ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Whi i won't bui an iPhone

Updated on July 13, 2008
iPhone... big deal. No thanks!
iPhone... big deal. No thanks!
 

Gollygeewhillikers! The new iPhone is improved, costs less and is the ultimate bling accessory that you simply must flash at the corporate boardroom or night club otherwise be considered a retro throwback to the era of telephone operators with plug switchboards who probably has a pink 1961 Volkswagen Van parked out front, is wearing a 5 inch wide Peter Max tie, bellbottom tie dyed jeans, and thinks that email is when you notice that for the first time this month someone wrote you a letter. Eeeee! Mail!

So why would I rather light my BBQ with a couple of hundred dollar bills than buy an iPhone? Because it's all flash, no substance, and I need one as much as I need another hole in my head.

I have a cell phone. When I'm away from my desk and I actually want to be reachable, I even manage to turn it on. Most of the times that I'm not at my desk, people can just damn well email me. I'll reply promptly when I get back. I still don't understand why I have to sit there squinting at a tiny screen poking around with my thumbs when I can type over 90 wpm, so I don't text. It's inefficient and just a plain stupid way to communicate. If you haven't guessed that I don't firmly reside right smack dab in the middle of iPhone's ultimate demographic, you're not paying attention.

What is an iPhone good for? Not much. If I pay ten bucks to see a movie I want to experience it on a screen as wide as an airplane hangar, not a tiny credit-card sized piece of plastic. Same thing with web surfing. I'm saving my pennies to buy a ViewSonic 28" flatscreen for my desktop system. Why would I want to navigate around the web on something smaller than a playing card? Besides, even on the 3G network, connection speeds are sluglike as compared to my home ADSL.

I always know where I am and where I'm going, so for me GPS stands for Great Pointless System. I have an 8GB mp3 player and not only do I rarely use it since I can't stand pods in my ears, but I'll be damned if I have to go out and repurchase my entire music collection in Apple's proprietary format. Furthermore, why should I carry around this big, expensive, glossy brick when my cell phone is less than a third as big?

My fingers are the size of breakfast sausages. If I try to hit a tiny icon on the iPhone screen, I'm going to activate the other four around it. Besides, ask any lady you know with nice long fingernails if they can do anything with an iPhone at all. It seems that Mr. Jobs may be the last Chauvinist on Earth as his precious touch features can't be activated by ladies who have anything but close-cropped fingernails. Blatant discrimination!

But... oh yeah... it impresses the teenage chicks. Yeah. That's the reason to buy an iPhone: As Jailbait Bait.

 

Check out hundreds of Hal's PC Technology articles in these categories:

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • Hal Licino profile image
      Author

      Hal Licino 8 years ago from Toronto

      Yes, I'll even have Q equip the helicopter with rocket boosters, stealth technology, and of course, a bar to serve vodka martinis shaken not stirred. :)

    • quicksand profile image

      quicksand 8 years ago

      Wow! Just like in the James Bond movies! This is life! I'll start clicking straight away! Thanks a lot! :)

    • Hal Licino profile image
      Author

      Hal Licino 8 years ago from Toronto

      Oh, sorry about that! Next time we'll bring you a cake without anything but frosting on it, and we'll meet you in the yard with a helicopter and a long rope ladder! :)

    • quicksand profile image

      quicksand 8 years ago

      OK! I am quite used to it! On one occasion I mistook the file for a wafer and I ate it! Now I don't need iron tablets for the rest of my life!

      The next time I wont. Agreed! ... but can I have the cake well in advance? ... without a file embedded in it? :)

    • Hal Licino profile image
      Author

      Hal Licino 8 years ago from Toronto

      Unfortunately, although I've had plenty of adventures in my life, being in jail has not been one of them. I strongly doubt I would survive the first night. So you'll have to do the whole 20 years. But I'll bring you a cake on visitor's day with a nice sharp file hidden in it! :)

    • quicksand profile image

      quicksand 8 years ago

      We'll share the 20 years. I'll do 19.99437, and you serve the balance! After all it was I who clicked! :lol:

    • Hal Licino profile image
      Author

      Hal Licino 8 years ago from Toronto

      Thanks! Now don't you DARE click on any of those links or the FTC might come after me for not having an official disclosure on this Hub and I could end up doing 20 years of hard time! :)

    • quicksand profile image

      quicksand 8 years ago

      Checked it out. :)

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: "https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr"

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)