I Went Through The Naked Machine AND Was Molested At the Airport Today, What Did You Do?
January 11, 2011
Warning - detailed report about TSA agents and a "quickie romance..."
I tried to fly home to Lansing, Michigan today from Florida - but the Noreaster is hitting hard and eventually, my flight was delayed for so long I had the option to cancel. But before that I went through the security check. TSA agents were aplenty. They ALL had huge, huge Disneyesque smiles on their faces and used voices a few octaves higher than I know was their normal talking voice.
I take a huge backpack filled with all my electronics - my iPad, my Kindle, my Macbook Pro, all the extra long cords and lights for the Kindle and even the iPad keyboard. It weighs a ton, but I will not be parted from my electronics. I also carry a huge purse, and in this case a coat as well as my jewelry case.
I had on a cardigan sweater and boots. As everyone knows, you have to take out your laptop, take off your shoes/boots take off any jackets or cardigans and put all of the things that have to go through that boxy contraption with the moveable grocery-store-like belt, in plastic bins. And you have to remember everything that you're supposed to put in there. I stripped off my sweater put it in there, my boots in another bin, my Mac, the backpack, purse - you get the idea. You've done this. But this time I was quite proud of myself as I did it smoothly and with little embarrassment. That was until what happened next.
When it came down to my scarf, I knew it had these little metal beads so I ASKED if it should go into a bin as well.
"OH NO!" Said the TSA agent with a bright shiny smile.
So I went through the non-golden arches and within a 1/2 second I was touched and almost "embraced" as I was ushered "over here". I was then literally handed off to someone else who also with a feather-like-touch - ushered me to a set of steps. I walked up facing another smiling, cheery TSA agent who told me to hold my hands in front of me, palms out, above my head with my finger tips touching. It was as if I was in a daze. I obeyed.
I had to place my feet in two green outlined foot prints, quite far apart, and all the while the TSA agent tenderly talked to me about how great I was doing.
This cylinder I was in had these things that rolled around, like an MRI machine and then I was told to step out. Again, being led by a TSA female, all the while telling me sweet nothings close to my ear until I faced a very large, very formidable TSA female who also flashed a smile like a Disney employee.
It wasn't another 1/2 second before I realized she had her hand on my right breast AS she told me (not before she told me), "I'm so sorry we have to do this--touching here...but your scarf gave off a strange reading..." Next, faster than a New York minute, she grabbed my left breast while simultaneously she "touched my junk" (albeit gently).
It was all over in a matter of moments.
I ASKED if I should take the scarf off!
I didn't know I was in that naked machine until I was OUT of the naked machine being molested by a TSA agent! It went SO QUICKLY! I never had a CHANCE to say "I OPT OUT OF MY CIVIL RIGHTS BEING VIOLATED TODAY." I never knew what hit me! She never even took me to dinner before fondling me...
I had to fetch my things from the bins and while I dressed none of the Disney characters ever gave me another look, not even a smile. They tossed me aside. I was used and then they were off to their next easy target...
And the worst part? My flight was canceled!!
I guess I will live another day to be molested by Tampa TSA agents!