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How to make a bad mobile app

Updated on October 14, 2015

You, dear friend, are tired of things that make life easy. You want to stick it to the world by doing the opposite and designing something spectacularly awful. But what do you make?

Well, mobile phones are all around us, and mobile apps are popping up every single day. In this post we'll show you how to make a mobile app that is a colossal embarrassment. To the people who choose to use it, of course. For you, it's just a medium of rebellion.

Step 1: Have no specific purpose

Gloss over the fact that your app must do something specific. For instance, there are dedicated apps for ordering food, booking doctors' appointments and even delivering flowers. Your app on the other hand must not do anything in particular, except confuse the user about what's it really meant for. Better yet, design something that will also cause gross errors in user inputs, consume as much of the phone's memory as possible and drain the battery in a blink.

Step 2: Have no surrounding ecosystem

Mobile apps work best when supported by a digital ecosystem. That means that the websites they help browse and the orders/purchases they make possible are all optimized for access through a mobile platform. Ensure that your app has no such bells and whistles. Websites with your creation must take time to load and placing orders must actually cause headaches.

Step 3: Market it badly, or not at all

To stand out from the crowd, sharp marketing is key. Avoid that. Develop the app, simply release it out amongst the thousands that already exist and hope that it will somehow get noticed. No point wasting money on innovative TV commercials and print campaigns.

Step 4: Design for YOU, not the user

For you, you're the king, not the customer. So dispense with support for languages you don't know, and let the interface be as cluttered as you like. Also, the app shouldn't let users share any cool bits with their friends and family. You're staunchly against sharing and social networking, so let your app reflect that.

Step 5: Design for the least popular platform

The iOS and Android platforms rule the roost when it comes to developing mobile apps. But since you want your app to fail, design it for something "niche" or even something that's already obsolete. That way, you'll reach the minimum number of users.

Do all of the above and you're sure to develop the worst mobile app on the market. Oh and just to top it all off, price your app high, so that it stands in stark contrast to all the free apps floating around.

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