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Top 10 Epic Phail PC Technologies: Vista

Updated on May 25, 2009

To apply the vernacular of the modern online PC enthusiast: Vista is an Epic Phail. Why?

My habitual Hub readers will not be surprised at my vehemence against Vista. I have railed against Microsoft's bastard step child pretty well since its inception. The original versions of Vista, before SP1 fixed at least a few of the most glaring stupidities under the hood, was borderline unusable.

Don't agree? Then tell you what. Why don't you install it right from your CD, don't upgrade it to SP1 and start copying a few 100 MB files from one hard drive to the next. By the time you're done, Windows 77 will have been issued!

Vista's release should make the primary textbook example as to how to not release a major new product. Even before its launch, Microsoft savagely and viciously deknockered it by removing some of the most promising technologies which were supposed to be technological keystones such as WinFS, and adding on unnecessarily restrictive kernel protections that made development for the Operating System akin to performing rectal surgery on yourself.

Let's not even begin to address the issue that at the time that Vista was released, only an absolutely tiny percentage of personal computer systems in use would score much higher than about a 2.0 (if that) on the Vista Experience Index which equates to a Vomit Experience which has likely caused more hair to be pulled out in sheer frustration than any other single factor in IT history.

The absurd nonchalance that the first versions of Vista demonstrated towards the majority of drivers on the market was palpable. Through this shocking Phailure, Vista has now become to mean Drivers Don't Work.

Then I have three little words for you that are guaranteed to drive any self respecting computer user out of his ever loving mind: User Account Control. Even when you manage to dig through the Draconian hierarchy to turn this evil beast off, it still keeps bugging you on every startup and keeps on emblazoning your System Tray with a big red X shield!

Microsoft has been widely criticized for the promulgation of so many variants of Vista, but what about their issuance of the outrageously overpriced Vista Ultimate by promising a whole bunch of exclusive and valuable Extras that would be released on an ongoing basis? A total, complete, and premeditated lie: Such a jaw dropping utter bald faced fib, that I'm frankly surprised that Vista Ultimate owners haven't banded together and class action suited Microsoft into bankruptcy.

As I stated, I have been a long time Vista detractor and only have Vista 64 on my main Core i7 system in the anxious wait for the Windows 7 RTM. Here is a medley of my previous hits:

  • There are over 100 background services running in Vista. Most of them do nothing but slow you down.
  • A monstrous Operating System which requires a jaw-dropping 15GB of free hard drive space just to install.
  • Yes, there have been reports of Vista running on 512MB RAM, but those were likely only run by the Microsoft Masochist Membership.
  • Vista's ReadyBoost is a complete waste of time.
  • Vista has a built-in disabling of functionality that it will exercise whenever it chooses with absolutely no input from you, nor any way to override it.
  • A total of $81,151,170,832.00 of wasted employee time in installing and booting up Vista just once a day.
  • How can Vista be defended when even Intel rejects it?

One of my true gems:

  • Vista should have been pulled from the market at RTM stage, let alone once it was released: Microsoft's Clown Executive Orifice, the rather appropriately named Mr. Ball-me-r, has failed to understand that, just like he must have skipped class the day they taught how not to be an asinine, moronic, fatuous, harebrained, imbecilic, screwball bozo in front of the cameras when you have the number one executive job on the planet.

And my conclusion:

  • There is essentially no technological reason why XP's successor could not have been Windows Seven which is a far more capable, faster, and compact Operating System. It's what Vista should have been!

Epic, epic, epic, superepic, megaepic, hyperepic Phail!

Continued in:

Top 10 Epic Phail PC Technologies: Voice Recognition

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    • Hal Licino profile imageAUTHOR

      Hal Licino 

      9 years ago from Toronto

      Thanks, Gypsy Willow. I appreciate your kind comments! :)

    • Gypsy Willow profile image

      Gypsy Willow 

      9 years ago from Lake Tahoe Nevada USA , Wales UK and Taupo New Zealand

      So funny! I don't think you like it. Great hubs keep em comin!


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