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Funny Scottish Slang Insults

Updated on August 11, 2012


Please do not be insulted by my writing today it is meant for humor and of course if you ever visit Scotland,it will give you a little understanding of the Scottish language,most Scottish insults come in general conversation and are meant to be taken with a pinch of salt or a good insult back to the person who first commented.

as in the title of this hub,awa and bile yer heid (away and boil your head) which means go away.

Ya Bampot = you idiot.

Bessie = a rude bad tempered woman.

A Clype = a tattletale.

Nippet =bad tempered.

You've a face like the back of a bus.

You've a face like a skelpit erse ( a smacked bottom).

You've a face like a chicken laying razors.

She has a lovely body but a face like a bucket of spanners.

Bloomin idiot = bloody idiot

Numpty= fool

He looks like a half shut knife" - describing someone who looks depressed.

"Doon the Dee on a digestive" - this is the Abedonian equivalent of "Do you think I came up the River Clyde on a banana boat?" in other words, do you think I'm daft?

Twa bubbles aff the centre" - derived from the bubbles on a spirit level, someone who is "two bubbles off the centre" is regarded as a bit simple or stupid.

A tongue that would clip clouts" - literally speech which would leave a cloth in tatters, describes someone who is very abrasive and gives a good account of themselves in an argument.

the list goes on lol but i don`t want to cause too much offence have fun.....jimmy


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    • profile image

      marthamay 3 years ago

      Awa n tac yer face fur ah shite

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      Jw 5 years ago

      Ye've a face like a dug chewin a wasp

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      mark 6 years ago

      I'm starving, I could eat a horse, and go back for the jockey

    • jimmythejock profile image

      James Paterson 6 years ago from Scotland

      thanks izzy

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      Madeleine 7 years ago

      Jesus Christ. I'm an English teen, and this stuff is fuckin' peng - I had no idea so much of our slang came from Scotland; but I guess it figures, what with you being closest and all. After reading trainspotting, a lot of yours is more familiar to me, and dropping it into casual conversation yields wondrous fruits - though, I particularly love 'You've a face like a chicken laying razors', I'mma have to write it down somewhere...

    • kiwitom profile image

      kiwitom 7 years ago from Perth, Australia

      Pretty good - I especially like the one about the golf shoe. Ive recently moved to Oz so decided to do a similar hub on the best Australian insults I've heard so far.... including such gems as "She has a smile like a mackerel eating mustard"

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      Coco 8 years ago

      i live in scotland too but to the many people particularly american we are not all ginger, we don't wear kilts unless it is a special occasion like a wedding, we don't live in casltes, we don't have our own herds of cattle and we don't chase haggis, you eat haggis.

      noob is a particular favourite. it is just idiot etc

      am gonni rattul yer nogen- rattle your heed- rattle your head.

      twat, twaf- idiot, fanny, etc.

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      leebee58 8 years ago

      could anyone define 'bowl lasher' for me please. used in context: how wid ye like tae hav an accident wi a bowl lasher.

      much appreciated, ne-obliviscaris.


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      Rebecca, yah bam 8 years ago

      Hey there, I'm a Scottish teenager, and ah wid like tae add a few tae yer list.

      it's spelt 'yawldy', by the way. No 'yaldi'. Jist naw.

      Bam: idiot, stupid person

      Eejit: stupid person, idiot

      Blether:idle chatter

      Fortnight: two weeks

      minger: a disgusting person

      fucktard: 'eejit', 'minger'

    • profile image

      thebam 9 years ago

      fanny like a hippos yawn

      face like a second hand dart board

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      Kirsty+Toni 9 years ago

      youv git a face like a well shagged camells arse

    • profile image

      syth master0 9 years ago

      lol there all pretty good ave only got a few words tae add oan tae it but how about:

      yaldi = a word to express exitement

      glaikit = stupid, idiot, "tumshie heed", not very bright.

      Muppet = stupid, idiot, "tumshie heed", not very bright

    • profile image

      Ginger-Mc 9 years ago

      You've made the fatal error of writing "idiot", clearly it's Tumshie-heid ;)

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      ymyd 9 years ago

      shes been cocked mair times than john waynes rifle, shes seen mair helmets than hitler,her fannies like a bill posters bucket, her fannies like a wizards sleave,mair seaman in her than david seamens goalie gloves,yer maws git baws and yer da loves it

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      karl mcclure 9 years ago

      She had a f*nny like a stab wound in a gorilla's back Look's like she's been dooking for apples in a chip pan Had more hands up her than sooty! She's got a face like a dog lickin pi*h off a nettle. It looks like she's been set on fire and put out with a golf shoe! She's got a face that could make an onion cry. I wouldn't ride her into battle. Everyone has a right to be ugly, but she abuses the privilege I wouldn't do her with a rusty pole Mair chins than a Chinese phone book She smells like an alkies carpet She has seen more japseyes than an oriental optician It's like sha*gin a pail of water. It's like sha*gin the sleeve off a wizards cloak! she's killed more co*ks than a fowl butcher Fa*ny like a ripped out fireplace Face like a sand blasted tomato Ar*e like a bag of washing She sweats like a dog in a Chinese restaurant She's seen more helmets than Hitler Face like a stuntman's knee She's got a fa*ny like a badly packed kebab Like opening the window and sha*ging the night She's seen more co*kends than weekends A left her with a face like a painter's radio Fa*ny like a clowns pocket Fa*ny like a Hippo's yawn She's that ugly not even a sniper would take her out I bet she's got a fa*ny like a pub carpet More pri*ks than a second hand dartboard. Face like a blind joiners thumb She's done more lengths than Duncan Goodhew She's been shot over more times than Sarajevo Even the tide wouldn't take her out

    • profile image

      karl mcclure 9 years ago

      bawbag nest scots insult ever

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      william irvine 9 years ago

      What about this one. ' Ahm that hungry ah could eat a farmers arse through a hedge!

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      Bofaffy 9 years ago

      Great stuff!! I'm an American who wishes he was back in Scotland like his ancestors with all his heart!! I'm jealous.

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      HighlandDancer 9 years ago

      Och, calm yer heid Mhari. I'm a Scotswoman too and I'm just ignoring Elbee's comments. He's nothing but a glaikit cuddie.

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      Boab 10 years ago

      Ur Maws The Best Welder In Fife ... You've Got A Face That Could Make An Onion Greet ... Away And Bile Yur Heed ... A face like a saft tattie ... A face like a skelpit erse

    • profile image

      Johnny  11 years ago

      Fantastic put downs. As for politically correct Mhairi's comments. It is up to the women to make up their own offensive sayings. Daft Wee Lassie getting her uptight knickers in a twist.

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      Mhairi 11 years ago

      Being a Scot myself, and a qualified translator and occasional English teacher here in Barcelona, I find it EXTREMELY offensive that ALL of Elbee´s comments referred to women being ugly. In my experience, Scottish women (including myself of course) are a GREAT deal more attractive than their male counterparts. Where are the sayings related to ugly men!!??? There are plenty of them to use as examples!!

    • jimmythejock profile image

      James Paterson 11 years ago from Scotland

      thanks elbee appreciated.....jimmy

    • profile image

      Elbee 11 years ago

      aye no bad, here's some more...

      Look's like she's been dooking for apples in a chip pan


      Shes got a face like a dug lickin pish aff a nettle.


      It looks like she's been set on fire and put out with a golf shoe!


      She's got a face that could make an onion cry.


      I wouldn't ride her into battle.


      everyone has a right to be ugly, but she abuses the privilege


      arse like a bag a washing


      face like a melted welly


      She smells like an alkies carpet


      she has seen more japseyes than an oriental optician


      'Yer maw's got a dick and yer da's jealous'"

    • Ralph Deeds profile image

      Ralph Deeds 11 years ago from Birmingham, Michigan

      You have a rich dialect. You'd fit in well with my relatives in northwestern Nebraska who have quite a few colorful expressions, e.g., "snow ass-deep on a nine-foot Indian." Or "find a girl with a hare lip, and she'll stick with you forever."

    • jimmythejock profile image

      James Paterson 11 years ago from Scotland

      I haven`t been to Tobermory or the isle of mull but would love to some day visit all of the Scottish islands....jimmy

    • gredmondson profile image

      gredmondson 11 years ago from San Francisco, California

      I haave a friend who loves Scotland and goes to Tobermorry (sp?) almost every year. Have you ever been there?