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Facebook Mistakes

Updated on October 26, 2013

Business of Facebook (I mean monkey business)

The past few months I went a little wild and did some crazy stuff (for a 37 year old) and happened to post them on my Facebook page. Below are a list of my postings including 8 specific ones you must avoid.  As a result of my mistakes I was told that even though I was qualified and interviewed well for the position, my Facebook postings were more than they could handle.  Please don't repeat my dumb mistakes.  If I have helped just one person, my lens is worth it's weight in gold.  

January 6, 2009: Boss tells me that due to the economy I am being let go, this sucks!

January 7, 2009: Went out with the guys for a few beers last night. I had one too many and before I know it I am demanding that they drive me to my old manager's house. I took my kid's Louisville Slugger out of the trunk and bashed in his mailbox.  Caught it on video!

Facebook mistake #1.  Never upload videos of vandalism to your page.  This is especially true if you are the vandal.

February 8 2009: The wife and kids are getting a little tired of me moping around the house all day. An innocent comment from my wife about finding a new job turns into a huge fight.

Facebook mistake #2. Stay away from postings like,  "My wife is a miserable b*tch."  And, "she says I need to get a job...well she needs to get a friggin life!"  Potential employers will see this as hostile behavior.  

March 7, 2009: My wife (well ex-wife) are finalizing divorce papers, ugh! Just gave my kids a kiss and am heading over to my new apartment which is conveniently located above Mr. Kim's House of Noodles.

March 31. 2009: Haven't left the apartment in two weeks, I adopted a pet I found behind the dumpster. I believe it is a groundhog or something like that. I named him Buford. Things got a little crazy at the bar last night, got so drunk I don't remember much of the evening...lmao

Facebook mistake #3. Don't post passed out drunken pictures of yourself.  You could be a great job candidate but if they see you with LOSER, and GLEN BECK 4 PREZ written on your face in sharpie, they will most likely reject you for the position.

April 15, 2009: Who knew you could get arrested for running across Wrigley Park naked!  Check out the photo!

Facebook mistake #4.  Should you get photographed being arrested, don't upload as your profile picture.

May 5, 2009: Cinco De Mayo is in full effect and with my relaxed schedule I'm starting the festivities early. Buford just threw up from eating too much fried ice cream. I'm in no mood to clean it up. Heading over to the bar to host quizzo.  Owner wants me show up in devil face paint for some reason.

Facebook mistake #5. Don't post a picture of yourself painted like the devil, double fisting Corona's with arms around two girls,  tongue stuck out for extra emphasis and holding what appears to be a cigarette.  

June 16, 2009: The ex-wife wants to know why my child support checks are bouncing like super balls. Btw, she found out I became a delivery man for Mr Kim's House of Noodles. My ex and her new boyfriend are always ordering deliver when I'm working!!!

Facebook mistake #6. Never post a picture of poop on your ex-wife's new boyfriend's BMW hood with key marks below that read, "EAT MY FECES"

July 4, 2009: What should have been a happy Fourth of July turned out to be a day of tragedy. I found Buford in the tub and he was unresponsive. After several hours of CPR, I threw in the towel. Maybe it was the diet of noodles and egg rolls or maybe he was just old, but I knew he was in a better place.

Facebook mistake #7 Try not to upload pictures of a dead groundhog (or any pet) in a tub with the caption, "Today, I lost the only person in this world who understood me. I am very unstable and could just go off at any moment, I friggin swear!"  This may seem like normal behavior to someone who just lost a pet, but trust me, human resource geeks don't think this is a normal grieving process.

July 16, 2009: Child support checks are still bouncing and I'm inches away from going to jail. I applied for an an accounts receivable position and I got an interview.

July 23, 2009: I'm pretty sure I aced the interview today. Waiting to hear back from them in a few days.

Facebook mistake #8. After your initial interview don't write on wall, "Hope I get this job. The pay is so so, the boss seems like a clown, but the secretary is smokin hot. And from what I can tell, I don't think they would notice if I "borrowed" a few extra office supplies for my home office.  

Great Stuff on Amazon

What did you want to post on FB but were too afraid?

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    • AstroGremlin profile image

      AstroGremlin 5 years ago

      I wanted to admit that I fly my spacecraft while texting, which statistically shortens my lifespan by 23 years.

    • darciefrench lm profile image

      darciefrench lm 5 years ago

      What a perfect example of facebook consciousness - I deactivated my account after I grew tired of watching fools dig bigger holes :)

    • JohnMichael2 profile image

      JohnMichael2 5 years ago

      you can't be serious that you posted all this ... tell me this was fiction

    • greenspirit profile image

      poppy mercer 5 years ago from London

      I'm still weeping for Buford.

    • DANCING COWGIRL profile image

      Dancing Cowgirl Design 6 years ago from Texas

      Cute stuff..and so true. Some of the things people post make me wonder.

    • DANCING COWGIRL profile image

      Dancing Cowgirl Design 6 years ago from Texas

      Cute stuff..and so true. Some of the things people post make me wonder.

    • jadehorseshoe profile image

      jadehorseshoe 6 years ago

      FUN Lens!

    • profile image

      DesignZeal 6 years ago

      Ingenious! I can't remember when I laughed... oops! I meant 'cried' so hard while reading a lens.

    • profile image

      getmoreinfo 6 years ago

      You give a funny way to look at the crazy world we live in, thanks for the laugh.

    • oktalBlizzard profile image

      oktalBlizzard 6 years ago

      This is awesome crazy great!

    • deanna6812 profile image

      deanna6812 6 years ago

      Too funny! I laughed out loud quite a few times. You are quite the vivid story-teller. Love it!

    • mattseefood lm profile image

      mattseefood lm 6 years ago

      Nice tips there! Quite funny tooo thanks :)

    • profile image

      anonymous 6 years ago

      A fun lesson on not throwing caution to the wind on FB and expecting that no one will read it.

    • Paul Ward profile image

      Paul 6 years ago from Liverpool, England

      "HI peeps not been on much lately but have chance of new job so should get in 8 hrs FBing each day soon. Job's with customer services at X Corp so if you thought they were bad now wait until I start ROFLMFAO. Interviewer was a bit po-faced but wait til I get her drunk at the office party LOL"

      In celebration of your new job :)

    • profile image

      anonymous 6 years ago

      Nice lens.Thanks for sharing. Work Plan Platform

    • darciefrench lm profile image

      darciefrench lm 6 years ago

      Love this lens, adding it to Facebook Poetry.

    • JavierMilian profile image

      JavierMilian 6 years ago

      This is too funny!

    • Commandrix profile image

      Heidi 6 years ago from Benson, IL

      Very funny Lens. I guess there are two lessons here: 1) Don't drink and post. 2) If you find some random animal behind your dumpster, call animal control. LOL.

    • dotcomboy profile image

      dotcomboy 6 years ago

      Thanks for the hilarious Lens!

    • auntjennie profile image

      Jen 6 years ago from Canada

      Funny lens. Just started using facebook but somehow I think can manage to stop myself from doing the above:)

    • mysticmama lm profile image

      Bambi Watson 7 years ago

      Hilarious lens ~ Since I'm my own boss, the kids are all grown up & moved out & people who are on my FB friends list already know I'm crazy, outspoken and wysiwyg, I can pretty much post whatever lol...& I usually do lol

    • jmsp206 profile image

      Julia M S Pearce 7 years ago from Melbourne, Australia

      Yes, you have to be careful what you post on FB and also comments and likes.Sometimes I really have to stop and think before I reply to sometime.You never Know!ha

    • Geekgurl profile image

      Kimberly Hiller 7 years ago from Chicago

      Wanting to tell everyone you had tickets to an awesome concert...but you called in sick for work and you'll be screwed the next day. >.>

    • Geekgurl profile image

      Kimberly Hiller 7 years ago from Chicago

      Wanting to tell everyone you had tickets to an awesome concert...but you called in sick for work and you'll be screwed the next day. >.>

    • Paul Ward profile image

      Paul 7 years ago from Liverpool, England

      As a friend found out, if the company receptionist you've been lusting after for ages photocopies her bum whilst drunk at the office party, don't assist her in posting it on Facebook: she won't be so grateful the next day.

    • profile image

      anonymous 7 years ago

      Very funny! as well - "The ex-wife wants to know why my child support checks are bouncing like super balls." - add that to the Stupid Writing Tips lens.

    • profile image

      termit_bronx 7 years ago

      FB could be dangerous :) Great tips! :)

    • Mrmakingusmile LM profile image

      Mrmakingusmile LM 7 years ago

      I'm entertained. Thanks for making me smile.

    • profile image

      anonymous 7 years ago

      wow... i am facebook.. freak.. and to me .. the way you presented it .. is really good.... thumbs up .. liked it.. favouirted it toooooooooo

    • GuyB LM profile image

      GuyB LM 7 years ago

      @moskit: Thanks for the comments, having a pet groundhog is a real labor of love, but I wouldn't trade it for the world.

    • moskit profile image

      moskit 7 years ago

      I don't really use FB that often but after reading this I may give it another try!


    • moskit profile image

      moskit 7 years ago

      I don't really use FB that often but after reading this I may give it another try!

      By the way, what was it like having a Groundhog as a pet??


    • Jennifer Einstein profile image

      Jennifer Einstein 7 years ago from New York City

      I've only been to church twice and they were for wedding, so there was no collection plate.

    • ZablonMukuba profile image

      ZablonMukuba 7 years ago

      nope never stollen am afraid of God ( really afraid)

    • Nightowl John profile image

      Nightowl John 7 years ago

      Very funny stuff...

    • Missyk1970 profile image

      Missyk1970 7 years ago

      I love this!! I am on FB everyday and have a public profile, I have posted a few things I deleted later after some thought so I understand.

    • surviving-2012 profile image

      surviving-2012 7 years ago

      Makes for good entertainment. Very well.

    • profile image

      anonymous 7 years ago

      Nicely, Nicely! and No I have not ever stolen from church...I do not go to church.

    • profile image

      sandralynnsparks 7 years ago

      Yes, but I was four and I thought it was being given to ME!

    • profile image

      anonymous 7 years ago

      man, i'll take that to heart

    • jctatum profile image

      jctatum 7 years ago

      I'm happy to say, no! But, I did enjoy reading your lens!

    • profile image

      the777group lm 7 years ago

      Fantastic advice but too late for me! Damn!

      I've lensrolled you to my Jokes lens.

    • BobZau profile image

      Bob Zau 7 years ago

      Too funny as usual... well done my friend.

    • tandemonimom lm profile image

      tandemonimom lm 7 years ago

      Amazingly apt advice!

    • burgessvillian profile image

      burgessvillian 7 years ago

      I bet you could come up with a lot more don'ts, but these ones are hilarious.

    • Snozzle profile image

      Snozzle 7 years ago

      Funny stuff. Hope you've heard back from the last interview!

    • Wendy L Henderson profile image

      Wendy Henderson 7 years ago from PA

      I enjoyed reading it! Made me smile. :)

    • VarietyWriter2 profile image

      VarietyWriter2 7 years ago

      Funny :)

    • GuyB LM profile image

      GuyB LM 7 years ago

      @LadyFlashman: Cool, thanks!

    • LadyFlashman profile image

      LadyFlashman 7 years ago from United Kingdom

      Just "stumbled" and "digged" this, it's soooo funny and I want more people to see it!

    • Franksterk profile image

      Frankie Kangas 7 years ago from California

      Way too funny. Maybe stand-up comedy would be the way to go. Thanks for the laughs!

    • BobZau profile image

      Bob Zau 7 years ago

      You are Too Sick... ROTF ... Funny, Funny Man

    • Maximille LM profile image

      Maximille LM 7 years ago

      Funny lense, if you seriously did all of this, Kudos to you for not knowing better at the age of well above 30 ;)

    • profile image

      gamesvalley 7 years ago

      Hahaha.. That's really something. Glad you learn your mistakes (did you?) and gives us some laughter.

    • HealthyNatural LM profile image

      HealthyNatural LM 7 years ago

      Funny and serious the same time ) Great lens!

    • ZenandChic profile image

      Patricia 7 years ago

      These are mistakes. Blessed!

    • profile image

      TWSquid10 7 years ago

      Love the page. Hilarious!

    • desilegend profile image

      desilegend 7 years ago

      Hilarious and your profile picture as well. Good job!

    • profile image

      ohcaroline 7 years ago

      How true. Unfortunately, we now have a place where we can broadcast our life's mistakes and document them for the ages.

    • profile image

      JewelRiver 7 years ago

      Who would do that stuff! LOL

    • KarenHC profile image

      Karen 7 years ago from U.S.

      I've been laughing over this,(favorite --Facebook mistake #4. Should you get photographed being arrested, don't upload as your profile picture.) then had to go read your blog, "My Pet Groundhog News" with the Great Writing Tips post. My favorite "example" -- "When my wife was pregnant, she became as cranky as a cornered badger when I told her to quit complaining about being pregnant."

    • Gloriousconfusion profile image

      Diana Grant 7 years ago from United Kingdom

      Stand-up Comedy beckons. Lensrolling to my lens computer problems- a day in my life

    • LadyFlashman profile image

      LadyFlashman 7 years ago from United Kingdom

      Ha ha! You should write this into a book, it would be brilliant!

    • profile image

      ohcaroline 7 years ago

      Oh so funny but oh so true. Good advice!

    • sheriangell profile image

      sheriangell 7 years ago

      OMG - This is so funny. I love the way you laid it out diary style. Write more stuff!

    • emmaklarkins profile image

      emmaklarkins 7 years ago

      This is awesome!! Ever thought about writing for

    • delia-delia profile image

      Delia 7 years ago

      5*...very funny and sad if true...surely you jest that you posted those on FB!!!! oh I feel for you if this caused you to lose a job. I did see a TV show were they hired someone and within minutes she Twittered some confidential things about the company..and within those same minutes she lost her job.

    • noxid25 profile image

      noxid25 7 years ago

      That was hilarious! Loved it! 5 stars!