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Facebook Philosophers Don't Get Me Started

Updated on May 9, 2011

They say that everyone has a book in them. I just wonder if anyone actually writes that book and more importantly if anyone wants to read it. I include myself in this club for while I think I’m the most fascinating (and insightful person I know) apparently this cheese stands alone in this thought as I have no literary agent or book deal…yet. But this is not about the people who talk of writing the great American novel this is about all of the people on my Facebook “friend” list who seem to believe that they are philosophers in their own right. There are many people who seem to think they are the Plato of our age (and no, I’m not talking about Mickey’s dog, the planet that is no more <don’t write to me, yes I’m kidding, I know that is Pluto> or all the supposed straight Republicans who think they’re great orators and are sleeping with men but claiming they’re straight, the only thing they do that is comparable to them and the Greek philosophers). In a world where we put the emphasis and importance on he who dies with the most money, toys, etc. I find it interesting that the soullessness of computer programs that allow us to think we’re connecting or socially interacting with one another breeds such deep thought. Or does it? Facebook Philosophers – Don’t Get Me Started!

Look I understand that as I get older I think I know a lot. What’s more is that I think everyone should know what I know, know that I know it, agree with me and be glad that I told them what I know. This is called getting older and supposedly wiser (or perhaps just annoying) but what gets me are all the people whom I’ve seen puke up seventeen beers, cheated on tests during our school days and slept with more people than go through the turnstiles of the New York subway system on a daily basis who somewhere along the way they have become a spiritual leader in their own mind. Where did this come from? Did aliens pick them up and make them wise? I have a little trouble believing that one.

While some choose to post things from actual philosophers (and sometimes give them credit) many decide to make up their own brand of philosophy and try to peddle it to the Facebook users no doubt hoping that Hallmark will get in touch with them to write some cards for them. “When I look into my child’s eyes I know that God is looking back at me” (and versions similar to this quote) seems to be one that is used a lot by the Facebook philosophers. What they fail to realize is that in most cases their kids are just cross eyed and goofy looking but they’ve convinced themselves that not only is their child gorgeous but some divine being is communicating through that lazy left eye. They would be wrong.

Believe it or not I think I’d prefer to read what people are cooking, that they need a cow in Farmville or that they overslept instead of reading these mock philosophies. “Love is sand, the more you grip it the more slips through your grasp. Hold love gently” Ugh…puke…sputter…gag. Suddenly I want to start posting song lyrics or something. “If I was a sculpture but then again no” I would do this but my fear is that everyone would start posting lyrics from the Carpenters and thinking that they’re actually helping someone by letting us know that rainy days and Mondays always get them down.

I get that we’re all looking for the big answers about what life is all about but I’d like to think that should some divine inspiration come over someone (and I have my doubts about it happening to anyone I know, sorry kids) I’d hope I wouldn’t find out about it on Facebook. I’d much rather someone email it to me letting me know that if I don’t forward it to twenty people in twenty minutes all my hair is going to fall out! Facebook Philosophers – Don’t Get Me Started!



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    • profile image

      KHALID MASOOD 6 years ago

      Facebook is face of Time.

    • profile image

      Daniel Rios 7 years ago

      Well said!

    • somelikeitscott profile image

      somelikeitscott 7 years ago from Las Vegas

      MPG - I couldn't agree more!

      I don't know about disgusting, Stephen but I'm not a fan of these facebook obsessed philosophers or their farms.

    • profile image

      Stephen Van Tuyl 7 years ago

      I could not agree more my friend. I joined Facebook in a vain attempt to promote my Photography and web design businesses, not to play Farmville and read inane platitudes. It's downright disgusting!

    • MPG Narratives profile image

      Marie Giunta 7 years ago from Sydney, Australia

      Another reason not to use Facebook, oops did I say (write) that! Seriously people, connect face to face if you really want to speak to somone.

    • profile image

      Molly's Mom 7 years ago

      And we all say....Amen.

    • DanPowers profile image

      DanPowers 7 years ago from Tokyo

      The only thing I've learnt from facebook is that most of my friends are idiots, lol.