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An Open Letter To Facebook Regarding My “Relationship Status”

Updated on October 12, 2009

On October 1, 2009 Nevada began to allow Domestic Partnership registration to begin in the state. This is for not only same sex couples but for any two consenting adults who are not related, are living in an “intimate” (wink, wink, nudge, nudge) relationship and have agreed to share their lives with one another (as well as a few other requirements). Not only the gays lined up to be registered (though I must admit that the whole “registering” thing feels more like Nazi Germany “registering” Jews but maybe that’s just me being a Jew and all) opposite sex couples and elderly couples can also benefit by this law giving them the right to hospital visits, making health decisions for their “partner” all the while not having to give up any of their social security from their dead spouse because technically they aren’t re-married. While I had my misgivings about the whole thing (more to read on that at a later date) I convinced my spouse of twenty-one years that we needed to do this thing. Sure, it has no meaning outside our state with the Federal Defense of Marriage Act still on the books giving us no rights to get tax breaks be recognized by anyone other than the few states that accept Domestic Partnerships and Same Sex Marriage but should something God forbid happen to one of us (in the state of Nevada), as long as I keep my Xeroxed copy of our certificate (and no doubt a copy of the law too) I can get into his hospital room without a court order (well according to law I can anyway, let’s hope I never have to find out if this will really work or not as let’s face it, in hospitals or anything else you’ve just got to hope that you get a gay or someone gay friendly in order to ensure not only your rights but that you won’t be treated like dirt. And for those of you who say it’s 2009 and such things don’t happen, I say to you, “Bullshit” come on and put on my Pradas for a day and see how you get treated.) So with all the romance of going to a notary and sending in the form with a check and receiving our certificate in the mail we are officially Domestic Partners and so it came to pass that I started to think about the little things like my Facebook status only to find out that although there are many options for your “Relationship Status” on Facebook, Domestic Partnered is not one of them so I’d like to take this time to recommend they add some additional relationship distinctions and get rid of a few – An open letter to Facebook regarding my “Relationship Status” – Don’t Get Me Started!

Currently the options on Facebook are the following and here are my thoughts about them:

·         Single (we get it, leave it)

·         In A Relationship ( get rid of it - this is way too vague, you can be in a relationship with your doctor or pet but “in a relationship” when you’re actually dating someone just means that one or both of you can’t commit and so you’re dressing it up by calling it a “relationship” – I say change this one to single because until you legally commit to one another you’re really still single

·         Engaged (again, we get it, leave it and good for you said the bitter homosexual who has no way to get married in the state he lives or in most states let alone have his government recognize his union with the same rights of married people thanks to the Religious Right who run the country…are you old white people with your out of touch ideas dead yet?)

·         Married (leave it but if you’ve read the rest of this you all ready know how I feel about this one)

·         It’s Complicated (get rid of it - this is for high school kids who think everything in life is one big reality show that they’re starring in. The only thing “complicated” about a relationship is if you’re in a sexual relationship with an animal or something.)

·         In An Open Relationship (Please get rid of this and change it to read, “Slut” whether you’re a man or woman who wants to be with a man, woman or blender chances are that you may be devoted to one person but if you’re having sex with everyone who comes into contact with you, you’re really just a slut. This would also take the place of the “It’s Complicated” category as I’m sure many sluts use that distinction too. This would also make it easier for quick hook ups, etc. If you see someone’s status is a slut and you’re a slut, then you’re half way there to filling one another’s sluts, I mean, slots.)

·         Widow/Widowed (get rid of this – way to bring everyone down Facebook)

And now my suggested adds

·         Domestically Partnered ( Hey, I hate the sound of it too but the more we let people know how stupid it is, the better chance we have to at some point getting some real equality and just switching the legal system to create Civil Unions and let the churches, synagogues and temples, etc. to grant Marriage to people, plus give us a gay a break, it’s all we have at the moment and we paid our $70 to the state so come on Facebook!)

·         Civil Union (see above – remember that this is all we have in some states)

·         Was With Someone One Once (this is more hopeful than the whole “Single” status and let’s everyone know that at least at some point in your life someone besides your right hand wanted you which should make you more attractive to the masses)

Look, some may say that things like the status on Facebook is a minor thing but thanks to the inequalities some of us face every day you discover that even the little things make you feel “less than” thanks to our wonderful hypocrisy that is our country. And some of us just feel we have to take a stand. “All men are created equal under the law.” (Unless of course they’re sleeping with other men) “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” If you’re serving in the military and don’t tell us you’re gay, don’t march in a Pride parade or pin a rainbow to your uniform, we’re willing to look the other way but if we find out you’ve done any of those, you’ll be drummed out of your job with a dishonorable discharge (worse than you got after giving that guy at the gym a blow job and had to be on antibiotics for a month) taking away all the benefits received by straights and supposed straight people who have served their country. Defense of Marriage Act. A federal law that states marriage can only be between one man and one woman. How does that defend marriage, the astronomical divorce rate in this country or Britney Spears from marrying again? (Way to go straightees) So my plea is not to the government (at this point, after all, as long as President Obama shows up to gay fundraisers to give speeches promising more of what he has yet to and may or may not deliver to us gays in terms of being treated equally in the eyes of the law of this society we’re all happy that he attended and that is supposed to be enough…Mr. Obama I’m here to tell you it’s not enough.) I think it’s time to focus on what we can change, the businesses like Facebook that have become our social network (for the anti-social who want to seem social by reconnecting with classmates they haven’t seen in years from their homes while eating bags of Cheetohs and trying not to get the orange dust all over their computer keys, building imaginary farms, live an imaginary mafia life and letting everyone know everything they’re doing from watching their kids play soccer to taking a dump!) How about doing something real for us Facebook? How about showing the world that our relationships are more than just “Complicated” but that they are put into boxes by laws that are ridiculous but all we can get at the moment so we’ll take what we can get it and just bitch about it on our blogs? An open letter to Facebook regarding my “Relationship Status” – Don’t Get Me Started!

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    • cmahan profile image

      Chrystal Mahan 6 years ago from Michigan

      Great points. In 2005 when I landed on the now lifeless, MySpace, I often wondered why do I even have to answer this? Who really cares. Most people there are not who they say they are anyway. My status is not going to declare who I am as a person. I like to see all networking sites do away with relationship stats.

    • profile image

      Justsilvie 6 years ago

      Great Hub!

    • rajivnandy profile image

      rajivnandy 7 years ago from India !!

      nice hub there .... will look forward to more

    • profile image

      Scott 7 years ago

      I am angry that FB has no option for gay people. What gives FB?

    • George J Hardy profile image

      George J Hardy 7 years ago from Southern New Jersey

      Well spoken! I prefer the connotation, "connected". Facebook should realized that the definition on socializing will bring about a connection to all types of people with a variety of relationships. It should stress civility rather than divisions of character based on predefined notions. I might just go and change mine to "bourgeois", oh wait, there is no box for that; pity !

    • edihalo profile image

      edihalo 7 years ago

      Great writing Scott. I agree on all parts.