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Business of Facebook (I mean monkey business)
The past few months I went a little wild and did some crazy stuff (for a 37 year old) and happened to post them on my Facebook page. Below are a list of my postings including 8 specific ones you must avoid. As a result of my mistakes I was told that even though I was qualified and interviewed well for the position, my Facebook postings were more than they could handle. Please don't repeat my dumb mistakes. If I have helped just one person, my lens is worth it's weight in gold.
January 6, 2009: Boss tells me that due to the economy I am being let go, this sucks!
January 7, 2009: Went out with the guys for a few beers last night. I had one too many and before I know it I am demanding that they drive me to my old manager's house. I took my kid's Louisville Slugger out of the trunk and bashed in his mailbox. Caught it on video!
Facebook mistake #1. Never upload videos of vandalism to your page. This is especially true if you are the vandal.
February 8 2009: The wife and kids are getting a little tired of me moping around the house all day. An innocent comment from my wife about finding a new job turns into a huge fight.
Facebook mistake #2. Stay away from postings like, "My wife is a miserable b*tch." And, "she says I need to get a job...well she needs to get a friggin life!" Potential employers will see this as hostile behavior.
March 7, 2009: My wife (well ex-wife) are finalizing divorce papers, ugh! Just gave my kids a kiss and am heading over to my new apartment which is conveniently located above Mr. Kim's House of Noodles.
March 31. 2009: Haven't left the apartment in two weeks, I adopted a pet I found behind the dumpster. I believe it is a groundhog or something like that. I named him Buford. Things got a little crazy at the bar last night, got so drunk I don't remember much of the evening...lmao
Facebook mistake #3. Don't post passed out drunken pictures of yourself. You could be a great job candidate but if they see you with LOSER, and GLEN BECK 4 PREZ written on your face in sharpie, they will most likely reject you for the position.
April 15, 2009: Who knew you could get arrested for running across Wrigley Park naked! Check out the photo!
Facebook mistake #4. Should you get photographed being arrested, don't upload as your profile picture.
May 5, 2009: Cinco De Mayo is in full effect and with my relaxed schedule I'm starting the festivities early. Buford just threw up from eating too much fried ice cream. I'm in no mood to clean it up. Heading over to the bar to host quizzo. Owner wants me show up in devil face paint for some reason.
Facebook mistake #5. Don't post a picture of yourself painted like the devil, double fisting Corona's with arms around two girls, tongue stuck out for extra emphasis and holding what appears to be a cigarette.
June 16, 2009: The ex-wife wants to know why my child support checks are bouncing like super balls. Btw, she found out I became a delivery man for Mr Kim's House of Noodles. My ex and her new boyfriend are always ordering deliver when I'm working!!!
Facebook mistake #6. Never post a picture of poop on your ex-wife's new boyfriend's BMW hood with key marks below that read, "EAT MY FECES"
July 4, 2009: What should have been a happy Fourth of July turned out to be a day of tragedy. I found Buford in the tub and he was unresponsive. After several hours of CPR, I threw in the towel. Maybe it was the diet of noodles and egg rolls or maybe he was just old, but I knew he was in a better place.
Facebook mistake #7 Try not to upload pictures of a dead groundhog (or any pet) in a tub with the caption, "Today, I lost the only person in this world who understood me. I am very unstable and could just go off at any moment, I friggin swear!" This may seem like normal behavior to someone who just lost a pet, but trust me, human resource geeks don't think this is a normal grieving process.
July 16, 2009: Child support checks are still bouncing and I'm inches away from going to jail. I applied for an an accounts receivable position and I got an interview.
July 23, 2009: I'm pretty sure I aced the interview today. Waiting to hear back from them in a few days.
Facebook mistake #8. After your initial interview don't write on wall, "Hope I get this job. The pay is so so, the boss seems like a clown, but the secretary is smokin hot. And from what I can tell, I don't think they would notice if I "borrowed" a few extra office supplies for my home office.