Frankenmuth ... Oh How I Miss Thee

I-94 towards Detroit

Exit 108 towards I-64/Ft. Wayne/Lansing

Keep left at the fork in the ramp

Merge onto I-69 N via Exit 91 towards Flint

Merge onto I-75 N/ US23 N via Exit 133 towards Saginaw

Take the MI-54/MI-83 exit

Exit 136 towards Birch Run/ Frankenmuth

Turn right onto Birch Run Rd/ MI-54/MI-83

Turn left onto Gera Rd/ MI-83

Continue to follow MI-83

Hotel on the left

Total time: 4hrs 1min. 275 miles

My wife tells me to let it go. That its over.

Back to reality.

Its time to return to "the nuthouse" on Monday -- data entry and spreadsheets for her, assisting teachers with students for me ... But excuse me if I don't want that ... Not anymore.

This time last week, I was spending Wednesday into Saturday morning in Frakenmuth, Michigan. Which is the sweetest, most adorable, most I-want-to-sell-my-house-and-quit-my-job-and-move-there-right-this-instant kind of town that i have ever had the pleasure to visit. I mean really. Just freaking delightful.

I saw too much. I experienced too much. Too much peace. Too much serenity. Too much relaxation. I mean, I rode on the freaking BAVARIAN BELLE riverboat for goodness sake -- a boat operated and owned by a wonderful and father and his two sons. And located in the midst of the RIVER PLACE SHOPS outdoor mall.

I went to the CHEESE HAUS, where they had hundreds of upon thousands of cheeses and cute merchandise that was calling to your wallet softly, yet firmly.

I ate world famous chicken.

I even saw a KROGER food store for the first time ... I'm just saying.

So tell me ... Tell me... How do I go back to noisy neighbors who argue outside of my children's window and blast the foulest, most profane music at more decibels than the law allows. Not to mention allowing their dog to express himself with huge chunks, frequently in the back and front of my house.

And what about the inconsiderate neighbors blasting Vietnam War style explosive fireworks? With no regard to the number of small children and elderly trying to rest their weary eyes; going off all the live long day, until 4 in the morning?

How do I cope with such reality? Such antics. Shenanigans even. Not when I've grown accustomed to listening to absolute quiet in a town that shut down at nightfall and a hotel that enforced quiet hours from 10pm to 6am.

Did I mention breakfast every morning from 6 to 9:30? Dinner from 5:30 to 7:30pm. Guaranteed ... I miss that Man. I don't get guaranteed breakfast at home. I can't even get my wife to buy me a sandwich or drink if she coasts into a STARBUCKS drive thru while we're running errands together.

Yeah I have a bin full of HALLMARK movies in the basement. But this town was all about that Christmas life. The home of the world's largest Christmas store even.

You see, I love Christmas. Let's make this absolutely clear. And to be able to step into a store the size of a football field .... And I don't even like football ... And have life sized Santa figurines greet you at the door ... Come on now ... Who does that?

All types of Christmas trees.

Little trees.

Big trees.

Monstrous trees ...

All kinds of decorations.

Thousands of ornaments for every occupation, hobby and fetish (so to speak). I'm talking cupcake ornaments. I'm talking school teacher ornaments. Hunting themed ornaments. Ice cream sandwiches. Sports teams ...

Christmas music all day long ...

They got your JOHNNY MATHIS. They got your PERRY COMO over there. They got your PEGGY LEE and your JOSE FELICIANO .... I wouldn't have minded some BOYZ II MEN and The TEMPTATIONS mixed in, but hey, beggars can't be choosers I suppose. And all of this was available to me in July, because BRONNER'S CHRISTMAS WONDERLAND (that's the name of the store) is open 361 days out of a year.

So with all of this wonderfulness, how do I come down from the mountaintop and back into the valley? Leaving the kings and queens/ princes and princesses of humankind to return to a land full court jesters and village idiots?

I don't know!

I don't know.

I don't know ...