I hope whatever happened it affected your ability to connect to the internet or type.
11. Share Scams
Oh...So, if I share that photo of the lottery ticket, that person will split his winnings with me too? And Mark Zuckerberg is going to share 45 Billion with his users who like and share his photo? Wow, who needs a job when all I have to do is click Like and Share? Cheese and Fucking Rice....Look, the only thing you're sharing is your double-digit IQ. Stop. The. Spread. Of. Dumb.
Now, please don't take #1 literally and delete yourself (because we know you'll be back), just be less annoying. If not, just know we kinda hate you ----and now you know why. Please....go update your status about it.