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Stop The Tivo I Want To Get Off

Updated on October 9, 2009


When Tivo began it seemed as though it was the greatest invention ever. Sort of how I imagine everyone felt about television when it began and then when it went to color. It was like suddenly seeing everything you wanted to see the way you wanted to see it, right? But now that my Tivo is filling up with one two hour long reality show after the other what I find it that the only way to get through all that recorded programming is to become a prisoner in my home on weekends and/or weeknights, sitting firmly planted on the sofa while wishing that the stars could get through their dancing a little faster, that the desperate housewives could somehow sum up their weekly issues in thirty minutes instead of the forty (this includes time for fast forwarding the commercials) so that I could have a life again. Stop the Tivo I want to get off! – Don’t Get Me Started!

What is undoubtedly a great invention has turned into a Frankenstein of sorts in my home. I find myself desperately trying to watch everything I’ve Tivo’d before the next episode of it comes on the following week and then God forbid if something is happening real time on television because I don’t see it…ever. I’m chained to that small box that holds all of my shows. The other problem is that mine came with the cable company so it’s a Tivo wannabe along the lines of a Berbie doll (don’t know if they ever made these but I’m sure there was a Barbie knock off somewhere at some point, you get the idea). And although the cable company is supposed to know when shows take place and their length, I’ve yet to see the end of countless shows because it cuts off because the show goes a minute longer and apparently the cable company and/or my DVR doesn’t know about it or whatever. ARGHHH!

The latest invention in Marketing has caused even more problems for me. Those of you who watch Desperate Housewives will know what I’m talking about. They’re a new breed of commercials that they’ve created that have the same sort of look, feel and music of the television programming that you’re watching so to the untrained eye, even when fast forwarding through a show, you’ll stop because you think it’s “Bree having sex with Susan’s ex” when in fact it’s really just some unknown people who aren’t having sex they’re just talking on their Sprint phones and talking about it. Ugh.

I used to treat my Tivo/DVR like a hot nightclub. You know how there’s a fire code occupancy limit and that sometimes they don’t let anyone in until someone leaves? Well, that’s been my policy, if American Idol finished its season then So You Think You Can Dance could take its place. But with more and more shows seemingly producing seasons that go back to back what are you supposed to do when Dancing With The Stars is on the same time as Biggest Loser AND So You Think You Can Dance? That alone (If you can record all three at the same time, which I can’t on my Tervo) can create up to 6 hours of viewing from a single night. I don’t have six hours every night nor do I want to have six hours every night when I’m sitting in front of my television feeling my waistline get larger and larger.

At first I blamed the shows, what’s with there being sixteen stars on Dancing With The Stars? I thought it was too many when they started the season with 12 celebrities but sixteen? Come on, that makes more two hour episodes (no show needs to be over an hour, if it is we used to call that a miniseries), more weeks of the show and more viewing I don’t have the time or energy to view. If I’m feeling this way, what must the people who also record Oprah every day and the like be feeling? Meanwhile no wonder soap operas are dying, who has the time to watch your daytime shows at night when there’s six hours of nighttime programming to watch every night too? If you do the math for just weekdays, by the weekend you have a minimum of 30 hours of programming to watch every weekend. According to studies for healthy living, you’re only supposed to watch an hour or two of television a night. Is it any wonder why America is obese? If you’re sitting there (and let’s face it, after an hour you lay down) watching television for thirty hours, there’s bound to be some consuming of peanuts, pretzels, ice cream and worse when you’re fast forwarding through the commercials to try and get to the next segment of the fatties trying to sweat it off on Biggest Loser right?

As I sat last night being totally frustrated that I was wasting an entire evening watching show after show, not taking phone calls from people I actually know and aren’t on reality shows and ignored my cats I thought this is completely crazy, I’ve lost all control and I hate it. So, I’m taking a tip from the Hoarders show before they get cured, I’m going to start hoarding my own time for doing things other than television. I don’t care what it is, it could be actually having a pen meet the paper to write an actual letter to someone I know, it could be walking around the block, it could be brushing my cats more or whatever but like any drug, once it gets into my system I can’t stop. So instead of coming home and turning the television on, I’m going to create a plan of attack for the night, decide what I will and won’t watch on television and hopefully feel more motivated about my own reality show that is my life instead of watching the antics of the scripted and non-scripted on television! Stop the Tivo I want to get off! – Don’t Get Me Started!

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    • George J Hardy profile image

      George J Hardy 7 years ago from Southern New Jersey

      Well said and good point too. Perhaps it can also be said about those of us who resort to their computers as a daily fix; that would be me. I`m the one who said to the wife " what to we need a computer for ?"; for shame!