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Just Like My Grandmother Used To Say About Gays, Jesus Is Everywhere (Including Facebook)!

Updated on April 5, 2010


My grandmother would often say to us, “You know the gays, they’re everywhere.” At the time she didn’t know (or maybe she did as I lip synced to a Barbra Streisand record after dinner on most nights) that she was living with one too. Well, as Easter came and went I noticed that just like my grandmother used to say about gays, Jesus is everywhere (including Facebook)! – Don’t Get Me Started!

 Although some would say that I’m just being overly sensitive or that I’m resisting taking Jesus into my heart because I do the ultimate Jesus no-no sin of being a homosexual, I can assure you that I’m fine with those who believe in, walk with and wonder what would Jesus do. My problem comes in when they tell me that I’m somehow wrong and going to an unairconditioned room where they prod you with pitch forks as they refuse to let you hydrate for eternity. (I don’t believe in hell but if I were to believe in it, I think it would look something like those SHAG paintings I adore ever so much.) Believe whatever you want to believe but don’t think for a minute that I have to believe what you believe or that I expect you to believe what I believe, thus the freedom of religion and speech here in America kids. So while you may think you’re doing a great job as a lobbyist for Jesus, I have to tell you that for the most part you’re numbers aren’t polling as good as you think they are for converting people. I’ve got an idea, why don’t you just keep your personal Jesus locked inside your heart, sing his glories at your church and leave those of us who don’t believe in his magical powers alone. Some of us worship his Dad and some of us don’t worship at all but it doesn’t make us second class citizens because George Bush who supposedly spoke to God a lot and he supposedly answered (I have my doubts) is no longer in office.

I know, I know, you’re supposed to shout God’s glory from the mountaintops but be careful because it’s annoying to a lot of us and we just might be behind you getting ready to push you down that mountain. What I found interesting as Easter grew near were all the people who on Facebook suddenly became quite the spreaders of Jesus (I’ll take mine on a nice cracker please with a nice red wine). Suddenly everyone seemed to have something to say on Jesus’ behalf on their status. I read one that simply amazed me. After going on for several lines it talked about the fact that Jesus was thinking about all of us as he was on the cross. Now I don’t know about you but I have a strong feeling that Jesus, while he may have been a great man, probably had other things on his mind while on the cross. After all, he was a Jew, right? I think he was thinking, “Oy, this sun is so hot it’s like Florida in August, they couldn’t have picked a nicer day? Who is that on the cross next to me? Ach, I never liked him and now I have to listen to him moan on his cross like I’m not on one too and mine let me tell you has so many splinters I feel like a porcupine! And what’s with this crown of thorns, it doesn’t go with anything I’m wearing and it’s digging into my forehead like nobody’s business.” Maybe he wasn’t thinking all those things but I don’t know that he was thinking of me or you or anyone other than the people who had put him there or the pain he was experiencing. Along with the status someone posted that I mentioned above, a lot of people chose to quote sections of the bible on their status or take the plus sign usually associated with math and use it as a keyboard cross on their postings.

I guess it was bound to happen. I guess Jesus is too big a celebrity not to hit the Internet. After all, there are Facebook pages dedicated to Marilyn Monroe, James Dean and a host of other celebs who died too soon. And I suppose that Jesus falls into that category. But somehow after reading all these people go on and on about Jesus on their Facebook status it made me long for the days when they just posted stupid crap about their kids, what they were eating or the fact that they needed a new tractor in Farmville. Just like my grandmother used to say about gays, Jesus is everywhere (including Facebook)! – Don’t Get Me Started!

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    • somelikeitscott profile image

      somelikeitscott 7 years ago from Las Vegas

      De Greek, so right about the not giving "them" fodder. But somewhere along the way my "Censor" button seems to have gone on the fritz and since it was no longer under warranty I just never got around to getting it fixed. Thanks, as always for your grand encouragement! (And Lisa's too)

    • De Greek profile image

      De Greek 7 years ago from UK

      Scott, you have arrived. You have the seal of approval of my friend Lisa, so what else could you possibly want. :-)

      You are a clever boy and I love your work. Just don't give cause to the maniacs. You might want to reconsider your phrase "we just might be behind you getting ready to push you down that mountain".

      Both Lisa and I get emotional at times, but we could not hurt a fly and I am sure you also are not the type to push anyone off a mountain. So why give them the opportunity to use it?

      Otherwise, wonderful stuff as always. You are a good boy.

    • lisadpreston profile image

      lisadpreston 7 years ago from Columbus, Ohio

      P.S. I'm sure I'll be kicked off hubpages for the comment I left on a hub concerning the catholic church and the popes. It wasn't very nice but I refuse to apologize.

    • lisadpreston profile image

      lisadpreston 7 years ago from Columbus, Ohio

      Great hub Scott. I feel as you do on many religious ideaologies. If I were going to be a Christian which I'm not, I would at least try and get my Bible facts straight. Jesus was a Hebrew. Last I checked there was no J in the Hebrew language, not even ours until the 1600's. The bible says there is only salvation in his name so they should at least get that right. Yahweh, Elohim, Yahshua.

      Nature shows too many examples of same sex orientation. So God must approve of homosexuality since he created it. And if George Bush was talking to God, well, give me the devil anyday. I don't want to go to heaven and be with all the hypocrit christians so whats my alternative? I'd pick hell for sure.