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Cute, Funny 'About Me' Quotes And Status Updates About Yourself

Updated on September 20, 2018
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Hubpages writer StricktlyDating is an Australian writer creating pages of original funny quotes, funny status updates, and funny memes.

Cute, Funny 'About Me' Quotes And Status Updates

Hundreds of funny ’about me‘ quotes, Facebook statuses, Tweets and memes. Interesting, unique and funny quotes to describe yourself in the 'About Me‘ section of your online profile page, and for funny status updates about yourself.

Show your online friends just how hilariously funny you are with these status updates about yourself.

Funny Status Updates About Me

  • I make shoe contact before eye contact.
  • I can go from $500 to $0 real quick.
  • I'm the kind of best friend you have when you don't want a best friend.
  • I was so excited about the good job my gardener did, I almost wet my plants!
  • I am very athletic: I surf the net for hours.
  • I suffer from too much motivation.
  • I use my phone so much, I'm sure it's going to start growing on my hand.
  • I've never seen anyone jogging and smiling, so that's all I need to know about that.
  • I don't pretend to be someone I'm not, but if you'd like to see me as someone who is gorgeous, rich, and famous, that's fine with me.
  • I'm not unlucky in love, I'm just extremely good at being single!
  • I'm over being mature, how do I get back to my childhood?
  • I believe there's a time and place for decaf. Never, and in the trash.
  • Today I feel as useless as the "G" in lasagne.
  • I'm slow to trust but quick to love. I wish too hard and give too much. I'm not saying I'm perfect, but I promise I'm worth it!
  • I'm not shy; I'm just holding back my awesomeness so I don't intimidate you.
  • Strangers think I'm quiet. Friends think I'm outgoing. My best friend thinks I'm insane.
  • Love me when I least deserve it because that's when I really need it.
  • If your phone doesn't ring, it's me.
  • I have travel plans, but my bank balance can't keep up with them.

  • I am who I am: Your approval isn't needed!
  • Admit it. Life would be so boring without me!
  • I forgot to go to the gym yesterday. That's ten years in a row!
  • This is me! What you see is what you get.
  • I am the yummy pie!
  • I'm not lazy, I just run on energy-saving mode!
  • I'm not afraid of failing, which is why I do it all the time!
  • If I had to describe my personality, I'd say good looking.
  • Normal people worry me!
  • I'm not lazy. Someone just stole my motivation.
  • I'm only single because I'm too awesome for everyone right now.
  • I'm naturally funny because my life is like a joke.
  • I'm not overweight. God just loved my body so much he made more of me!
  • If I say "the other day," I mean any time up to a year ago.
  • You talk it: I LIVE it.
  • I do what I must. My friends just adjust.
  • I am here for your entertainment!
  • I am still waiting for blessings that aren't in disguise.
  • I'd be much healthier if I didn't have taste buds!
  • I believe my vibe attracts my tribe!
  • I cover my mouth when I cough, so people don't catch my awesomeness.
  • Yeah, I'm F.I.N.E.: (F)alling apart, (I)nsecure, (N)eeding help, and (E)verything's wrong.
  • I am the one your mother warned you about.
  • I love chocolate so much I get emotional when I see it.
  • I'm painting big a blue square in my backyard so Google Earth thinks I have a pool.

Hilarious Status Updates About Me

  • I am living large and taking charge!
  • Sometimes it takes me all day to get nothing done.
  • I have a fear of speed bumps but I'm slowly getting over it.
  • Sometimes I prefer to use my face for emoticons.
  • I like my bed more than I like most people.
  • I'm not concerned about my age, I don't feel a day over fabulous!
  • I wish I was a little kid so I could take a long nap, and when I wake up people would just be proud of me.
  • Not everyone likes me. But not everyone matter to me..
  • I hope the next big trend in music is talent!
  • I just like to be my selfie!
  • Sometimes I use an ugly photo for my Facebook profil picture. That way more people tell me I look amazing when they see me in real life.
  • I broke a mirror seven years ago and I'm still having bad luck.
  • I have to be successful because I have very expensive taste.
  • I can count the amount of boyfriends I've had on one hand, if I use a calculator.
  • If I managed my bank account as well as I manage my phone battery, I'd be rich.
  • If you don't like me, but you follow everything I do, darling you're a fan!
  • I get ignored so often that my nickname should be "Terms and Conditions".
  • Sometimes I open my mouth and my mother comes out.
  • Love me, hate me - either way, you're spending your time thinking of me!
  • Cuddling is my favourite exercise.
  • I know Victoria's secret.
  • Caution: You might get addicted to me.
  • There's always that one person who is going to annoy me every time they open their mouth.
  • You couldn't handle me, even if I came with instructions.
  • Deep conversations with someone who understands me, are everything.
  • Dear YouTube, I will always skip ads.
  • If you're cooler than me, does that make me hotter than you?
  • If time is money, I am running out of time.
  • I'm half princess, half ninja, deal with it!
  • I'm not superstitious but I am super!
  • If I'm sad, sometimes I'll sing to myself to try to cheer myself up, but my singing is so bad, usually I end up feeling worse.
  • I hate it when I put on 15kg for a role, and then I realise I'm not even an actor.
  • I'm into crossfit. I cross my fingers and hope I fit into my jeans.
  • I'm almost perfect (When I heavily edit my selfies).
  • Warning: I have an attitude and I know how to use it!
  • Warning: You may not recognise me at all, until I apply my makeup.
  • I wish I could donate my body fat to those in need.
  • I'm not the sort of person you should put on speakerphone.
  • I'm so hot, I make fire!
  • Copyright © StricktlyDating: All rights reserved.
  • I'm not ashamed to say, I've never loved another person as much as I love myself.
  • I may have a bad mouth, but I can do great things with it.
  • Judge me (when you are perfect).
  • Be real with me, or just leave me alone.
  • Normal rules don't apply to me because I am blonde.
  • I thought growing older would take longer.
  • I find acting like a grown up totally exhausting.
  • It took me a long time not to judge myself through someone else's eyes.
  • Let me be me... Because once I change, you will miss the 'me' in me.
  • My daily routine: Get up, be brilliant, go back to bed, repeat.
  • Go ahead, judge me. But just remember to be perfect for the rest of your life.
  • Sometimes I feel quite intelligent. Other times I have to sing the ABCs in my head to remember which letter comes next.
  • I love it when song lyrics totally apply to my current situation.
  • If you tickle me, I am not responsible for your injuries.
  • To be honest, I get a little nervous right before I say Worcestershire sauce.
  • When I get lonely, I set my phone's alarm to go off every few hours so I can imagine what it would be like to have people texting me.

Cool Status Updates About Me

  • Perhaps I could be of assistance? After all, I happen to be awesome.
  • I have a disease called AWESOME. Kiss me, I'm contagious!
  • I'd rather eat chocolate than aim to have a thigh gap!
  • I carry a knife... But it's just incase of cake!
  • I have an eating disorder. I'm about to eat dis order of pizza, dis order of fries, and dis order of nuggets.
  • I'm an original, I don't need a label.
  • They all call me crazy until they find out I'm right.
  • I wish Facebook would notify me when someone deletes me. That way I could 'Like' it.
  • I feel sad when I go to unfriend someone and they've already beat me to it.
  • Take me as I am, or watch me as I go.
  • Hating me won't make you pretty.
  • Don't study me, you won't graduate.
  • Keep calm, and ignore me.
  • Half of me is a hopeless romantic, the other half is fairly thoughtless.
  • They say dreams tell you something about yourself, but I dream of shapes. So I have no clue what a triangle and a hexagon means about me.
  • I hope you remember me, like I remember you.
  • I live in a world of fantasy, so keep your reality away from me!
  • Keep spreading those rumours, you're making me famous!
  • I don't try to be better than anyone else but myself.
  • I'm always trying hard to improve my selfies.
  • If I don't love me, who will?
  • I can and I will... Watch me!

Funny And Cheeky Status Updates About Me

  • I automatically think you're signing off with lots of love when you type LOL.
  • I believe that failure should be an option.
  • I'm feeling awesome today. Deal with it!
  • I can resist everything except temptation!
  • I'm not a cougar; I'm a jaguar!
  • I'm not immature, I just know how to have fun!
  • I wish weekends lasted all week.
  • It's my timeline, so I'll update my status as often as I like.
  • It's my face, so I'll edit my selfies as much as I like.
  • I respect those who respect me and forget those who forget me. Simple as that.
  • I am old enough to know better, but young enough to do it anyway!
  • Everyone I know is either getting married or pregnant. I'm just getting more AWESOME!
  • I don't look back... unless there's a good view!
  • I drink coffee for your protection.
  • I'm tired with this day, I need a new one.
  • I hate the smell of Monday mornings.
  • Sometimes I spend all day cooking and then order takeaway.
  • Haircuts are the reason I have trust issues.
  • Sometimes I get excited about cancelled plans.
  • I have a favourite eyebrow.

  • I live for the moments you can't put into words.
  • It's all about me... Deal with it!
  • Normal rules don't apply to me (because I have big breasts).
  • I don't care what you think about me. I NEVER THINK ABOUT YOU.
  • You & I, we could make the world jealous.
  • Life is too short. So why don't you love me before we run out of time!
  • I taste so delicious you'll want the recipe!
  • Dip me in chocolate and call me dessert!
  • Everything I'm not makes me everything I am.
  • I am more, without you.
  • What can I say? I'm just different.
  • I tried being normal once. Worst five minutes of my life.
  • I always keep my standards and my heels high.
  • I haven't met Mr. Right yet, but I have met Mr. Fake, Mr. Player, & Mr. Loser. My middle finger loves them all!
  • Heard you're a player. Nice to meet you. I'm the coach.
  • I'm in love with my dreams, married to success, and having an affair with life.
  • Even though I'm a clean person, sometimes I enjoy a messy lifestyle!
  • I'll start letting my guard down when people stop giving me reasons to keep it up.
  • I'm shy. Most people don't take the time to explore the real me. So I'd like to thank everyone who has. Everyone who didn't missed out.
  • Why yes, I do frequently burst out in song!
  • Story of my life: Searching for perfection, but it's always avoiding me.
  • I talk to my pet as if it actually understands what I'm saying.
  • I've learned so much from my mistakes, I think I'll make some more!
  • Stressing and obsessing just ain't my style. All I want is someone to make me smile!
  • Don't hate me until I give you a reason to. Don't judge me until you know the whole story.
  • Glance at me, laugh at me, talk to me... be with me!
  • You - Can't - Be - Me.
  • Love, love, love ME!
  • Thank you for curing me of my ridiculous obsession with love.
  • Love me or hate me, I promise it won't break me!
  • Nothing about me is original. I am the combined effort of everyone I've known.
  • I am the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.
  • I love what I did before the Internet!
  • Me, perfect? NO!!!
  • Giving up is always an option, but it's never my choice.

Funny Status Updates About Me And My Life

  • I'm not weird, I'm just cooler than you.
  • Some people are afraid of heights. Not me! I'm afraid of widths.
  • I don’t lie about anythin, except my age.
  • Someone is thinking about you... okay, it's me!
  • Sometimes I talk to myself, but only when I need expert advice.
  • Screw the bad boy with the tattoos and attitude. I'll take Prince Charming, thank you very much!
  • I'm happy. I love my life. I have everything and everyone I need.
  • I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner!
  • I'm wondering who ate my bowl of sunshine this morning?
  • If you feel like you're not on the same page as me, maybe it's time to change the story.
  • Think I'm tripping? Tie my shoes!
  • Can't stand me? Sit back down!
  • Got a problem with me? Solve it!
  • I'm not random, you just can't think as fast as me!
  • GET. LIKE. ME.
  • I came. I saw. I made it awkward.
  • I eat glitter for breakfast so I can shine all day!
  • I look in the mirror and think to myself "Shine on you crazy diamond!".
  • You'll always be my friend... because you know too much!
  • Whenever I feel bad about myself, I just remember I'm not you!
  • I'm going to make the rest of my life the best of my life.
  • I'm just trying to be a nice human.
  • I have drama, and I have memories. That's life: Live it, love it, learn from it

  • I can't help but notice that 'awesome' ends in 'me.'
  • Keep calm, and remember I am awesome.
  • When I text someone and they don't text me back, I automatically assume that they fainted from excitement.
  • I feel pretty and witty and bright, and I pity anyone who isn't me tonight!
  • In my opinion, the best thing you can do is find a person who loves you exactly as you are.

  • I don't chase them, I replace them!
  • I am too hot to handle and too cold to hold.
  • There are plenty of fish in the sea but until I catch one, I'll be standing here holding my rod.
  • Some call it stalking. I call it love.
  • I am the chocolate you've been craving for!
  • It's my life: Remember that when you're talking about it!
  • If you can't handle me at my worst, then you don't deserve me at my best!
  • I take responsibility for what I say, but I am not responsible for what you do not understand.
  • People like you are the reason people like me need medication!
  • Feisty, stubborn, sarcastic, outspoken, blunt: Hmmm... are these my good points or bad? Who knows! Who cares! It's still gonna be me!
  • Don't try to fix me: I'm not broken!
  • You make me smile without even trying!
  • I'm a good girl (with a lot of bad habits!).
  • Get to know me, get to love me!

Copyright © StricktlyDating: All rights reserved.

Funny quote about me.
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Comments:

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    • Play2Learn profile image

      Janemaree 

      4 months ago from Australia

      I love this! Such a great collection of quotes.

    • vocalcoach profile image

      Audrey Hunt 

      6 months ago from Idyllwild Ca.

      Love this list of about me quotes. Especially the "I'm so old (taking photos) line. We sometimes take ourseves to serious. This article is a good antidote for this.

    • elmar1111 profile image

      Elizabeth Mcin 

      10 months ago from Monterrey, Nuevo Leon

      oh that´s awesome!!!

    • anusha15 profile image

      Anusha Jain 

      11 months ago from Delhi, India

      Haha. That's such an Awesome collection!

      Most of them were cute and/or funny, but some had real deep meanings.

      And when saw the I "literally" have your back picture, I was thinking, pictures actually are so much more powerful than words. Not only can can add meaning to words, they have the potential of completely changing the meaning along with the context.

      Great post, thanks a lot for sharing this.

    • profile image

      Ellie Croker 

      14 months ago

      This is amazing! xx

    • profile image

      Tamara Moore 

      16 months ago

      Ha Ha...I like!!

      Hugs from Tamara

    • larryward90 profile image

      larryward90 

      21 months ago

      very good

    • profile image

      JaBed 

      2 years ago

      What a great work... it's really very needed for me :) :D

    • Yanglish profile image

      Yanglish 

      2 years ago

      Very good and precise combination of photos and quotes. Good work.

    • profile image

      smruti 

      2 years ago

      very nice Nice quotes i like it all..

    • Kristen Howe profile image

      Kristen Howe 

      2 years ago from Northeast Ohio

      You're welcome!

    • stricktlydating profile imageAUTHOR

      StricktlyDating 

      2 years ago from Australia

      Thanks Kristen!

    • Kristen Howe profile image

      Kristen Howe 

      2 years ago from Northeast Ohio

      I love them all! Since I'm on Facebook, I can relate to some of these sayings! Nice work!

    • profile image

      2 years ago

      Awesome quotes

    • vocalcoach profile image

      Audrey Hunt 

      3 years ago from Idyllwild Ca.

      I'm back again because I enjoy your hub so much. Everyone should read this. Sharing and thanks.

    • profile image

      Kazhi_who 

      3 years ago

      Wow. This was awesome.... Like me! Lol✌

    • profile image

      Anand raj 

      3 years ago

      Wow nice status

    • vocalcoach profile image

      Audrey Hunt 

      3 years ago from Idyllwild Ca.

      "I'm living large and taking charge." What a fantastic hub this is. Unique, well-done and fun! Voted up and across and will share. Thanks a bunch.

    • profile image

      sivu 

      3 years ago

      Well done! I will keep on visiting this page...

    • profile image

      shazia 

      3 years ago

      nice quotes....:-)

    • Christy Maria profile image

      Christy Maria 

      3 years ago

      Really enjoyed reading this! It was funny, witty, and interesting! Great job

    • profile image

      Ali 

      3 years ago

      Awesome!! Love all of them. Great job explaining them.

    • profile image

      murtaza 

      3 years ago

      Nice collection

    • profile image

      gaju 

      4 years ago

      Nice

    • profile image

      Sarah 

      4 years ago

      This is amazing! thanks a million for your help. I couldn't have done my description essay whithout you.

    • profile image

      KryssiNykki 

      4 years ago

      lol..... i love it.

    • profile image

      Shwetha 

      4 years ago

      Cool

    • profile image

      Aj 

      5 years ago

      Amazing, thanks so much!!!

    • Sherry Hewins profile image

      Sherry Hewins 

      5 years ago from Sierra Foothills, CA

      Funny! Voted up and sharing.

    • profile image

      james 

      6 years ago

      nice

    • profile image

      Pardeep Thakur 

      6 years ago

      Thanks so much!!!

    • profile image

      jona 

      6 years ago

      nice

    • profile image

      daryoush 

      6 years ago

      Really enjoyed!!!!!!!!

    • stricktlydating profile imageAUTHOR

      StricktlyDating 

      6 years ago from Australia

      Thanks so much!

    • profile image

      me 

      6 years ago

      love this page

    • profile image

      REhma 

      6 years ago

      nice...

    • profile image

      goodvibes 

      6 years ago

      I eat when I'm bored..hahaha..I always do that...;)

    • profile image

      Tanaka02 

      6 years ago

      I liked this collection. Its awesome.

    • profile image

      farhan 

      6 years ago

      Very nice

    • profile image

      Abdul Mannan 

      6 years ago

      Love it.....

    • profile image

      eyra 

      6 years ago

      very nice! Keep it up.

    • JoshuaDR profile image

      JoshuaDR 

      6 years ago from Charleston, SC

      I hate to admit it but my mom has actually had 2 of these sayings as her facebook status. I hate that she's on Facebook! =)

      voted up and funny

    • profile image

      Mpho 

      6 years ago

      I like it.. nice

    • profile image

      Crisha 

      6 years ago

      best quotes ever

    • profile image

      beth talidasan 

      6 years ago

      very nice

    • stricktlydating profile imageAUTHOR

      StricktlyDating 

      6 years ago from Australia

      Thanks for all your lovely comments, I really appreciate your feedback :)

    • profile image

      honey 

      6 years ago

      super like!

    • profile image

      honey 

      6 years ago

      that was so nice...=)

    • profile image

      Zainab 

      6 years ago

      I love them all

      :-)

    • profile image

      Diamond 

      6 years ago

      I just love them all : )

    • profile image

      Himanshu Chauhan 

      6 years ago

      its very very nice i like it

    • profile image

      dinesh 

      6 years ago

      perfect i like this.I need other quotes thank you very much.

    • profile image

      Pooh Bear 

      6 years ago

      Thanks i needed this :)

    • profile image

      sainath reddy 

      6 years ago

      good collection

    • profile image

      usman 

      6 years ago

      Awesome

    • profile image

      cute 

      6 years ago

      oh good!

    • profile image

      arib 

      6 years ago

      awesome quotes

    • profile image

      WAHID 

      6 years ago

      I JUST WANNA SAY ONE THING ITS AWESOME.........AWESOME.

    • profile image

      shiva 

      6 years ago

      nice quotations

    • profile image

      erickamhae 

      6 years ago

      really nice

    • stricktlydating profile imageAUTHOR

      StricktlyDating 

      6 years ago from Australia

      Thankyou! Your comments are appreciated!

    • profile image

      Angelina 

      6 years ago

      WOW! Those were worth reading!!!

    • Silent Sinner profile image

      Silent Sinner 

      6 years ago

      So, I'm going to bookmark this page. It will come in handy for me :)

    • profile image

      sajadkhan 

      6 years ago

      awesome

    • stricktlydating profile imageAUTHOR

      StricktlyDating 

      6 years ago from Australia

      Thanks, I enjoy reading your comments!

    • profile image

      jahir 

      6 years ago

      thanks! very good.................

    • profile image

      Abhishek tiwari 

      6 years ago

      nice thought....

    • profile image

      yna j. 

      7 years ago

      I do really like those quotes...very nice page. hope to read more.thanks.

    • profile image

      Zie kefli 

      7 years ago

      cool

    • profile image

      veeer 

      7 years ago

      nice collection

    • profile image

      ntokozo 

      7 years ago

      very good status

    • profile image

      momin shadab 

      7 years ago

      very nice Nice quotes i like it all..

    • ImYoungAtHeart profile image

      ImYoungAtHeart 

      7 years ago from midwest US

      What a fun hub! I can't wait to start using some of these. And if they ask where I got them, I'll point them here :)

    • profile image

      mwah 

      7 years ago

      yes men

    • profile image

      KAYBEE 

      7 years ago

      i think these are great. keep them coming!

    • profile image

      goutham9999 

      7 years ago

      very funny quote.....

    • profile image

      praveen  

      7 years ago

      very nice Nice quotes i like it all..

    • stricktlydating profile imageAUTHOR

      StricktlyDating 

      7 years ago from Australia

      Very greatful for your comments on this Hub, thanks!

    • profile image

      me 

      7 years ago

      good!

    • profile image

      mayuri 

      7 years ago

      Thanks, it's great to have your feedback!

    • profile image

      NaveenGC 

      7 years ago

      Very Nice....

    • stricktlydating profile imageAUTHOR

      StricktlyDating 

      7 years ago from Australia

      Thanks, it's great to have your feedback!

    • profile image

      surlyoldcat 

      7 years ago

      Some funny stuff you have there. Well done. Rated up.

    • profile image

      amit dahiya 

      7 years ago

      very nice

    • profile image

      young.money 

      8 years ago

      A good quote can fix almost any problem besides a broken heart and loneliness. People either love me or they hate me but you can't have both. This isn't burger king you can't have it you're way.

    • stricktlydating profile imageAUTHOR

      StricktlyDating 

      8 years ago from Australia

      Thanks M.s Fowler!

    • M.s Fowler profile image

      M.s Fowler 

      8 years ago from United states

      I so love these!

    • Cheeky Girl profile image

      Cassandra Mantis 

      8 years ago from UK and Nerujenia

      This is a good collection of sayings and quotes here. I have found that there are Prince Charming types out there who do have some tattoos. Tattoos are okay with me. I don't mind 'em! As long as you are comfortable in your own skin and be the best you are in life, no one can pull you down. There is a lot to be said for believing in yourself. Cheers! Have a great day! : )

    • Scott36 profile image

      Scott36 

      8 years ago from Montana

      Funny, you definitely have some good ones here. How is the beautiful Australian down under , what a neat Country

    • lctodd1947 profile image

      lctodd1947 

      8 years ago from USA

      You sound interesting...being yourself is every important. Thanks for sharing.

    • Putz Ballard profile image

      Putz Ballard 

      8 years ago

      Very good, thumbs up!

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