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Funny Facebook Status-Funny Status Lines

Updated on April 29, 2011

Funny Facebook status? Funny status lines?  You are not serious right?

As of September 2009, Facebook has now three hundred million members all over the world making it one of the leading social networking sites. Imagine that! And one of the things that Facebook users enjoy doing is updating their statuses. There are different postings. Some are downright silly, funny, corny, while others are serious or inspirational. I've noticed a lot of family and friends post their thoughts or whatever activity they are engaged at for the moment. Well, it's a great way to keep in touch and connect with some people I know.

Obviously, I am in the mood for something light and funny for the day. Here are funny facebook status lines collected or gathered which you are free to use and modify as you wish. Enjoy and if you want to add some more..go ahead!

Funny Facebook Status

  • used to have no life. Now I have a laptop and Facebook!
  • knows she's bored when she has thoughts of what the cat would look like shaved !!
  • is trying to decide if she has an attitude problem today, or not.
  • I'm actually quite pleasant until I'm awake
  • When she came home I had laid a trail of roses to the bedroom...I had candles lit everywhere, jazz playing in the background and wine chilling with me waiting for her in my the next thing I need to do is introduce myself......
  • giving "the silent treatment" only matters to those who want to hear what you have to say.
  • secretly stalks slimey children's toys
  • wonders whether he'll ever see psychedelic cowboy boots
  • is eating a hearty meal of spectacular hair implants
  • is trying to sell a useless set of feelings
  • says don't you hate it when you miss a call by the last ring, but when you immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail? What did the person do after I didn’t answer? Drop the phone and run away?
  • obsesses over spectacular slam dunks
  • is not scared of heights.... just widths!!!!
  • is your father's brother's nephew's cousin's sister's uncle's brother's friend's second cousin's former roommate on your mothers side.
  • is trying to stop being indecisive, but is not sure about it...
  • has THOUGHT about getting out of bed... still thinking, still thinking...
  • says I get this funny feeling that people are reading the things I type here but maybe I'm just being paranoid.

I Don't Like to Hear Myself Think!

More Funny Facebook Status

  • is wondering if they could invent a self cleaning oven, why can't they invent a self cleaning house?
  • says watch out causeI know karate...and 7 other Japanese words!
  • thinking its funny how,When people talk to God, it's called prayer. When God talks back, it's called schizophrenia !!!
  • will not be responsible for her actions if she doesn't get some chocolate soon
  • is playing loud music to keep from hearing her own thoughts
  • says why is it that whenever there’s two women in a profile pic the hot one is always someone else..?
  • The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard. This recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never be ending a work email with the phrase "Regards" again.
  • is pretending that she doesn't exist
  • Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
  • I am a bomb technician. If you see me running, try to keep up
  • First the engagement ring, then the wedding ring, then the suffering
  • is thinking about doing something! Now just got to think what that something will be!!!
  • you know you are having a bad day, when the bird singing outside your window is a vulture
  • doesn't understand what the fascination is with Camping...You work hard all year to pay your Mortgage/Rent, only to spend your vacation pretending you're Homeless
  • thinks the best part about his job is that his chair spins!
  • says people are always asking what's the meaning of life, why dont they just look it up in the dictionary. Duh!!!!
  • Apparently you have been misinformed, because the ONLY advantage you have over me is... you can "kiss my ass" and I cant...
  • wonders if there is a cure for "dumbassness" if so, I know a few people who need a dose.
  • says I'm tired of chasing my dreams, I'm just going to ask them where their going and meet them there later.
  • you know you need to get a life when you've just spent half an hour compulsively rearranging your trees in Farmville.
  • had a brief but terrifying bout of sanity, but everything is back to normal now.
  • is riding a pink giraffe wearing her underpants and a top hat
  • is on strike! she will not be talking to anyone, until her demands are met. she wants a baby monkey and an army of Scottish squirrels!
  • Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but then again, neither does milk
  • was almost killed today when he fell off a horse. Thank god the walmart employee saw me, came over and unplugged the thing
  • would like a refund on this life.
  • if you cant laugh at yourself, ill be happy to do it for you
  • To make it straight, she pulls it. 2 make it stand, she rubs it. 2 make it stiff, she licks it. 2 let it “IN” she pushes it. !!!! True! Threading a needle is not easy!!!
  • Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent
  • says If this was 1999, would you have ever thought 10 years from now you could sit on the toilet while updating your facebook status???

standing on her front lawn with her pants down waiting for Google Earth to come by and take her picture..

  • is trying to keep her eyes open when she sneezes
  • eanie, meanie, minie, moe, caught a Tiger with his ho.
  • has just had Guinness Book of Records on the phone, they want to measure my ironing pile..
  • When it comes to driving, anybody going slower than me is an idiot, and anyone going faster than me is a maniac.
  • Dear Winter, I think we should spend some time apart... I'm gonna try to work things out with my ex, Summer...
  • If my house is clean, it means that Facebook is broken
  • I'm telepathically cleaning my house! So if you're really nice to me, maybe I'll "think" about cleaning yours too!
  • is offering her children on buy 1 get 1 free
  • wonders if fish ever get thirsty???
  • is now on two diets...because she was still hungry after just one
  • is planning a night he can't remember!
  • is going into me when it's safe to come out
  • wonders if we ain't meant to have midnight snacks why is there a light in the refrigerator?
  • is caffeinating.
  • says it's been a rough day. I got up this morning .... put on a shirt and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase and the handle came off. I'm afraid to go to the bathroom....
  • is thinking if you give a person a fish you feed them for a day, teach a person to use facebook and they won't bother you for weeks.
  • is single...and you're going to have to be freakin' awesome to change that!!

If you want to connect with me on Facebook, click here!

Do you get a kick out of reading or commenting on facebook statuses?

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    • profile image

      shaira 5 years ago

      i love facebook because it make me feel good jejeje

    • Elixir Lee profile image

      Elixir Lee 5 years ago from Los Angeles, California

      HAHA! These are great. You should also check out this huge collection of different types of FB Status updates

    • profile image

      mo 5 years ago

      still laughing hilariously! lov it

    • profile image

      Twan 5 years ago

      Haha! The first one is the best!

      Keep it up.

    • profile image

      asley 5 years ago

      haha larious to somebody hmmmmm i have a frog named jeniffer lopez just thought u needed to know ya so hey hey jal-o

    • profile image

      joseph 5 years ago

      that was kinda nice :)##@@

    • profile image

      martina dazz 6 years ago

      it was funny..........

    • profile image

      Hollister boy 6 years ago

      ladies add me on face book.

    • profile image

      Brendan 6 years ago

      I see that several of mine are on here!

    • profile image

      miro 6 years ago


    • profile image

      Jason 6 years ago

      I thought it was cool

    • profile image

      nedkc 6 years ago

      i do not get it

    • profile image

      sophie williams 6 years ago

      this is so funny i stole a few for my fb and i have had endless comments thnk u 4 making my day :) xx

    • profile image

      nikashi_designs 6 years ago

      Have to say, that was some funny lines. I like, "you know you are having a bad day, when the bird singing outside your window is a vulture" Thanks.

    • profile image

      Sexy me 6 years ago

      Funny xD !!!

    • profile image

      Ayoosh Adores U 6 years ago

      omg i thought i wont laugh but i did like hell!

    • profile image

      roshan 6 years ago


    • profile image

      Eme Michael 6 years ago

      Thanks For Giving Us Such Wonderful Knowledge.Really i like your information. For Those Who Enjoy Statuses On Facebook, We're Just Trying To Make New Funny Statuses For You Guys Hope You Guys Really Like Our Funny Statuses And You Can Also Get Latest Statuses From

    • Infobrowser profile image

      Infobrowser 6 years ago from UK

      This article is a Jackpot for Facebookers! Thanks =)

      I've put up a short article about funny Facebook features if anyone would like some more entertainment.

    • profile image

      blueeyes 6 years ago

      actually giggleing at these mate dont think have ever updated my status as much in the last 5 mins than i have done in the last 4 years !!

    • profile image

      LOL Angel! 6 years ago

      is holding him/herself hostage and if u ever want to see me again pay me 1Billion dollars!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! =D =D =D =D

      I swear my pillow could b a hair stylist.................. I always wake up with the weirdest hair styles!

    • profile image

      Amit Kodi 6 years ago

      it was fun reading this!

    • profile image

      Put ty tang 6 years ago

      Funniest comment: Never take a sleeping pill and a laxative at the same time...hilarious and great advice.

    • profile image

      sum1 over the rainbow 6 years ago

      its soooooo funny seeing ppl hav posted 2 years ago lol 2 funny

    • profile image

      Richa Sharma 6 years ago

      hahaha all are mind blowing yar..

    • profile image

      Bryan Dunstable 6 years ago

      Holy crap this is funny stuff lol

    • profile image

      penny 6 years ago

      sometimes i don't understand how people act to become ur friends in the smetime ur worse night mares.

    • profile image

      numbsain 6 years ago

      hates it when you wait too long to answer nature's call and it goes to voicemail.

      Thinks sarcasm is just soooooo great.

      wonders why those tiny blurry people I always see in the distance never come closer. I'd like to hold a little blurry guy in my hand.

    • profile image

      Binita Pokhrel 6 years ago


      TOO FUNNY!!!!

      HAD A MUCH TIME.................

    • profile image

      Mathi yazhagan 6 years ago

      happy children's day

    • profile image

      patricia gemayel 6 years ago

      hahahaha nice quotes

    • profile image

      jennifer 6 years ago



    • profile image

      bernard baruiz 6 years ago

      so nice!

    • profile image

      maria 6 years ago

      ur mom is so fat she tryied killin herself by jumpin out of her basemrnt window hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah lolol

    • profile image

      7amudi shkeir 6 years ago


    • profile image

      JDB 6 years ago

      Like (insert fb thumbs up here)

    • profile image

      sanjeev 6 years ago


    • profile image

      Eme Michael 6 years ago

      its really really very excellent stuff in your blog.very good to reading your stuff. For Those Who Enjoy Statuses On Facebook, We're Just Trying To Make New Status And You Can Also Get Latest Statuses From There Facebook Statuses.

    • profile image

      jjjj 6 years ago


    • profile image 6 years ago

      super likable

      i will digg it

    • profile image

      rocky 6 years ago

      To make it straight, she pulls it. 2 make it stand, she rubs it. 2 make it stiff, she licks it. 2 let it “IN” she pushes it. !!!! True!!! Threading a needle is not easy!!! :P :P diz was awsme manh :P

    • profile image

      Komal 6 years ago

      Its more commnts

    • profile image

      Anonomus 6 years ago

      "Childrens laughter makes me happy. Unless I'm in a dark abandoned hospital and my flashlight isn't working properly

    • profile image

      PRIYA DAS 6 years ago


    • profile image

      abhee 6 years ago

      nice collection

      *sumbody stole my english roughbook whn i was in school




      nw it is known as 'oxford dictionary'

    • profile image

      shannon dawson 6 years ago

      hahaha this is so freakin funny XD

    • profile image 6 years ago

      i want some funny pics on facebook so help me get one

    • profile image

      E.V 6 years ago

      It's this time of nite - When my mind goes into overdrive- WHAT THE HELL WERE GOLDILOCK'S PARENTS THINKING OF?.&.HOW THE F#CK DID THE BEARS GET A COUNCIL HOUSE?

    • profile image

      sabith sabu 6 years ago

      2ha 2hi

    • profile image

      loappe orekeno scorpio 6 years ago

      oh...??tht was much fun and hav laugh

    • profile image

      siddharth goswami 6 years ago

      its realy vry funny nd fantastic yar....mindblowing...outstanding....thnk u :)

    • profile image

      Chihiro susimiya 6 years ago

      This was so9 useful and funny!!!

    • profile image

      raymond pacada 6 years ago

      i love to online in fb,,, i want to see more updates about it.. to chat friend... and to see pic.... in short i like it... ROFL....... hahaha

    • profile image

      Manu 6 years ago

      good work ..... keep it up........

    • profile image

      nour 6 years ago

      i got my last feelings


    • profile image

      thandie mhlophe 6 years ago

      loliiiiiiiiiiiiiing this is really funny

    • profile image

      Lerah 6 years ago

      love it!haha

    • profile image

      krazy.d 6 years ago

      funny, need to add more though,

    • profile image

      kripesh 6 years ago

      i m having so much fun by reading this

    • profile image

      Me 6 years ago




      UU. BUNNY:D

    • profile image

      aquib arman 6 years ago

      here is some cool comments but i want more...

    • profile image

      nikma 6 years ago

      thanks 4 posting it.... relly had fun reading thru.

    • profile image

      ashiq raj 6 years ago

      thank for that

    • profile image

      marty 6 years ago

      three letters "lol" super cool

    • profile image

      stella winx 6 years ago

      haha..its g8 tym iz on f.b

      Lol itz my fav plc 2 sit n enjoy my tym!!

      nyc status abv...hhehe :)

    • profile image

      Judithc 6 years ago

      I was laughing when I saw the one about buy one child get one free! I actually posted that up before I read it here! Haha funny to know other moms think the same.. But I love my kids:)

    • profile image

      Gerrard 6 years ago

      Kewl....It was nice..

    • profile image

      Robyn 6 years ago

      ` lmao if yu aint got no facebook !

    • cheerfulnuts profile image

      cheerfulnuts 6 years ago from Manila, Philippines

      "you know you need to get a life when you've just spent half an hour compulsively rearranging your trees in Farmville."- I got to tell this to my dad, haha!

    • profile image

      lesli 6 years ago


    • profile image

      subekchhya 6 years ago

      thumbs up

    • Eiddwen profile image

      Eiddwen 6 years ago from Wales

      A great hub.

      Take care


    • profile image

      arti 6 years ago

      these are the best posts ever, you ROCK !!!!!

    • profile image

      Shada 6 years ago


    • profile image

      diva99 6 years ago

      cool unz.. was rely lukin for sumtin gud 2 post.. i posted 1 of the statuses and som1 immediately likd it.. usually its nt noticed... thnx a lot, realy helpful.. keep it up!! :))

    • profile image

      Abhishek Sachan 7 years ago

      hey..interesting funny stuff....loved it

    • profile image

      Olanrewaju sunday 7 years ago

      My brother and sister....i beg 4 ur pardon...I am a student and am looking the person that will sponsor me to school...please help me...and GOD will be with you all adieu 4 now.

    • profile image

      SADMAN 7 years ago

      friggin' hilarious... good job maite (:

    • profile image

      wexie woodcock 7 years ago

      i wuv it

    • profile image

      vishakh  7 years ago

      nice status

    • profile image

      virk 7 years ago

      i got fed by reading these funny things again nd again so this all seems boring 4 me, please add some new one's.

    • profile image

      brieanna 7 years ago

      lol so so funny:)!

    • profile image

      prototype 7 years ago


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      heaven 7 years ago

      lol luv it

    • profile image

      Chinmay Bokil 7 years ago

      these is a real funny stuff ! Thanx 4 sharing !

    • profile image

      amol chaudhari 7 years ago

      hahaha funny...!!!

    • profile image

      jag 7 years ago

      great for relaxation.. love it!

    • wizbitz profile image

      wizbitz 7 years ago

      One word===> "hahaha"

    • profile image

      Ana 7 years ago

      Ok...;-). I had a laugh!

    • profile image

      NAZ 7 years ago

      u rock thanxxxxx

    • profile image

      Slim Jim 7 years ago

      That was amazing.

    • profile image

      crunchy 7 years ago


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      imtiaz arab 7 years ago

      this is crazy.... and i loved it!

    • profile image

      aastha 7 years ago

      hilarious.,.,thanx for sharing.,.,

    • profile image

      Rena 7 years ago

      These were very clever.

    • profile image

      indi collier 7 years ago

      ahha made me lmao on all of em lool :) xx

    • profile image

      shahista  7 years ago

      lol!!!luvd it... :*

    • profile image

      devanshi 7 years ago

      every1 really keeps out the request of farmville!!! haha

    • profile image

      Nidhi kapoor 7 years ago

      I m Loving it...

    • profile image

      diana kaminskaya 7 years ago

      I looove this(: