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Cheeky Status Updates, Quotes And Sayings

Updated on July 26, 2017
stricktlydating profile image

Hubpages writer StricktlyDating is an Australian writer creating pages of original funny quotes, funny status updates and funny memes.

Hundreds of very funny and cheeky status updates, quotes and sayings.

Cheeky, Funny Statuses:

  • The weather is here, wish you were beautiful.
  • If you're cooler than me, does that make me hotter than you?
  • Just asked my Grandma to explain how the hashtag on her landline works!
  • Sure you look hot. But how many people would you impress if the world were blind?
  • I can't believe drawing a black line across my eye lids makes me feel ten times prettier!
  • 80% of socks are single, many of them alone and you don't see them being all dramatic about it!
  • Will someone please love Taylor Swift so she'll be quiet.
  • 6 Glasses of water a day seems impossible, but 6 pints in 2 hours can be a breeze!
  • Mom: "Are you talking back to me?" Me: "Why yes, that's how communication usually works".
  • Your clothes are making me uncomfortable. Please take them off!
  • I get so disappointed when I go to unfriend someone and they've beat me to it!
  • There are some people I wish I could un-meet.
  • Trust me, when I woke up today I didn't plan on being this irrisistible.
  • I like being single, I'm always there when I need me.
  • If if you don't have anything nice to say, come sit by me and we can make fun of people together.
  • I'll show you my Australian if you show me your Brazilian.
  • I love my bed. But I'd rather be in yours.
  • Justin can put his timber in my lake.
  • OK, OK I take it back! Unscrew you!
  • I was going to give you a filthy look... Then I realised you already have one.
  • If I end up going to hell it will take me a week to realise I am not at work.
  • I am so hungover I seriously considered rolling down the stairs instead of walking.
  • I was so tipsy last night when I walked across the dance floor to get another drink I won the dance competition.
  • Don't touch MY iPhone. It's not an usPhone, a wePhone or an ourPhone it's an iPhone!
  • They say to think before you speak. But I'm going to have a drink and tell you exactly what I think.
  • Friday is my 2nd favourite F word.
  • I checked my calender and I won't give a toss about you tomorrow either.
  • I don't want a job. I just want money.
  • "LOOOOL" - Oh, so you're laughing out, out, out, out loud!
  • I've been known to flash people! (With my camera)
  • "I wasn't that drunk", "Dude you asked your girlfriend if she was single!".
  • Are you reading this from the toilet? Because I am writing this from the toilet.
  • I accept that you are close minded. Would you mind being closed mouthed as well?
  • I didn't realise you were and expert on my life. Please continue while I take notes.
  • Home is where you can say anything you want because nobody listens to you anyway.
  • He keeps toenail clippings on his bedside table, to chew on when his finger nails are too short.
  • The normal rules don't apply to me (Because I have large breasts).
  • Sometimes I wonder how some people don't choke on all the crap that comes out of their mouth!
  • Here's a list of the number of people who care what you think ... ... ...
  • All my friends are getting married and having babies. I'm just getting more awesome.
  • I'll always be there for you. But only on facebook. So don't go calling me up with all your issues.
  • Just because you know my name doesn't mean I want you to request me as your Facebook friend.
  • Everyone has an addiction. Mine just happens to be you!
  • Saying you're going to clean up your friends list is just a nice way of saying "Time to get rid rid of people who annoy me so much!"
  • Fandroids: People who are a fan of android devices.
  • Fanipad: A person who is a a fan of ipads.
  • Immature: A word boring people use to describe fun people.
  • I want Facebook to let me know when someone delete's me, so I can 'like' it.
  • When I'm lonely I set the alarm on my phone to go off every 15 minutes so I can pretend people are messaging me.
  • Just so you know the whole office heard the message you left me. And booed!
  • I just cooked a can of baked beans in the jug in my hotel room and used the iron to make toast... So bow to your new god!
  • That moment when you're sitting in a room wondering who would die if the fan fell down.
  • I prefer to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically.
  • I never thought I would have called my ex. You win again Vodka.
  • Drinking promotes freedom of speech. Call me later and I'll tell you exactly what I think about you.
  • Getting married at 18 seems similar to leaving a party at 8:30pm.
  • "You look nice today!" sounds like you're saying I was ugly yesterday.
  • I don't need a wife. I need wifi.
  • Sunglasses allow you to stare at people without getting caught. It's like Facebook in real life.
  • I'd rather eat my McDonalds than worry about if I have a thigh gap.
  • Everything happens for a reason but sometimes the reason is because you are stupid.
  • If you don't have anything nice to say, sit near me and we can make fun of people together.
  • I have PMS and GPS, which means I'm nasty AND I will find you.
  • If you were a vegetable you'd be a cabBITCH.
  • Time flys when you're throwing watches.
  • PMS jokes are not funny. Period.

  • When you split up with your ex, just yell "UNFOLLOW!" and walk away Like a boss.
  • I want to see other people. Until I'm absolutely certain I can't do better than you.
  • I hate to rub it in, but sunscreen doesn't work otherwise.
  • Since you have 500 friends on Facebook, I'm really surprised you need to take your own profile photo.
  • The older I get the more I realise people annoy me.
  • Put my 2 man tent up in my lounge room, put the heater on and moved in. So I can feel like I'm on summer holidays this winter.
  • You know you're lazy when you get overly excited about cancelled plans.
  • Home... A place I can look ugly and enjoy it.
  • I am proficient in 2 languages. English and Profanity.
  • I'm not much of a morning person. I don't like mornings and I don't like people.
  • I'm so not a morning person. I could not even be friends with a person called Dawn.
  • My glass is half full but it has at least 6 different things in it.
  • Lucky I held in my fart all morning. It came in handy when I wanted the sales man to go away.
  • I taste so good you'll be begging for the recipe!
  • "You're so hot!" I whispered to my food when I took it out of the oven.
  • You look like something I'd draw with my left hand.
  • Don't go broke trying to look rich!
  • You look like I need a strong drink.
  • You know the instinct you have not to open your mouth when you want to say something nasty. Unfortunately I don't have that.
  • I didn't say I don't want to work. I said I don't want to Twirk!
  • Many a good friendship is built on a solid foundation of alcohol and inappropriateness.
  • May your life someday be more interesting than you make it out to be on Facebook.
  • If you can't stand me why don't you sit.
  • There's a time and a place for decaf coffee. Never, and in the bin.
  • I can't remember a time where I cared less.
  • Tired? There's a nap for that.
  • Ignorance can be educated. Crazy can be medicated... But there is no cure for stupid.
  • If one size really did fit all what would my size be?

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© 2012 StricktlyDating


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    • peachpurple profile image

      peachy 3 years ago from Home Sweet Home

      some of these status are useful and funny as a side line, voted useful

    • carrie Lee Night profile image

      Kept private 3 years ago from Northeast United States

      I LOVED this ! This is happiness in a box ! Voted very funny :). Thank you for putting some pep in my step. Keep them wanting more :). Thank you for sharing.

    • FlourishAnyway profile image

      FlourishAnyway 3 years ago from USA

      You have some funny ones. My favorite is, "May your life someday be more interesting than you make it out to be on Facebook."

    • DDE profile image

      Devika Primić 5 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      An interesting Hub, thanks for sharing

    • CyberShelley profile image

      Shelley Watson 5 years ago

      Pretty funny most of them and a couple of ouchs! Up and funny.