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I’m With Oprah On The No Phone Zone When Driving

Updated on February 22, 2010


I’m not one of those people who think that Oprah can and will save the world. I don’t care if she’s gotten fat or having trouble staying in shape and I certainly don’t care about that no talent leech of a friend, Gayle King but on one thing (at least) I’m with Oprah big time. I’m with Oprah on the No Phone Zone when driving – Don’t Get Me Started!

I used to be one of the worst people in the world about being on my cell phone when driving. I used to drive around in cities I didn’t know on the cell phone thinking that the business deal I was doing at the moment would surely crash and burn if I wasn’t on the phone with someone at every point of my day. I was addicted. Then when the Blackberry came out, forget about it. I could text, email and talk all at the same time. My spouse has always been against the whole cell phone constant access thing and he refused to let me be on the phone when I’m in the car with him a long time ago. He was convinced that the world would not stop spinning on its axis if I didn’t answer my phone. For the longest time I resisted, assuring him that now with the Bluetooth headset that I could easily keep my hands at 9 and 3 on the steering wheel (do they even still teach the steering wheel as a clock?) and talk away. But I was wrong. On more than one occasion I found myself drifting from one lane to the next while stupidly thinking I was completely in control of the situation. It reminds me of a party we threw in my third grade class. I was in charge of the decorations and everything else (no surprise I suppose) so there I was riding my ten speed bike to school with no hands on the handlebars because in my hands I was carrying the piñata that I had stuffed with a girl named Roxanne the day before (she thought she was my girlfriend but I thought of her more as my assistant) and two glass liters of Coke (back when they made them in glass, not plastic). As the bike was falling, it seemed like slow motion as I held the piñata up so as to not harm a tissue paper hair on the donkey’s head. Crash went the glass liters of Coke and as I lay there in the gutter watching the Coke spill out and past me I couldn’t help but feel like Janet Leigh in Psycho. I should have learned back then that when you’re driving (even just on a bike) it’s best to stay focused at the task at hand.

So after Oprah made her big show about how we’re all driving drunk basically when driving and texting and talking I decided to put the phone away (for the most part). I talk to one friend on the phone on my way into the office in the morning but as she is someone who talks “at” you and you never get a word in edgewise I don’t see this as really talking and driving, I’m just listening and driving as if the radio was on and telling me the intimate details of its life. Now that I’m phone free I’ve become worse than a smoker who stops smoking. I’m amazed at the morons out there who are still texting away while driving. Don’t they know Queen Oprah has spoken? And can someone please explain to me why the assholes who are texting and driving think that the right hand lane is for them? Have you noticed how the texters are always driving really slowly in the right hand lane as if like an express lane, this is some sort of special lane for people who are multi-tasking? Guess what dickhead, it’s still a lane that other people are driving (and turning in) so get the fuck off your phone and start paying attention to your shitty driving.

My guy is always saying that if anyone should ever hit him or anyone he loves (I usually assume that after twenty-one years I fall into this category) that the person who hits us better not be on a phone. He’s all ready thought it out enough to say that he will subpoena the driver’s phone records and kill them (but not necessarily in that order). Bottom line here is that it really isn’t safe to be doing two people or things at once, something always suffers. So though I’m not usually a go-alonger, this time, Oprah, I’m with you. I’m with Oprah on the No Phone Zone when driving – Don’t Get Me Started!

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    • LaVieja profile image

      LaVieja 7 years ago from London