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People of Facebook

Updated on August 5, 2016

If it wasn't already, Facebook has quickly become a wasteland for all the things I despise in life. Why don't I delete, you ask? I constantly find myself wondering the same thing. But like a train wreck, I just can't look away. My disintegrating sense of humor and self worth just keeps bringing me back for more; I can't not look. In my time on FB, I've come to the consensus that there are a few categories that most of the people there can fall into. Some of these categories may be more obnoxious, for lack of a better word, than others, but here goes.


The Rapper

I've heard, on more than one occasion, if you ever feel bad about yourself and what you have or have not accomplished, just remember that there is always some guy who is still in the recording studio he set up in his mother's basement trying to make it as a rap artist. His profile picture is probably him, stood in front of a dirty mirror, in a long white t-shirt, with some poorly photoshopped self promotion adorning the corner of the picture. Demos and singles seem to be a regular appearance on their timeline and, to be honest, he probably isn't that bad! If only he was born a few decades earlier... If only, if only...

The Political Expert


Luckily, this character only comes out of the woodwork for a few seasons every several years, kind of like a cicada. Both are a bane to my existence in their own unique way. Every election cycle is filled with its share of political conspiracies, rants, and complaints; I'm guilty of partaking in the spread of a few meme-esque posts, even one polite rant I can put my finger on. Let's face it, though, Tiny Hands "Turn Off the Lights" Trump is quite entertaining. I just can't resist.

In my personal opinion, which is pretty much irrelevant, I think that more than one or two strongly worded, argumentative posts on Facebook is just too much. Constantly sharing tin foil hat posts about the left, right, and center just makes you seem a bit batty. Regardless of how accurate or believable they are, and there are a few I buy into, but there is a time and a place. The place being anywhere but social media and the time being not constantly.


The Death Watcher

For a long time I sat alone, wondering if I was paranoid, if I was blowing things out of proportion and if I was purely imagining the amount of death announcements a select few people tended to make on Facebook. After speaking with a few friends about this subject I realized that we all have at least one proverbial raven on our friend's list, keeping a vigilant eye on the obituary.

Do they sit on Google constantly refreshing the same search question of "Who just died?"? We may never know. All I know is that they consistently inform me of celebrity and local deaths before any major news source does, and that is pretty darn impressive.

And if you don't like it, get the hell off my Facebook!

The "IDGAF What You Say!" Person

If we don't have one on our friend's list, it is because we have several on there. Everyone has experienced that "What the hell did I just read" feeling after happening across a too long, too offensive, too heavily dotted with cuss words post that probably stepped on several toes, and it probably ended with something like, "And if you don't like it, get the hell off my Facebook!" We probably should do just that, but the attraction to dangerous things is far too great. You constantly have to battle with your inner, sharp tongued self over whether or not to state your, much more tame, case. But you've seen the damage done to others who have dared to cross that line so you stay in your place. Arguing with brick walls is pointless, and you live to challenge opinions another day.

The Explicit Picture Sharer

This person regularly makes you mentally "!?!?" with their emoji encrypted, explicit statuses and the oddly revealing, and pretty disgusting, pictures they share. Why I can't unfriend them is beyond me, it's a gross attraction really, as most of the people on this list seem to be. My grandmother is friends with me on Facebook, as is my father's entire uber religious family. It isn't that I care what they think about me, I just have to respect their opinion on certain matters.That fact stops me from posting my political opinion in a serious manner as well as my pictures from Friday night, so I don't understand where these exceedingly explicit people get off.

That feeling when people tell you that you NEED to try their revolutionary product.
That feeling when people tell you that you NEED to try their revolutionary product. | Source

The Skin Care Lady

You cannot unfriend this person, no matter the amount of pestering and harassment they send you because, well, they are probably one of your actual friends. That's the tragic thing with these self made business people,the fever can get any of us. It even had me in its ugly grip for a few weeks, but we all learn from our mistakes and that is all you can do.

I'm not a very abrasive person, or one to harass and make people dread my appearance on purpose, so I gave up my gun rather quickly. Some people don't have a sense of "Wow, maybe I'm getting on everyone's nerves," or knowledge of when enough is enough, and maybe I'm hypersensitive to that stuff, but come on. A simple 'no' should get the job done. It should.


Facebook is a melting pot for people of all backgrounds, but it is social media after all, not a diary. Just remember that everyone is watching you when you make some of these outlandish posts, always watching and always judging.


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