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A Choctaw Curandera for Cedar Park, Texas

Updated on August 20, 2016
Austinstar profile image

Lela earned a B.A. degree in Journalism from Sam Houston University in Huntsville, TX. She has been writing for the online world for years.

What does a light bulb have to do with a Choctaw Curandera?

Can you guess where this light bulb was found?
Can you guess where this light bulb was found?

I should have been a doctor...

I didn't really mean to write this hub about myself and my journey through 34 years of health care, but this week's hub contest is about "Around the Harbor, Shopping and Services, Venues of Supplies and Assistance, especially concerning physical therapists, spas, doctor’s offices, etc.

I currently work at Cedar Park Regional Medical Center which is the best hospital in Cedar Park, Texas. Mainly because it's the ONLY hospital in Cedar Park or the surrounding communities of Leander, Jonestown, Lago Vista, and Liberty Hill. We are located just North of the incredibly fascinating city of Austin - River City, Bat City, Capitol City, and Keep Austin Weird City. [Geesh, this place is growing faster than a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs]

But, I digress. All my life I was interested in medicine and science. I "played doctor" when I was just seven years old. Perhaps a bit early, but heck, I was born to it. I can actually remember my Choctaw grandmother leaning over my crib (she died when I was only a few months old). I remember the woman who chanted and put little paper things in my hands and she would laugh so brightly when, as a baby, I would tear them apart and try to stuff them in my mouth. I learned later that the pieces of paper were labeled with the different names of spirits and whichever ones I ate would be my spirit guides. I must have eaten the dolphin and the medicine woman ones because I have always been associated with these.

I spent many years traveling in Mexico after I got my training in Laboratory Science and I became known as the "Curandera". I would spend weeks at a time in little towns in the interior of Mexico, and before I could count to ten, there would be someone asking me how to cure this ache or that pain. These people did not know me, I was a total gringa stranger, but they knew somehow that I would know how to treat them. And so I did. In return, I was fed home cooked food and led to many strange and wonderful places. I think I ended up spending time with the Native Americans of Mexico, the Aztec descendants and other progeny of the Toltecs, Mayans, and other minor tribes.

What I would like to do with this hub is relate some of the very interesting stories from the emergency rooms I have worked in during my career. The names have been changed to protect private health information. All of the stories are true, but I know no details other than what I am relating here.

Travels of a Choctaw Curandera

A
Austin TX:
Austin, TX, USA

get directions

The center of Texas and perhaps of my travels

B
Cedar Park Regional Medical Center:
Cedar Park, TX, USA

get directions

My current hospital affiliation.

C
Home of the Choctaw Curandera:
Leander, TX, USA

get directions

The Nose

Walking into the e.r. I spotted a young man sitting in the hallway, bleeding profusely, holding his nose on to his face as it was hanging by a small flap of skin. He was laughing hysterically. Several people standing nearby were also laughing. I could not wait to hear this story.

It seems the guy had been hitting on a chick at a bar. When her boyfriend tried to defend her, the nose guy ended up nearly beating the crap out of him. The girl then stepped in and bit his nose nearly off. They all were drunk and after bringing the nose guy to the e.r. they were standing around having a very long laugh at his predicament. He lived, and got his nose sewed back on, but I bet he never tried to pick up a girl in a bar again.

The Cocaine Enema

A young and beautiful girl was admitted to the e.r. one day and I had to draw blood for lab work. She was jumping and squirming something fierce. Several nurses and techs were helping to hold her still so I could get some blood.

I asked what was wrong with her and they told me she had asked her boyfriend to give her a cocaine enema. I have to tell you that this has to be the worst way to get a drug high because she did not look as though she was having a very good time. In fact, she died shortly after being admitted, the cocaine having gone straight to her heart and causing it to rupture.

The Vibrating Vibrator

Now I know that some people will say that foreign objects stuck up a certain area of a man's rear end are mostly urban legends. But I can testify to sticking a needle into a guy's arm to get my blood samples when the object in question was very much present and humming in the lower area of the man on the table. Since all he had on at the time was a hospital gown, I assumed the vibrator wasn't in his pocket.

Any object taken out of that particular buttoccal region is also sent to the lab for analysis by a Pathologist. I have worked for a pathologist that kept a colorful collection of these objects and he displayed the following object to my very own Choctaw Curandera eyes:

  • Vibrators of every size, shape, and description
  • An intact light bulb (No joke!)
  • A whiskey shot glass
  • a bottle of beer (capped)

Choctaw Curandera Cures that really Work!

If you are ever in the Cedar Park Regional Medical Center area and you have a need for a blood transfusion, then I am the best Immunohematologist in the area. Rest assured that you will get the most compatible type of blood available.

Gout cure: Concentrated Black Cherry Juice - drink four of five glugs daily

Calcium Oxalate Stone Relief: Lots of B vitamins, especially B6; Magnesium supplements (350 mg. daily, never stop), and water, water, and more water

Skin problems: Vitamin E - rub it on the problem area and take internally as a capsule

Back pain: See a spinal specialist!

Diabetes: eat food that you only tolerate like fruits and veggies, stop eating everything else. Walk a lot

Joint pain: lots of good rest and even better drugs

Snoring: A CPAP machine or a pillow over the complainer's ears.

The Choctaw Curandera in Mexico

A
Guanajuato Mexico:
Guanajuato, Mexico

get directions

B
Mexico City:
Mexico City, Distrito Federal, Mexico

get directions

C
Lake Chapala Mexico:
Lake Chapala, Chapala, JAL, Mexico

get directions

D
Morelia Mexico:
Morelia, Michoacán, Mexico

get directions

E
Cozumel Mexico:
Cozumel, Quintana Roo, Mexico

get directions

© 2010 Lela

Comments - Ask the Choctaw Curandera a question....

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  • botipton profile image

    Bo Tipton 

    5 years ago from Cecilia, KY

    Very good Hub. I was born and raised out in West Texas right on the border. I have known, met talked to a lot of Curanderas as I have had a love for plants for medicine from a very early age. I look forward to reading more. Yakoke.

  • Austinstar profile imageAUTHOR

    Lela 

    7 years ago from Somewhere in the universe

    Good one, K!

  • RealHousewife profile image

    Kelly Umphenour 

    7 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    Ha! I missed this one! ER's can be an interesting place to hang out - I worked in registration. I had to go into the rooms to dig through pockets for info, etc. We had a guy with a whole potato undigested in the Netherlands - ya know:) I saw one woman who was senile and always stealing stuff - they did an X-ray - she swallowed a fork! I guess no where else to hide it?

    In the sleep lab - I took a mannequin head that had long hair - it was used for training techs on how to do an extended EEG hook-up - I put it in a bed and hid behind the door where the camera couldn't see me - then I called out acting like the patient - the unsuspecting tech was scared to death when the head started rolling:)! LOL! Night shifts!

  • profile image

    ralwus 

    7 years ago

    TMI but awesome. Now I flee your hub never to return. beer bottle? Sheesh!

  • akirchner profile image

    Audrey Kirchner 

    7 years ago from Washington

    OMG - the vibrator story sounds like the one I had at the ER in WA state. Thank goodness I was only a lowly transcriptionist so did not have to actually look at or work on the fellow. He had a screwdriver up his bum - I guess the fellow who was married to the woman he was screwing around with (ha ha) didn't like the said screwing so gave him a screwdriver enema. Wow! The things we see - and I type - at least I don't have to face these folks! Great stories!!

  • Austinstar profile imageAUTHOR

    Lela 

    7 years ago from Somewhere in the universe

    Aw Gus, you crack me up! We put a teaching skeleton in the trauma room one slow night and called a code. The e.r. doc on duty never woke up until about 5 minutes into his codes in the middle of the night. He whipped back the sheet to start cpr and almost destroyed our skeleton before he woke up! He then pronounced the guy and went back to bed.

  • GusTheRedneck profile image

    Gustave Kilthau 

    7 years ago from USA

    Lela, good friend - I really do not recognize exactly what the thing could have been. I almost hate to think of it, but it looked a lot like one of those propane cylinders or the like. Imagine that! Over the years I have seen many strange X-ray images. Perhaps the strangest were those that we prepared for a very boastful flight surgeon who had broken many, many bones in a fall from an aircraft onto a concrete runway. He used to have showings of his films to fellow docs. He'd put the films up onto the lightbox board, turn to face the docs and describe the film contents to them without looking at the X-rays. We picked up on that "not looking" deal. We took the department's teaching skeleton and filled the skull with wheels and gears from an old clock, attached bones upside down here and there, and in general messed things up so as to produce strange X-rays. Then we substituted our weird films in place of some of his. He did his usual stuff his next time showing off his injuries. When he heard the docs laughing, he turned and looked at his films on the lightbox. That was his last show.

    Gus :-)))

  • Austinstar profile imageAUTHOR

    Lela 

    7 years ago from Somewhere in the universe

    Gus, was it a thermos bottle? I suppose he "fell" on it, hahaha. Some of these guys do this on a dare or a bet. Hope it was enough to pay for the surgery!

  • GusTheRedneck profile image

    Gustave Kilthau 

    7 years ago from USA

    Howdy Lela - A fun article to read. What was quite interesting about the various tales was that they were really all about what people can do to themselves.I will testify that your description of what some strange males can hide up their posteriors is fact and not fancy. On my shelf I have a copy of an X-ray that shows a really large tank of some sort, almost a foot long and about 3 or so inches in diameter. How the guy ever got it inside I could never figure out, but there it is. They had to do a major piece of surgery to remove the thing.

    Gus :-0

  • elayne001 profile image

    Elayne 

    7 years ago from Rocky Mountains

    Very funny what people do to themselves and others. Thanks for the chuckle. I have also worked in a hospital pathology lab for seven years, helped out with autopsies and worked with some really weird doctors. I kind of miss the excitement now. Thanks for a great hub.

  • Austinstar profile imageAUTHOR

    Lela 

    7 years ago from Somewhere in the universe

    Si senora, mas historias venerian. (Yes, drbj, more stories to come.)

  • drbj profile image

    drbj and sherry 

    7 years ago from south Florida

    Well, Lela, this is a very good start to what looks like a very interesting series of hubs about your "curandera" escapades. Looking forward to more, muchacha.

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