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Sheeple Bill of Rights

Updated on December 3, 2015

We The Sheeple... of the United States, in attempt to dissolve an already less than perfect union, do ordain and establish this Constitution of Social Media Savagery.

Article I:

We have the right to say what we want. If you disagree, disprove, condemn, or otherwise refute what we have to say, we can/will respond with Caps Lock on, bold letters, or a meme that proves our point, because memes are made on the internet, which is filtered for accuracy. Any admission to believing in a God that is not ours will be met with equal ferocity, followed by taking scripture out of context to prove we are right.

Article II:

Our militia of well-armed doomsdayers will regularly post pictures of closets full of assault rifles. We don't hunt, we just want to be prepared so that if we want to become famous, we can just shoot up a public place and claim to be crazy. Also, we have to have a full arsenal ready just in case one of us decides to invoke our GOD GIVEN RIGHT to do the Stone Cold Stunner on an unsuspecting cop, and gets shot in the process.

Article III:

Any and all reasonable attempts will be made to relate a debate of any kind to Veterans. This is especially true when discussing bailouts or relief efforts for people other than Vets. Also, if anyone protests war or the use of our military we have the right to "make them famous".

Article IV:

Cops are evil and have no right to to search, detain, question, seize, or look at us, ever. This is especially true when one of our own is breaking the law. It is our right to break the law without the cops butting in.

Article V:

All arrests are unreasonable, and shall be proven as such via cell phone footage by a random person on the street. Any evidence against one of our own is either faked by dirty (i.e. ALL) cops or is inadmissible. Also, we have the right to lie to police, media, the judge, and even Jesus about what transpired, in an attempt to start a race/religious civil war.

Article VI:

All criminals have the right to have Johnny Cochran as their lawyer, and will be tried in front of a jury of their closest friends. Anything short of this is a mistrial.

Article VII:

If we don't get the decision we want in court, the Supreme Court better overturn it, any other decision is prejudicial or bigoted in some way.

Article VIII:

Bail shall not be set at more than the contents of a person's front pockets. Cops touching us is considered unnecessary roughness on a poor defenseless <insert race here> person and is punishable by a 15 yard penalty, mass media coverage, and finally being shot to death by our militia of bazooka and AR-15 wielding psychopaths. The death penalty shall not be used in any case. Only WE have the right to kill people, and it is important that it is done in a public setting with potential for collateral damage.

Article IX:

We have an unenumerated right to smoke pot because alcohol was legalized like 90 years ago or something.

Article X:

All rights and laws not covered by the Constitution, instead of being decided by the states, shall become a platform for protests via media sources, social media, and political debates. Anyone disagreeing with our view on one of these issues has the right to move to Canada, because they are then considered a suspected terrorist, or at least a bigot.

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