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Step By Step Guide To Ordering A Dell PC: $61,750 Into Dell Hell

Updated on January 17, 2009

Part 9

First of all, if you are not personally competent enough to do this, you shouldn't be allowed out of your padded room and anywhere near a computer. But even if the thought of plugging in a couple of USBs, a speaker plug, and a DVI connector causes you to break into a cold sweat, don't you think that you can find a local geek to do it for $50 or even much less? It's just a few minutes' work for cryin' out loud!

Where Dell delves even further into hilarious comedy is with their Online Data Storage options, which include:

Dell Online Backup 100GB for 1 year [add $59]

Wow, that sounds great, doesn't it? You can avoid all the trouble of having an external hard drive off site, bringing it back and forth, etc. etc. etc. and you can get for a measly $59 a whole 100 gigabyte of storage on Dell's servers! So all you have to do is to just upload your 100 GB of precious data and it will be nice and safe! Great, huh?

Well, there are a couple of problems with this. First of all, the day that I upload my archive files with all my passwords, bank info, identification, etc. is the day that they drag me off to get that lobotomy that I've avoided for all these years. But the bigger problem is the amount of data. You're going to upload 100 gigabyte? On a conventional DSL or cable modem line? Do you have any idea how long that will take you?

Most people are lucky to be able to upload 3 GB in a 24 hour period which means that it would take over a month of nonstop uploading to do just one 100 GB backup! Let's not even mention the fact that many ISPs have total traffic limits! Some ISPs in my area only allow you a total of 5 GB per month total upload and download! That is overly miserly, but some of the larger outfits will still limit you to around 30 GB total, and some to 5 GB of uploads!

Let's say you exceed that monthly limit of 5 GB upload, they will charge you per megabyte for everything over that limit. Since the local ISP will hit you up for a staggering 5 cents per MB (yes, MB, not GB), if you were to upload 100 GB during one month, you would receive a bill for overlimit charges of $4,750! Now let's say you were nuts enough to do it for all thirteen months of your Dell Online Backup Service, it would only cost you $61,750 which in many places around the country will buy you a decent foreclosed house, and in some places will buy you a dozen decent foreclosed houses. Don't laugh too loud, you would be surprised how many people have traffic limits and similar overlimit charges on their internet broadband service and don't even know about it... until it's too late!

All of a sudden that Dell Online Backup 100GB for 1 year [add $59] doesn't look so good, huh?

Next: The Harmer In The Dell

Or Start From The Beginning Again

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