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Funny Quotes For Facebook Status

Updated on December 14, 2015

Funny Things to do on Facebook?

Fun on Facebook
Fun on Facebook

Hilarious Facebook Quotes

The following funny Facebook quotes and status ideas will definitely bring a lot of fun and a long debate on your Timeline once you post these cool quotes on your status. Most of these one liner and hilarious quotes for Facebook are about FB itself and the addicted users. This hub page is not about “how to quit Facebook” so just relax and enjoy the post.

Cute Facebook Status Quotes:

  1. My Facebook status loves to borrow likes and comments.
  2. Facebook friends are just minute fellows that live on your Timeline and like your status with few boring comments every day.
  3. Facebook makes you experience the way you must have to feel without it.
  4. Hello LMS I cannot live without you.
  5. I just left Justin Bieber music on in my sister’s bedroom. Now all her dolls are deaf.
  6. I've never been participating in F1 car race, but I've driven a car in Need for Speed really fast.
  7. You don't know terror until you listen to a damn fart sound underneath your bed.
  8. It’s 2013, why don’t my Facebook status update automatically?
  9. You know you're hopeless for a new date when your ex posts a comment on your Facebook status.
  10. I know I'm wasting myself to a slow addiction, but then I'm in no rush.
  11. The only singer that will ever shock me is Lady Gaga.
  12. If you wanted to take hostage me, you don’t need to bind me up. Just allow me to use my Facebook account, I'll never run away.
  13. Spending time on Facebook is useless, but it is a great place to post useful quotes on status bar.
  14. Facebook should just stop introducing new features and repeat all the old ones.
  15. Mark Elliot Zuckerberg is a clever man; he invented Facebook and dismisses the idea of school books.
  16. Girls fight about money vs fashion. Guys fight about girlfriend vs ex-girlfriend.
  17. I don’t like chatting Facebook users who don't use emoticons. I feel like I'm chatting with an unemotional machine.
  18. The best Facebook status ideas always come from that awkward moment.
  19. I admire people who use Facebook - at least they know how to waste time.
  20. I have always desired to have a second chance to break up with my wife again for the first time.
  21. If meat eaters are killers, then milk drinkers are robbers.
  22. When I saw your photo on Instagram, I got a thrilling feeling. Then I noticed my mobile was on vibrating.
  23. I have no inspiration how to get rid of the Facebook.
  24. I'm a Facebook addict by chance. It's just not my selection.
  25. 5 laws of friendship with a girl on Facebook, never ask age, always like her status, call her beautiful, admire her hair style, and never argue.
  26. You're not smashed if you can bring hundreds of Facebook friends without knowing them.
  27. Maybe Facebook wouldn't be so addictive if we stopped using Smartphones in the toilet.
  28. If you have no time to like my status, then it's time to sign-out.
  29. I hacked my ex boyfriend Facebook account, and posted "I hate you" on his status. Somebody liked it from my account.
  30. The middle phase between social networks and real life is Facebook.
  31. I hate when an obese girl asks who I looks like. Her weight was 120 Kg, she looks like an elephant.
  32. I think One Direction should write a song called, "We are nonsense."
  33. There can be nothing more regular in my life than a Facebook status update.

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Facebook Addiction

How to break a Facebook addiction in 3 simple steps:

1) Download a book.

2) Whenever you're bored and would normally surf Facebook, read your book instead.

3) When you finish your book, return to step 1.

Clever Facebook Status Updates

These websites named Facebook and twitter are meant for the most powerful media in the world. The word media refers that these are only a medium for information sharing and these are not meant to be time pass, destination or drug. So don’t start hating or continue addiction to these sites instead make the use of these for your own purpose of living! This is not a fed up message, it’s my gift words to my beloved Facebook friends.

  1. I love it when chicks get boyfriends then they change their last name on Facebook to his, you are not even married! After some time they will be broken up and she say, I hate his guts. When that chick does that I will be the first to let you know who it was.
  2. Its funny how all the gorgeous and faithful and caring girls are single and all the other girls are just cuffed. It’s just like that poem I read before: All the boys go for the easy apples at the bottom of the tree, and never realize that the apples at the top of the tree are better.
  3. That awkward moment when you had to be careful of my moustache when drinking!
  4. The very awkward moment when your drunken housemate comes into your room in the middle of the night thinking it’s the toilet and attempts to urinate on your bed.
  5. Why can I walk better when I'm drunk than when I am sober.
  6. That awkward moment when you're in a room full of drunken people you're not drunk!
  7. My body battery is going down. Goodnight and FART out when you are alone and don't feel shy.
  8. If I hit you with these things, they'll make you numb, that why they call them nun chucks.
  9. It will be just me and my duck hunting skills but they keep me busy enough to make time go faster.
  10. 500 dollars to me if I can keep my beard till next year.
  11. I don't think my family has a single conversation anymore. That doesn't somehow come around to and involve a redneck.
  12. I can't handle teen mom for the fact that Janelle is the dumbest piece of shit ever, I can't miss Kesha, she's my idol, Why do you think I got all these feathers in my hair?
  13. I was so excited to find there was a Fakebook.com website, but disappointment quickly set in when I saw it was Sports Illustrated and not about Facebook.
  14. I can fly! I don't need a cape.
  15. We could all become skilled at a thing or two from a house wife.
  16. Willie, you got a bunch of scrubs working for you. I don't want any scrubs, scrubs are out.
  17. Like this if you've had your Facebook account longer than Kim Kardashian Last marriage.
  18. I hate watching Kim Kardashian because it makes me want her even more, but I can't seem to look away.
  19. People, who love you, will always welcome growth and change in your life.
  20. Don’t allow yourself to buy into the lie that things will always be terrible, because that is a terrible lie. Life mimics the world we live in. A storm comes and it goes, it comes and serves its purpose and then it leaves when it is no longer needed. Whatever you are going through is trying to teach you something about yourself, and if you learn the lesson, then it will surely pass.
  21. Who cares if I am crazy? I would rather be crazy and be who I am then be part of what I see going around me. I pray for strength and courage to push myself as far as I can to make a difference.
  22. You can bag me for being different, but I'm proud to be myself.
  23. Don’t give stress to yourself; it’s a rocky road that you don’t want to travel.
  24. Some days, I feel like dying, just to escape the greedy, rude, and objectifying machine of stupidity that all first-world society has become.
  25. Never listen to man speak upon another man or women it sets that person to look dumb for even letting another person effect your life n what you think is right. Do you don't do what they say because they weren't there when you were born and they won't be there when you die.
  26. In all situations you find yourself is a lesson to your life. Sometimes you find yourself on top of the world, sometimes it seems you are finished, even sometimes you may want to take your own life or try to hot yourself in many ways, all are lesson.
  27. Sometimes simply accepting a person for who they are just isn't enough.
  28. There'll be a time when you need to give up a person in spite of your great feelings because love isn't enough to maintain a relationship. Sometimes, you need to full yourself back to your normal life. No risk, no sacrifices, no heartache.
  29. There are surely only two victorious days in a man's life, the day when he was born and the day he discovered the reason why he was born.
  30. There are only two options on how to deal with cyber bullying. Click "Block User" or drink bleach.

I can't understand where people are going with their addiction towards Facebook. Friends are busy putting nonsense updates rather than keeping touch with friends and relatives who we're close to them. Putting updates about ongoing matches or movie videos. We have TV for that please share some sensible and knowledge related stuff. Please don't just tweet only to get lot of likes or to get noticed by friends. Hope someone would like to follow with true heart.

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    • Angilina Victor profile image

      Angilina Victor 6 months ago

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    • Kevina Oyatedor profile image

      kevina oyatedor 3 years ago

      This is hilarious. I have a Facebook but I don't use it like that. I put quotes from books, lyrics and authors on my status sometimes.

    • AudreyHowitt profile image

      Audrey Howitt 3 years ago from California

      Very cute! Facebook is a never ending source of entertainment!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image

      Audrey Howitt 4 years ago from California

      Very cute!

    • The-Quirky-Banana profile image

      The-Quirky-Banana 4 years ago

      I don't have Facebook, but I found this very amusing :)

    • Quoteslover profile image
      Author

      Quotes Lover 4 years ago

      Thanks you all for wonderful responses

    • moonlake profile image

      moonlake 4 years ago from America

      Funny. I spend very little time on facebook but enjoyed your hub. Voted up

    • profile image

      Daisy 4 years ago

      I want really angry status for my today updates on the stupid house of Facebook.

    • Nyamache profile image

      Joshua Nyamache 4 years ago from Kenya

      Hey, you have got great collection :)!

    • profile image

      Timeline Photos 4 years ago

      why get mad over the drama of silly people instead dance and sing around like a weirdo because I want to enjoy life!

    • profile image

      Patrick Mickey 4 years ago

      Somewhere I shall be someday. Enjoy what life gives.

    • profile image

      Nicole Dion 4 years ago

      In life there are lots of ups and downs, obstacles, temptations, struggle, battles both spiritual and physical, discouragement and encouragement, good and bad people, beautiful and ugly people, and all sorts of things that one can ever imagine of. Though she is a small world with lot’s of things and activities going on inside her. If you find yourself in any of these categories, it does not mean that the creator is no more existing or has forgotten about you. No, we are for love so let love lead.

    • profile image

      Tuna Eren 4 years ago

      My dear friends, I pray that your misspoken words are never replaced hour on end on cable news OR that words you've spoken be taken out of context tweeted for the world to see OR your religion or religious beliefs misconstrued in status updates on Facebook to make you look crazy or dangerous. May you never run for President unless you're perfect!

    • profile image

      Jeff Shanks 4 years ago

      Thanks Facebook for notifying me all that stuff that happened on my dissecting the brain status.. and not letting me see it anymore.

    • unknown spy profile image

      IAmForbidden 4 years ago from Neverland - where children never grow up.

      cute and funny :)

    • profile image

      Sarah Engelbrecht 4 years ago

      Na what I hate.. People who post pictures of child abuse onto Facebook and put 'like to show your against child abuse, ignore - you don't care.' Putting gruesome disturbing pictures of young children to get likes purely so they feel popular and 'socially accepted'. And what's worse, all the thick dumb who actually like the picture. It's disgusting how attention seeking people actually are. They deserve hung as much as the scum who could actually do that to a child.. Tossers.

    • profile image

      Charles Sunstroke 4 years ago

      I've been out of town for 4 weeks up at Alma Michigan no internet and very hard to check my Facebook I really hate to see how many email I have in my mailbox.

    • profile image

      Sandra Irene 4 years ago

      I hate Facebook I want to delete it It starts drama. But, I can't. I've had it for years And I'd leave my whole life behind. It's a scrapbook. That I can see and talk to me "friends" on. I came up with something to fix it all. I'm just going to be antisocial. It sounds stupid. But. If it keeps me happy, and alive. I'm willing to do it. So. Message me if you ever want to talk. I WILL respond. But I will never, ever, start a chat.

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