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A good ol' Nebraska shout out!

Updated on May 22, 2010

Born and raised in Nebraska, I have a special place in my heart for the heartland. If you share my passion; enjoy!

Jersey girls are pretty, Boston girls are smart; But it takes a Nebraskan to win a fellow's heart.

You Might be a Nebraskan if . . .

1. You know what "Runza" is
2. You've never met any celebrities
3. Your idea of a traffic jam is 10 cars waiting to pass a tractor on the Highway
4. "Vacation" means driving through the Henry Doorly Zoo or going to the State Fair
5. You've seen all the biggest bands 10 years after they were popular
6. You measure distance in minutes
7. Down south to you means Kansas
8. You know several people who have hit a deer
9. You have no problem spelling or pronouncing "Kearney"
10. You know the answer to the question "Is this heaven?"
11. Your school classes were canceled because of the cold
12. Your school classes were canceled because of the heat
13. You know what huskers are
14. You've ridden the school bus for an hour each way
15. You've ever had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day
16. You think ethanol makes your truck "run alot better"
17. You know whats knee-high by July 4th
18. Stores dont have bags, they have sacks
19. You see people wear bib overalls at funerals
20. You see a car running in the parking lot at the store with no one in it no matter what time of year
21. You end your sentence with an unnecessary prepositon ex: "wheres my coat at?" or "if you go to the mall, I wanna go"
22. You can locate Nebraska on the US Map
23. Detassling was your first job
24. You learn your pick-up will run without a muffler
25. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unclocked
26. You think of the major 4 food groups as beef, pork, beer, and Jell-O salad with marshmellows
27. When asked how your trip was to any foreign erotic place you say "It was different"
28. You consider being a "Beef Queen" an honor
29. You carry jumper cables in your car
30. You drink "pop"
31. You know what the numbers I-80, 275, and 2 mean
32. You know what "cow-tipping" is

Signs You've lived in Nebraska too long:

-You've been on television at least 3 times describing the sound of a tornado.

-You take pride in knowing that on Saturdays, Memorial stadium is the third largest city in the state.

-You brag to other Nebraskan's about being from Omaha.

-You know how to pronounce Beatrice, Norfolk and Kearney.

-You think Coors is an imported beer.

-"Back East" means Chicago.

-You think pheasants are the most beautiful bird in the world.

-You know that the statue on the dome of the state capital is actually sowing seed - not bowling.

-You can drive through towns like Wahoo with a straight face.

-You know what "knee high by the Fourth of July" refers to.

-You list your religious preference as "Cornhusker."

-You can tell the difference between a horse and a cow from a distance.

-You consider using your life savings to go to the Colorado-Nebraska football game.

-There's a tornado warning and you go outside to watch for it.

-You think Abraham Lincoln was named after the capital of Nebraska.

-"Little Smokies" are something you serve on special occasions.

-You have the number of the Co-op on speed dial.

-You think the "Red Sea" refers to the football stadium on Saturdays.

-Using the elevator involves a corn truck.

-You know cow pies aren't made of beef.

-You actually buy manure.

-You listen to "Paul Harvey" every day at noon.

-You think the "N" on the football helmets stands for "knowledge"

-You leave your snow tires on year-round.

-You know the difference between field corn and sweet corn when they are still on the stalk.

-You skip your mother's funeral for the first day of deer season.

-You consider irrigation boots casual footwear.

-You can tell the smell of a skunk and the smell of a feed lot apart.

-You consider any building a mall, if it's bigger than the local Wal-Mart.

-Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor on the highway.

-You voted for a football coach for Congress.

-You can't understand why Johnny Carson ever left.


Nebraska Tourism Tips For Coastal People

Because of misunderstandings that frequently develop when New Yorkers and Californians cross states such as Nebraska, Kansas, Iowa, or Missouri, those states' Tourism Councils have adopted a new policy. In an effort to help outsiders understand the rural Midwesterner's mind, the following list will be handed to each person as they enter the State.

1. That slope-shouldered farm boy did more work before breakfast than you do all week at the gym.

2. It's called a 'gravel road'. No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Navigator. I have a four wheel drive because I need it. Drive it or get it out of the way.

3. We all started hunting and fishing when we were seven years old. Yeah, we saw Bambi. We got over it.

4. Any references to "corn fed" when talking about our women will get you whipped. . . by our women.

5. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod. Don't cry to us if a flathead breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for those little 13-inch trout you fish for. . . bait.

6. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.

7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making their final approach, we will shoot it. You might hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.

8. That's right. Whiskey is only two bucks. We can buy a fifth for what you paid in the airport for one drink.

9. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order steak. Order it rare. Or, you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham and turkey. Yeah, we have sweet tea. It comes in a glass with two packets of sugar and a long spoon.

10. You bring Coke into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over ice.

11. So you have a sixty-thousand dollar car. We're real impressed. We have quarter of a million dollar combines that we use two weeks a year.

12. Let's get this straight. We have one stoplight in town. We stop when it's red. We may even stop when it's yellow.

13. Our women hunt, fish, and drive trucks-because they want to. So, you're a feminist. Isn't that cute?

14. Yeah, we eat catfish, carp too--and turtle. You really want sushi and caviar? It's available at the bait shop.

15. They are pigs. That's what they smell like. Get over it. Don't like it? Interstates 70 & 80 go two ways--Interstate 35 goes the other two. Pick one and use it accordingly.

16. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday. You can get breakfast at the church.

17. So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being friendly. Understand the concept?

18. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit in the water hazards. It spooks the fish.

19. That Highway Patrol Officer that just pulled you over for driving like an idiot. . . his name is "Sir". . . no matter how old he is.


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