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America Needs Renewable Coal

Updated on March 28, 2014

A war on coal is raging in America, and we must act now before this noble energy source goes the way of the dodo or the moderate Republican. I sure as hell am glad those RINOs are going extinct. What we need now more than ever is a pure Republican party, and pure, renewable coal.

Republican lawmakers and mining companies are trying to share more of this noble energy source with us by mining federal lands in Eastern Montana and Wyoming, and elsewhere. Good for them. Coal is making a comeback all over.

Coal companies should also strip mine Bryce Canyon in Utah. We don’t need scenic views, we need coal plumes.

Bryce Canyon in Utah Going to Waste
Bryce Canyon in Utah Going to Waste
Bryce Canyon with a beautiful renewable coal mine
Bryce Canyon with a beautiful renewable coal mine

Besides, I have shares of coal futures, and you environMENTALists, communist groups like the Sierra Club, have no right to interfere with capitalism. That’s treason akin to Snowden revealing we’re spying on y’all. And you know the penalty for treason, right comrade? How dare Obama try to get in the way of progress.

It’s about jobs, jobs, jobs, and Obama wants to keep coal jobs away from workers. Remember, there’s no other way energy can be produced and no other jobs in energy but coal. It’s aint called King Coal for no reason. And now it can be called King “renewable” Coal.

As the University of Massachusetts’ Political Economy and Research Institute have shown, it’s hard to make a worse job investment than coal. That’s why we at Tex Shelters, LLC support renewable coal.


So you see, jobs WILL be lost if we stop using so much regular coal. That's why we need renewable coal.

According to the U.S. Energy Information Administration, an agency we cite when they agree with our wisdom, “nearly 65 percent of Wisconsin’s electricity is generated from coal-fired plants.” That is why this attack on coal is uncalled for. Without coal, people would die in Wisconsin where there is no wind, no sun, and no alternative but to burn coal to survive. Don’t let Obama kill the people of Wisconsin with his war on coal. I know he’s a Chicago Bears fan, but that’s not a reason to kill cheese-heads in the dairy state. And with renewable coal, there will be no problem.

Why Obama hates people in Wisconsin.
Why Obama hates people in Wisconsin.

Who wants to live on a planet with breathable air if there are no jobs? I would rather sacrifice the lives of others on this planet than have the poor people of coal producing and using states, everywhere really, have to suffer without burning coal. And Obama’s going through with this unwinnable war against coal, “Going forward, we will promote fuel-switching from coal to gas for electricity production.””

Yes, you read that correctly, Obama wants to switch away from coal. That means war!! And he’s going to “impose regulations” on industry when we know that coal never killed anyone and doesn’t need to be regulated! “Indeed, Obama made clear in his speech that he intends to impose regulations on existing coal plants that can only be met through carbon capture and storage (technology that doesn’t exist on a commercial scale), switching to natural gas, or shutting down completely.” We must not let our valiant carbon deposits die and wither away, at the hands of a Muslim Maoist, without being exploited. And now, we can extract renewable coal.

According the Heritage Foundation (patriotism is in their name), some “500,000 jobs lost and $1.65 trillion shaved off the national income by 2030 if all coal plants have to close.” It’s funny how they got to that 500,000 lost jobs, since currently, less than 150,000 people work in coal mines. That’s a lot of externalities unaccounted for in the report.

But please don’t read the actual report, because it also talks about net job gain as well from reduced coal use. And there is the slight detail that job losses reported assumes a reduction of coal use over time with no replacement jobs in other industries. Thankfully, the study also ignores the possible loss of jobs because of a contaminated environment. And who reads studies anyway? Certainly not Congress.

Fighting global warming is an expense we can’t afford, even if fighting global warming could create jobs and increase GDP. Listen and obey when I say that it is more costly to address global warming than just letting it happen. Besides, most of the people that will die due to a warming planet are in parts of the world that don’t matter, like Africa. And, when we start extracting and developing renewable coal, all will be well.

Obama wants to diminish the role of coal in our economy, thus, he will lead the U.S. to collapse, and we will no longer be the greatest world power on the planet. He wants us to have a low carbon future when we all know it’s carbon that made the U.S. great. “The presidentannounced a broad climate change package that lays out his vision for a low-carbon U.S. future — and made it clear that coal will have a diminished place in it. Obama’s plan goes after coal on multiple fronts. It orders EPA to write long-expected regulations setting greenhouse gas limits that would undoubtedly fall heavily on coal-fired power plants.” He's attacking coal on multiple fronts in his all-out war on coal! Obama hates coal because he hates real Americans from coal producing states. That means you or someone you know or somewhere you’ve visited or a state you heard of.

President Obama's climate change speech went pretty far out of its way to explicitly say that what he's trying to do is get the United States to burn less coal…the case for a war on coal is pretty darn strong.”

Yep. Talking about a reduction of coal use is war all right, just like talking about reducing your steak intake is a war on cattle.

Democrat Joe Manchin of West Virginia whined about Obama's ideas to combat climate change, saying regulations would burden the coal industry. ““The regulations the President wants to force on coal are not feasible. And if it’s not feasible, it’s not reasonable.”” And if it’s not reasonable, Obama’s a communist Nazi. Besides, Obama has yet to take a position on renewable coal.

Coal is fighting the battle of its life against encroaching natural gas and rising sea levels. And if coal loses this battle, we might as well take Chinese names and study Maoism, for we will be sold to the Chinese for scraps.

In 2014, we coal promoting investors had better commit more than the $153 million we spent on pro-coal, anti-obama ads in 2012. After that expenditure, and the continuation of Obama’s war on coal, we know it will take more cash to convince people to give up breathing in exchange for our beloved national coal. Coal is an American product, and we should be supporting it like we support our workers.

Tex Shelters


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