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Facebook Is The Neediest Girlfriend I Never Had!

Updated on June 11, 2010


I’ve ranted about people sending me requests to help them on Facebook with their farms, their Mafia Wars or trying to start a snowball fight with me via the Internet. While I’m on Facebook daily and enjoy seeing what (most) of my friends are up to, these types of applications just get on my damn nerves. Now there’s a new rash of stupid “likes” that people are putting on their Facebook pages that prove that Facebook is the neediest girlfriend I never had! – Don’t Get Me Started!

“I feel sad today please LIKE me to make me happy” – yes, this is just one of the newest line of needy attention getters from people on Facebook. Are you serious? I didn’t think I had anyone who was STILL in high school on my Facebook page but apparently I only accounted for chronological age and not emotional age. While I was one of the three people in the world who felt that Sally Field’s Oscar speech of, “You like me, you really like me” was adorable and heartfelt the same cannot be said for the above phrase that is appearing on more than a few of my Facebook friends. I want to slap them across the face like Cher did to Nicholas Cage in Moonstruck and proclaim, “Snap out of it!”

Look, as a gay man it’s taken me almost all of my forty-something years to get my self esteem to where it should be but one thing I always was smart enough to know was to not let my slip nor my lack of self esteem show. I can’t think of anything more of a turn off (speaking of friends or lovers) than needy. Sure we all can be needy at times but let’s do that after you’ve established you can stand on your own two feet shall we? Posting the fact that you’re a needy person is about as much fun to read as how your bowel movements are going, seeing that you “checked in” at the gas station where you also have gas from the burrito you purchased there or some sappy “life affirming” phrase you read on a Flavia card in 1982.

I like reading people who have something clever or funny to say on their Facebook status or wall as it were. It lets me feel as though I know what my pals in foreign lands as well as different states are doing but this new line of needy notices has got to go people. I can only imagine how far this neediness will go and frankly it makes me not throw up a little bit in my mouth but full on puke.

There’s a little phrase that people used to use back in the day and I think more people need to start using it today, “pull yourself up by your bootstraps!” I don’t care if it’s your bootstraps, your wonder bra or your jock strap just get a hold of yourself people and start being responsible for yourself. I can’t take care of one more person, animal or bad driver texting in front of me so please don’t think that I’m going to put on a digital cheerleading costume to make you feel better about yourself on Facebook! Two bits, four bits, Get Away From Me If You Wallow (in self pity)!

I know, I’m a gay, I’m supposed to be sensitive. And for the most part I am but sometimes I think tough love is the better road to take. So here it is. Stop it people. Stop with all the neediness and begging for attention from people you haven’t seen in twenty years since high school and your kid’s soccer coach. It doesn’t make you attractive in the least and let’s face it, while your online presence can, like a photo be photoshopped to not show your imperfections, when you throw your needy all out there, don’t be surprised if you suddenly find yourself with a  few less “friends” or less access to the stuff on their Facebook pages. Facebook is the neediest girlfriend I never had! – Don’t Get Me Started!

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    • profile image

      Seakay 7 years ago

      OK, then! I'm not quite sure how to respond to this. I don't do the farm-thing. However, I do connect to friends on Facebook. I guess I'm not into it enough for it to annoy me. I think there are people online who really do need to post their emotions on their sleeve. It's a release for them. They can vent without repercussions and do it anonomously if they want. I guess my best advice would be to stop reading something if it annoys you. I'm gathering that there are many things that annoy you, yes? ( I actually enjoyed your venting. Just a bit over the top, however.

    • somelikeitscott profile image

      somelikeitscott 7 years ago from Las Vegas

      EA - You are truly an Earth Angel!! I don't know how or when you find the time to read and comment on my hubs with all else going on in your life, I just know that much like everyone else's life you touch, I'm very grateful!

      Upsidedown, thanks for the comments and do me a favor and keep the purple goat...too gay for me! ;)

    • Updownside profile image

      Updownside 7 years ago from Southern California Coastal

      I missed the part during Homo Orientation when they said you had to be sensitive. I really "Liked" your Hub Scott. I'm going to now send you a little Purple Goat for your farm!

    • Earth Angel profile image

      Earth Angel 7 years ago

      Good Morning Scott!!

      Java in hand!! I know I am not the only one; hundreds if not thousands follow your rants and insights every morning!!

      Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh, to feel out-dated and vindicated at the same time!! Sorry I can't help you with this one! I 'do' no social media!!

      Having been stalked, it makes no sense to me to announce to the world where I am every minute!

      Besides, my life is one of service to others - cooking food for the homeless shelter, raising funds for the battered women's shelter, rescuing abandoned animals, raising awareness for environmental issues, teaching earthquake preparedness, etc.!!

      My life is not nearly as engaging to others as when Ashton Kutcher uses the toilet!!

      Blessings always, Earth Angel!!

      P.S. Sally Field's heartfelt acceptance speech IS/WAS adorable!!