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Facebook Status & Twitter Status

Updated on May 11, 2011

Twitter & Facebook Status Updates

Recently I have noticed that the Facebook status and Twitter status bring great amusement to people and there are numerous other blogs with funny statuses for Facebook but I thought I spend enough time on both social networks and one of my best friends Giovanni is always posting them, so I thought I would make collection.

Below are 50 of the funniest Facebook statuses I could find but many are Twitter statuses that I see everyday, if you want to become popular amongst your friends make one of these your cool status:

Richie: Dear McDonalds, Thank you for not serving hotdogs, I don't think I could order a super-size McWeiner with a straight face

Giovanni: THEY'RE going THERE, with THEIR friends. It's called grammar, use it?

Richie: Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before.

Giovanni: Dropping your iPod and expecting your earphones to catch it instead they fail & you F'd up your iPod

Richie: Anyone who can walk to the welfare office can walk to work.

Giovanni: Dear Youtube, I went to your website to watch videos not 30 second ads about cars or other stuff. I believe I speak for lots of people.

Richie: Sorry, but L.O.V.E. does not stand for: Legs. Open. Very. Easy.

Giovanni: I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

Richie: Admit it... At some point in time you've tried to see if you had superpowers.

Giovanni: I always restart a game when I know I'm going to lose.

Photo courtesy of f-oxymoron

Best Facebook Statuses & Twitter Statuses

These are the best Facebook Statuses and receive many 'likes' and comments because I already tested them, they also receive re-tweets as Twitter statuses:

Richie: When I was little I had a huge imagination. now I cant even make up a story for english class

Giovanni: If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoys it?

Richie: I set my phone to airplane mode and then threw it in the air.... let's just say, worst transformer ever

Giovanni: We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.

Richie: Open fridge, nothing. Freezer? nothing. Might as well try the fridge again.

Giovanni: While tweeting, cars in front of you may be closer than expected.

Richie: I will sit in my car an extra 10 secs to hear a certain part of a song.

Giovanni: One day Twitter, Facebook, and YouTube will combine to make the most time consuming website known to mankind.

Richie: Dear microwave, Why are your minutes so much longer than normal minutes? Sincerely, super hungry and impatient

Giovanni: My level of maturity changes depending on who I'm with.

Photo courtesy of joe57spike

Cool Facebook Status and Twitter Status

I chose a lot of these cool Facebook statuses because they are aimed at young people and teenagers and these are the people who use Facebook.

Richie: Great minds talk about the future & ideas, small minds talk about the past & people... Which one are you?

Giovanni: God Bless the kid who entertains the class by disrespecting the teacher.

Richie: I get way more excited when my favorite song comes the radio rather than when it comes on my iPod.

Giovanni: I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

Richie: Our parents spend the 1st years of our lives trying to teach us how to walk and talk. And the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.

Giovanni: The dude who created Twitter must of had a thing for birds and god damn whales.

Richie: I automatically get distracted when I see somebody hot.

Giovanni: A person is a success if they get up in the morning and gets to bed at night and in between does what he wants to do.

Richie: I stop the microwave with 1 second left to avoid the beeping noise.

Giovanni: People who investigate strange noises in horror movies deserve to die.

Photo courtesy of beglen

Status Updates

I find it is not good to change your status updates to often, perhaps once or twice a day other wise people will think that you are just looking for attention and don't actual have anything to do in your life. The aim is to casually create a status update and this way you appear suave as though you were reading a news article on a website and just happened to notice a funny status somewhere.

Richie: A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.

Giovanni: How come mario can smash through bricks... yet he dies from touching a freaking turtle.

Richie: She has a million dollar figure. But the top half is counterfeit.

Giovanni: I hate when one string of my hoodie becomes longer than the other.

Richie: Asking to see my phone doesn't mean you can read my text messages.

Giovanni: I HATE when my family leaves my room without closing the door.

Richie: Fake friends are like shadows: always near you at your brightest moments, but nowhere to be seen at your darkest hour.

Giovanni: The guy who discovered milk, what was he doing with that cow?

Richie: Everything's funnier when you're not allowed to laugh.

Giovanni: Dear Facebook, pretty soon the Twitter bird is going to peck your face off and you'll end up dying like your buddy Myspace.

Photo courtesy of acrylica

Good Facebook Status

Richie: Taking a test, thinking it was really easy.. until you see your grade.

Giovanni: Dear Haters: you will be pleased to know that I am typing this with my middle finger.

Richie: Dear horses, We are hornier, if you know what I mean. Sincerely, unicorns. ;)

Giovanni: The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.

Richie: Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

Giovanni: What do you call a psychic midget that escaped from prison? A small medium at large

Richie: Growing old is no more than a bad habit which a busy person has no time to form.

Giovanni: Come here little bug let me kill you...OH CRAP IT FLIES!

Richie: If Youtube, Twitter and Facebook combined, it would have renamed to YouTwitFace.

Giovanni: Dear Twitter, 140 characters is not enough to express our feelings. Stop being so inconsiderate. Love, Me! :)

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