Ramblings of a Senior on the Road

Just Another Morning

Don_Date - 200814

I was blissfully sleeping away, dreaming about something, i know not what.

Then the damned Alarm went OFF and I swear I jumped up and off of the mattress by at least a foot. Damned Apple phone Alarm sounds.

After I had landed, I laid there for a moment, just trying to get my brain cells into a mode where they might start functioning properly in a few minutes.

Finally, I rolled off of the bed and stood up. I stretched and made my welcome to the morning sound; which to me was a strong reverberating call to the wild, similar to what I imagined TARZAN made whenever he walked out of his treehouse.

Happy with myself, I stood and turned, just as my wife flicked on the bathroom lights.

Of course, I was immediately blinded.

I moved my eyes away from the bright lights, and I said;

Damn Woman, you did it again, I can’t see a thing.

I could actually hear her smile as she told me;

You have your yell, I have my light switch.

I grumbled under my breath and slowly found my way into the bathroom to start my daily ritual of preparing to meet the world.

I was in a good mood because my wife was going to work this morning and I had the whole day to myself, so figured I could get some creative writing done later, once she left the house.

I threw on one of my favorite ratty T-Shirts and a worn out pair of sweat shorts. Then, one look in the mirror and I smiled thinking that I looked OK to me.

I must have still had that grin on my face when I walked into the Kitchen area because she looked at me as she went into the bedroom to dress for work and said;

What are you so happy about? You have to drive me to work, remember?

I didn’t!

Remember that is.

But as I turned on the coffee pot, it all came back to me.

I thought about trying to beg off for a micro-second maybe. But as I remembered the conversation between us the night before I realized I had told her I wanted to go to the big PGA Superstore in Sarasota.

Of course she had jumped on this because whenever I need to go anywhere near where she works, I would end up driving her to work that morning, and then we would go out to eat when she got off.

She yelled back at me;

And I’m not going to be seen with you in those old rags of yours. And put on something presentable!

I started to say something, but I just bit down on my tongue and dutifully returned to the bedroom and put on some clothes that make me look, what she called “presentable”.

You notice that she used the word “presentable” and not “Looking Good” or something like that?

The last part of our morning ritual is to have a few cups of Coffee to crank us up for the drive to her workplace. We always “Caffeine Up” because of the drive we would be taking to get her to work.

Our drive would include 18-miles of living Hell on I-75 South. Every mile would include 3 and 4 packed parallel lanes of insane people driving 80-plus mph or faster, who actually believe they are safe drivers.

I guess I should mention at this point that I am a Senior, a Baby Boomer, and well, on some days, just an old man trying to enjoy my day!

Anyway, while we were drinking our morning coffee, we turned the TV to the local Channel-9. This channel is popular with morning travelers around Tampa because every ten minutes, “on the nines” they give a 1-minute weather report and a 1-minute view of all of the wrecks around the Tampa area, specifically most often on I-75 and I-4 .

I don’t know if you have heard this, but about a year or so ago, one of those companies that rank and rate everything from “best beaches” to “worst pizzas” performed a survey and ranked Tampa as the city with the third worst traffic and most accidents in the whole country.

Don’t laugh, I’ve lived here for ten years now, and over the last three years, I or my wife has driven on I-75 almost every weekday and I can tell you that it is definitely an experience fraught with danger and numerous threats of death.

There are certain skills and beliefs that you develop if you want to survive driving regularly on any Interstate highway, and I-75 is no exception.

You have to believe!

• That you really can stop your car on a dime.
• That your car really will protect you when you are run over by one of those tractor trailer trucks with its sleepy driver.
• That the other drives really will avoid hitting you at the last minute, even if it means they will hit someone else by dodging you
• That it's not your turn to die on the road, but one of those other fools driving with you.

You have to join the Insane Drivers Club!

• You have to learn to curse - everyone! Otherwise you could explode from holding in those emotions from just being there.
• You have to be able to recognize State Police cars from a mile or further away, and always assume that it's not your turn to get a ticket, today!
• You have to know where the shoulder is wide enough that you can drive onto it when a wreck suddenly happens in front of you.
• You have to ignore the bodies still in the car wrecks you see and just kick it once you are past the wreck itself, knowing you have to make up the lost time.
• You have to be able to drive with one hand and open your window so you can throw other crappy drivers the “Bird’.
• Finally, you must quickly learn to drive as insanely as everyone else, and toss caution to the wind every time you start that car engine and pull onto the highway.

The good part is that once my wife is out of the car, i get to drive the same route in the other direction. but By Myself!

When I'm alone in my car, I get to put on my imaginary NASCAR helmet and return home driving and looking for everyone whom I had "signed to" that they were #1 in my book.

Sad to say, I never find them.

Eventually, I get home and the first thing I do is change into my ratty old clothes that my wife hates, and pour myself a fresh cup of coffee.

Then, I fire up my computer and write on my blogs about my Senior neighbors and how crazy they are. Someone once told me; If you think you have problems, visit a neighbor and drink a Beer with them!

Well, that’s my Ramble for the day. The coffee has worn off, and I need to rest up and prepare to go back and pick up my wife in an hour or so.

To paraphrase a famous quote;

“It’s not the Destination that matters, it’s the Journey!”

‘Nuff Said!

by Don Bobbitt, All Rights Reserved!