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Whisky Jokes (Whiskey)

Updated on August 30, 2011

whisky galore

some whisky jokes to share with you.

A dude walks into a bar and says to the bartender : "I want a 12 years old scotch, and don't try to fool me because I can tell the difference."

The bartender is sceptical and decides to try to trick the man with a 5 year old scotch.

The man takes a sip, scowls and says : "Hey - Bartender, this crap is 5 years old scotch. - I told you that I wanted a 12 years old."

The bartender won't give and tries once more this time with a 8 year scotch.

The man takes a sip, grimaces and says : "Bartender, I do not want 8 years old scotch like this filth. Gi'me a 12-years old scotch or ill leave !"

Impressed, the bartender gives him the 12-year scotch on the house, the man takes a sip and sighs,

" Ah, now that's the real thing. "

A disgusting, ugly, grimy, stinking drunk has been watching all this with great interest. He stumbles over and sets a glass down in front of the man and says. :

"Hey, I think that's really far out what you can do. Try this one."...

The man takes a sip and immediately spits out the liquid and cries, "Yechhh! This stuff tastes like piss!"

The drunk's eyes light up and he says, "Yeah sure, now how old am I ?"

A drunk was in front of a judge.

The judge says "You've been brought here for drinking whisky."

The drunk says "Okay, let's get started."

HOW A MAN CAN IMPRESS A WOMAN

Compliment her, cuddle her, kiss her, caress her, love her, stroke her, tease her, comfort her, protect her, hug her, hold her, spend money on her, dine her, buy things for her, listen to her, care for her, stand by her, support her and go to the ends of the earth for her.

HOW A WOMAN CAN IMPRESS A MAN:

Show up naked or Bring Whisky

EIGHTEEN BOTTLES OF WHISKEY

I had eighteen bottles of whiskey in the cellar, and my wife insisted I empty the contents of each bottle down the sink, or else. After careful consideration, I reluctantly agreed and finally proceeded with the unpleasant task.

I withdrew the cork from the first bottle and poured the contents down the sink with the exception of one glass, which I drank.

Then, I withdrew the cork from the second bottle and did likewise with it, with the exception of one glass, which I drank.

I then withdrew the cork from the third bottle and poured the whiskey down the sink, which I drank.

I pulled the cork from the fourth bottle down the sink and poured the bottle down the glass, which I drank.

I pulled the bottle from the cork of the next and drank one sink out of it, and threw the rest down the glass.

I pulled the sink out of the next glass and poured the cork down the bottle. Then, I corked the sink with the glass, bottled the drink and drank the pour.

When I had everything emptied, I steadied the house with one hand, counted the glasses, corks, bottles, and sinks with the other, which were twenty-nine, and as the houses came by I counted them again, and finally I had all the houses in one bottle, which I drank.

I'm not under the affluence of incohol as some tinkle peep I am. I'm not half as thunk as you might drink. I fool so feelish I don't know who is me, and the drunker I stand here, the longer I get.

Scottish Drinking Jokes

Sandy was sitting at the bar drinking double whiskies in one gulp as fast as the barman could put them in front of him. He eventually explained that it was the only way he could drink them after a terrible accident. "What sort of accident?" asked the barman. "Terrible," said Sandy. "I knocked one over with my elbow."

hope you like .....jimmy

Comments

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    • swedal profile image

      swedal 

      7 years ago from Colorado

      It is like a trip down memory lane. Makes me thirsty for a shot.

    • profile image

      excellent 

      7 years ago

      gimme more

    • profile image

      Iðunn 

      11 years ago

      : )

    • jimmythejock profile imageAUTHOR

      James Paterson 

      11 years ago from Scotland

      your very welcome paul.....jimmy

    • Paul Edmondson profile image

      Paul Edmondson 

      11 years ago from Burlingame, CA

      These are good:) Thanks.

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